Friday, September 28, 2007

Put me on the board! Put me on the Cadillac board!

Welcome to the Week 4 edition of Always Be Covering. As you may be aware, the bulk of my gambling advice should not actually be taken. For the most part everything you read here will be in jest, but not anymore.

How bout that! Last week I decided to put a modest wager on my 8 favorite games and I ended up making money. I didn't even know you could do that! So after a 4-2-2 week I'm ready to declare my self a damn expert. With that being said, Always Be Closing will now be classified as "KSK Insider" material. From this point on this content will only be available to dues paying members. If you would like to keep reading we must insist that you mail us a check for five dollars every month.


Seriously, send us some fucking money or stop reading right now. Don't go ruining the honor system for everyone!

Welcome to the new and improved Always Be Closing...After Dark! Where anything can happen...

No, I'm not on just seems like it sometimes. Let's get to the picks.

Oakland +4 at Miami
Anytime the Dolphins are giving more than a field goal count me against them.

Green Bay -3 at Minnesota
Sorry Drew, but White Jesus is still more powerful than Purple Jesus. Frankly I prefer Earl Monroe.

New York Jets -3.5 at Buffalo
I wonder if I'll regret taking all of these road teams...nah, probably not. I like betting against Buffalo the way hipsters like detachment.

Tampa Bay +3 at Carolina
I'm thrilled to welcome David Carr back into my world. L'chaim!

Pittsburgh -6.5 at Arizona
Another road team? Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "traveling is a fool's paradise," but then he says "my giant goes with me wherever I go." If the coaches are showing My Giant on the team bus then you have to figure they'll be pretty pissed by the time they get to the Pink Taco.

Detroit +3 vs. Chicago
I'd rather shave my balls with a fillet knife than take Griese and the points.

St. Louis +13.5 at Dallas
Uh-oh. I hope Jesus heals Bulger next.

Philadelphia Eagles -3 at New York
Will Donovan McNabb still be able to see Kevin Curtis when he's dressed in the same colors as the field? Let's hope so.


New England -6.5 at Cincinnati
The second I heard that Rudi Johnson was ruled out for Monday's game I jumped all over this one. To be fair, I was going to bet on New England anyways, that's just good business. But considering the injury I decided to put two and a half times as much money on this one than all of the others.

And now a little (big) something(s) just for fun...

There's something different about Ed Hochuli this year...

There you have it, now go forth and wager.


Anonymous said...

Seriously UM, if you want to pursue this "KSK Insider" angle, you guys must inject a serious amount of porno vids and pics into these articles. Well, the ref boobs are a NICE start.

Nah, I admit Wade Phillips and Ron Mexico are worth an entrance fee. Which Swiss bank account should I wire the $5 to?

Verdant Earl said...

Um, was there something important up there before the boob pic?

Slash said...

Damn I miss Jack Lemmon.

Signal to Noise said...

Boobs make everything better.

Even WITH Rudi Johnson healthy, the Pats at -6.5 is still too small a spread.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

At least she had a decent surgeon. The Ed Hochuli remark was a nice touch, though.

Anonymous said...

Is that the same Kevin Dillon that plays RB for the Pats?

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

I need those goddamn leads!

Wormfather said...

I think you're going to regret taking the Pats there, I'm thinking the Bengals will cover.

Grimey said...

They made a movie about Creed???

My Insignificant Life said...

Boobs, does a body good.

El Duffo O Muerte said...

This YouTube freak-out moment brought to you by Nike.

The Last Unitard said...


That is all. Have a nice weekend, everyone, and if you're in baltimore saturday night (I don't know why you would be) come see my band at the metro gallery. Now with 20% fewer stabbings!