Thursday, March 27, 2008

Yapcunt Regional, Round 2: Titan vs. Bill – QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?!

With the Viking taking a small but noticeable lead over the Cowboy, all #1 seeds in the tournament have been safe thus far. Is this the matchup that changes all that? Will that literally huge Titan-Giant Elite Eight contest get derailed by ol’ Buffalo Bill and his trusty musket? We go right to the pros and cons and ask you, the fan, who would win in a fight… to the death! Indeed, QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?

NOTE: The poll is at the top of the sidebar to the right. Voting for each contest is open until the end of the day that it's posted.


-Begat other Gods
-Swallows own children
-Can produce ocean nymph in a relative snap
-Titan Rhea always quick with a one-liner when in the vicinity of drunken, lonely, know-it-all mailman
-Titan Atlas very good with directions to Shreveport

-Tough to fight with child’s arm stuck in mouth
-Goya interpretation leaves much to be desired. Not liking that shading
-Cut yer hair, you goddamn Greek hippie
-Bug eyes suggest possible ancestor of Jennifer Wilbanks
-Possibly chained to rock, with eagle tearing at liver. Not fun
-Huh huh… Uranus
-Titan Phoebe easily the most annoying Titan hanging out at Central Perk
-Titan Hyperion published Candace Bushnell books. Fuck her, man
-Dude, this queer defeated you? Weak
-Atlas carrying quite a load there

Entrance Music:
“Gods of War,” Def Leppard


-May have killed a Southerner or two
-Kinda looks like Robert Altman
-We’re assuming he’s ALIVE here, people
-Assisted in ridding cluttered American landscape of unsightly buffalo
-Did he fight at the Alamo? Let’s just assume he did.
-…….used to
-…….ride a watersmooth-silver
-and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlike that
-he was a handsome man
-………….and what i want to know is
-how do you like your blueeyed boy
-Mister Death

-Once worked as a “bullwhacker,” which is probably exactly what you think it is
-Mother’s maiden name was Laycock. What a whore.
-Pushed for the rights of Native Americans and women. What a bleeding heart!
-Nasty chaw habit

Entrance Music:
“One,” U2

Voting closes at the end of the day. Let the battle begin. ENTER THE OCTAGON!


eppic said...

Bill would shoot Wychek right in the goddamn mouth

Otto Man said...

If this is anybody other than e.e. cummings, you're stealing my bit!

Pemulis said...

Saturn devouring his son... i had pet hamsters that pulled that shit. not very macho... but then agan neither is poetry...and silence of the lamb jokes are so two days ago... hmmm...this is tough.

smurphette said...

Titan Hyperion published Candace Bushnell books. Fuck her, man.

No wonder the Titan is the #1 seed in the Yapcunt Region.

Nate said...

Maybe Bill used to be a crack shot, but that was before Scott Norwood. Advantage: Titan.

SlideShow Bob said...

Shave those sideburns you hippie.

Also, was that a cheers joke?

rgin said...

this is so obscure. Hi-V.

(Titan, btw)

Daydream Billiever said...

no music city miracles here, Bill all the way!

Frank Reich said...

An oiler can change his name to sound tough, but he is still an oiler, and buffalo bill will destroy him, and drink his milkshake. He may have a big first half lead, but I think Bill's gonna make a 2nd half comeback.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Tennessee Titans its time to Titan up!

/worst halftime crowd pump up attempt ever.

Otto Man said...

I've been to games at both stadiums.

The Bills pump up the crowd with a Flintstones bit of Fred and Barney in their lodge outfits, saying "Go, go Buffaloes!"

The Titans pump up the crowd with a clip of Denzel from "Remember the Titans."

Advantage: Me, for using both moments to head to the beer vendor.

Ryan The Intern said...

If he entered to "One" by a certain other band, well, that would have swung it for me.

Unknown said...

e.e. cummings doesn't show up on nearly enough sports blogs