Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Here’s A Juicy Rumor: Sprint’s Simply Everything Plan Will Save You A Bundle!

While we’re busy trying to figure out which draft pick might possibly sign with which agent (because that’s interesting!), or telling you that Terry Bradshaw is dead, or pointing out that free agent contract you read about wasn’t quite as lucrative as originally reported, or re-reporting what Adam Schefter just said, or thinking of creative nicknames for reporters we don’t like (like Len Pastabelly, because he’s fat and Italian, and therefore must eat lots of pasta!), or posting YouTubes of PFTV from UHF Channel 61’s main shanty right in the heart of Morgantown, we at PFT like to talk.

On the phone.

We like it a lot.

That’s why we were so thrilled to switch over the other day to Sprint’s Simply Everything plan. They let us talk, text, send picture mail, and do so much more, all for just $99.99 a month!

Obviously, Sprint is the exclusive telecommunications partner of this site, but believe us when we say we wouldn’t endorse this plan if we didn’t think it was the best out there. And it is the best.

The absolute best.

It’s so good, it makes T-Mobile’s myFaves 600 plan look like Ocho Stinko! Ha ha!

Our guess is you won't find a better plan anywhere else on the market. It’s the one we rely on to get in touch with our top NFL source (A sanitation worker named Manuel who works in the building just two blocks down from Valley Ranch) and let you know the real NFL scoop! Stuff like:

-Brett Favre might unretire!
-Then again, he might not!
-But if he does or doesn’t, we’ll be able to refer back as having predicted it!
-Chad Johnson might possibly be traded if we report the idea enough!
-We assume Roger Goodell will come down hard on a player or coach of some sort!
-Carl Peterson is a poopyhead!
-We think someone might get slapped with the franchise tag!
-We plot out various potential legal scenarios based on ever-shifting circumstances!
-We tell you that some big news might be forthcoming, and that we’ll know specific details when it happens!
-We learn about all the amazing wireless accessories Sprint has to offer!

Sprint lets us do all that and more! And. We. Love. It. So take it from us and switch today.

Would we ever lead you astray?


flubby said...

"It's like people only do things because they get paid, and that's just really sad."

Ian Striz said...

Sprint is terrible. They're crooks. I can't wait 'til our contract expires.

naptown drew said...


If AT&T U-Verse digital TV is available in your area, ditch Comcast. Better picture, cheaper on the whole, and you don't pay extra for NFL Network (not that it will be around much longer) or Big Ten Network (if you care about hick sports like me). U-Verse is the balls like Spalding.

the beet said...

the worst thing about the site is their photoshops. look it's elton john's head on jaworski's body! get it? they both have stupid glasses, fucking hilarious! give me brandon marshall getting tripped up by mayor mccheese any day

also, you forgot to have florio refer to himself as "some Internet hack"

Capital City Goofball said...

So how do you feel about Florio BBD?

JAMMQ said...

Make to check us out on one our 18 radio spots that we shamelessly promote where we will talk about Michael Vick for the 48th week in a row . . .

and you can also check us out at SportingNews.com . . .

or at your apartment if you are willing to pay our appearance fee.

Spatula said...

I had Sprint when they first started in the '80s. Not only did I get double billed, but Sprint would charge me with late payments ten days after they had cashed my payment check. I hope their balls grow teeth and attack each other.

MyBoysAreMyLife said...

So how do you feel about Florio BBD?

Yes Big Breasted Drew, please tell us.

I don't know who's the bigger hack, Florio or Mortensen.

naptown drew said...

So how do you feel about Florio BBD?

I hope they can rekindle the old magic they had with classics like "Do Me" and "Poison," but I don't think Bell Biv Devoe needs to add a "Florio" to their name. They're only confusing their ultra-loyal fan base.

Matt said...

One scoop you missed:

-Someone out there is tampering. But everyone out there is tampering. Who gives a shit? I do, because a tree that falls in the forest DOES make a sound, even if no one's listening to me or cares about what I'm saying!

I actually like PFT, but you're totally spot on about the Adam Schefter thing. It gets annoying to report shit that happened 3 hours ago and can also be found on NFL.com. Which is (or was) also a PFT sponsor. Weird.

Otto Man said...

I hope they can rekindle the old magic they had with classics like "Do Me" and "Poison,"

Beat me to it, Naptown. Nice work.

explosivebeer said...

Damn, apparently there's a lot of antipathy around for PFT. They're far from perfect, but they generally have an interesting or at least different take on random NFL happenings, often with a bit of sarcasm.

I thought the blogging world would be somewhat open to that. Then again, I guess if you're not in the inner circle (KSK, Deadspin, With Leather, etc.) then you're just another entity to make fun of.

MDZ said...

PFT is a decent one stop posting board for various NFL stories and rumors. The problem that I have with them is that Florio is a complete and utter douche. He is self congratulatory, and is just an assbag who likes to make stuff up and claim that he has inside sources for the rare rumor that he actually posts. Then he'll get all whiny and defensive when his rumors are inevitably proven false. For every "rumor" there are 15 stories from elsewhere (only some with cites), and 4 advertisements for Sprint and NFL Network. Plus it's a shame how he turned a good analyst in Michael David Smith into another self important ass.

Unsilent Majority said...

Yes, we never mock our own. It's our credo.

smurphette said...

Love to flub and naptown drew for the WW and BBD comments. I may or may not have both of those songs on my ipod.

P.S. Marmalard is on NFL Live right now, and you will all be relieved to know that he has "no intention of changing" how he acts on the field.

TH said...

Mortensen, definitely, because he's on TV and has a wider audience.

Also, because I hate ESPN more than anything sports related except for the Dallas Cowboys, the Atlanta Braves and Kobe Bryant.

Kyle321N said...

Good thing I missed Marmalard on NFL Live. I wouldn't want the stereotype I have in my head to be proven wrong.

/hopes for a "You better ask somebody" moment in the near future, but for the time being will now go re-read the Marmalard saga.

WV: berer- the eventual champion of the KSK Kill Kill Kill Tourney.

Tracer Bullet said...

His blubbering, histrionic screed when he thought DickRod was going to Alabama ("B-b-but what am I gonna tell my sooon? What about loyaltyyyy?") is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Fuck you and the rest of the couch-burning cousin-fuckers in your shithole state, asswipe.

jackin'4beats said...

Sprint is terrible. They're crooks. I can't wait 'til our contract expires.

Well just don't ever call them with a service related question, your contract will be re-upped to infinity.