Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I Don't Understand Why We Signed T.J. Duckett AND Julius Jones to Back Me Up

Guys, I think Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett are great players. I really do. And I like the way they fit into Seattle's offense -- T.J.'s a big back who has a disappointingly finesse style, while Julius has great field vision that needs outstanding run-blocking to have any kind of success. I plan to take them under my wing, you know, show them how to put those two styles together.

But I have to ask... is this really fair to Maurice Morris? He's obviously the odd man out in this equation. I talked to him earlier today, and he sounded excited about two men taking up his locker. I don't know why he'd be okay with switching teams at this point, but that's a sign that the team definitely signed two running backs to replace one. Right?

I mean, I even talked to Tiki. He assured me that these two free agent running backs are mere insurance for my inevitable Week 4 injury, and that the Seahawks will need my leadership on the sidelines until I come back in Week 8, stronger than ever. Then get injured again. Then play the final two weeks of the season. Maybe. The point is, if anyone knows that a team needs a veteran RB's leadership to succeed, it's Tiki!

Seahawks GM Tim Ruskell: Get out. You're fired.

: Fired?

Ruskell: No, I'm kidding! I just wanted to see how that would feel to say.

Alexander: Phew!

: We gave you to the Raiders.

Alexander: You mean traded?

Ruskell: Are you kidding?! We couldn't get a prosciutto panini for your washed up ass. Although Al Davis sent us this nice Bo Jackson poster.

We're going to burn it in effigy the next time we play on Monday night and they run the clips of him destroying Bosworth and running into the tunnel.

Alexander: Oh. So... I guess I should--

: Seriously, just get out. We'll mail you the contents of your locker.

Alexander: Oh.

(walks away dejected)

(falls down two yards before getting to door)


Alan said...

Shouldn't he have tripped over an office fern first?

Les Savy Ferd said...

best KSK post of the free agency/pre-draft NFL nadir period. and i care shit about the seahawks. (last line says it all)

Claude Balls said...

This can't be a Captain Caveman post. It doesn't bitch about profootballtalk.com or Mike Florio.

Captain Caveman said...

This can't be a Captain Caveman post. It doesn't bitch about profootballtalk.com or Mike Florio.

Let's see you back up your bitchy comment with evidence, shithead.

Claude Balls said...

I just scanned the entire post. It makes no mention of Florio or his website.

Oh wait, that's not what you meant, is it?

Why so touchy?

Suss said...

But Alexander has one perfectly good tendon, and you never know when you'll need parts.

Gourmet Spud said...

Locker contents:

King James Bible - 1
Holmgren Voodoo Doll - 1
Photo with Wayne Brady (autographed) - 1
Angry letters from Fantasy owners - sackful

smurphette said...

@claude balls: Don't ask questions, just bask in the anger. You know you like it.

Smello said...

I still have that poster on my bedroom wall in my parent's house. When I'm home, I can pretend it's the mid-80s again and my team doesn't suck.

Good times.

Captain Caveman said...

I'm not touchy. I'm fueled by a neverending fury that burns like fission.

Big Daddy Drew said...

The Florio parody comes LATER this week, dammit!

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

But who will be the Byron Leftwich to Seneca's Silky Garrard?

Claude Balls said...

I'm not touchy. I'm fueled by a neverending fury that burns like fission.

Good thing no one ever handed you a gun.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

I believe Claude Balls just put Captain Caveman in his burn book.

/bitter that his missed out on the Mean Girls comments last post

J said...

mmmmm fission fury

Animal Mother said...

Tiki is taking full credit for this post. If it weren't for him, this post would have not been humorous.

Steve said...

Why do I get the feeling that the next place Shaun will turn up is as Starina at The Birdcage?

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

That child of Kolber thing just made me spill my post toasties.

Anonymous said...

I know this isn't the place for such nerdy discussions, but....the Seahawks can only get the cap relief if they cut Shaun Alexander. For some reason, they only save a 100K or so if they trade him.

Sorry Shaun, butyou aren't getting traded to the Raiders. You are getting cut, and then you'll sign with the Raiders when they offer you another $62 million-dollar contract!!!

dick_gozinia said...

I'm never buying another Seahawks running back jersey again. Stupid Julius Jones...he wasn't the best RB on the Cowboys and probably not even the best one in his family.

/hangs up Alexander jersey next to Ricky Watters jersey.

Mike Terrill said...

Where's the [door flies open]?

WV:mcwirsk - Shaun's next job in Moscow.

jackin'4beats said...

I had no idea that one of the Barber brothers played for the Seahags.

Shaun Arexandel get treee smirre!

HWesley said...

Ah, bet Duckett's dad is pissed he's still not with the lions..

Ya'll dunno how happy that makes me, he's a fucking dick

(Was my Gym and History teacher in HS, which is same as Duckett's HS)

Anonymous said...