Thursday, September 6, 2007

KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekakke – Indianapolis Colts

Fast Facts About the Indianapolis Colts:
In case anyone asks, you do NOT want to go to the "Sorgi Orgy" after the game tonight.

Peyton Manning now has a children's hospital named after him. His former Tennessee Volunteer teammate Travis Henry is working furiously towards having a maternity ward named in his honor. [Yes, I'm driving Travis Henry jokes into the ground. Join me, won't you?]

Travel note to out-of-town visitors: Indianapolis has a new stadium this year. When you get to the flashing yellow light at the only intersection in town- turn left, it's about a half-mile past the big grain silo, near the old Piggly-Wiggly.

Look Boomer, we're all excited about the new NFL season, but,
please, wipe that shit-eating grin off your face.

Tony Dungy was recently appointed by GWB to the President's Council on Service and Civic Participation. By our count, this makes him 56th in the line of succession to the White House-- just behind the Under-Secretary of the Department of Interior and one spot ahead of Cheney Replicant #18.

Tight end Ben Utecht has developed a rudimentary pidgin language based solely on Sen. Larry Craig's system of men's room foot taps and hand gestures. A word of warning: three taps and a slow wave means "This outside linebacker is playing me loose in the flat," while three taps, a wave and a cough means "I'm a bottom, turn up the Rufus Wainwright!"

Joseph Addai, an LSU alum, might have big money on this weekend's LSU-Va. Tech Tragedy Bowl. According to Vegas, Stranded on the Roof for Nine Days is a 13-point favorite over Sending Frantic Text Messages While Cowering Under a Desk.

In the German language, there are different words for eating by humans and eating by animals. Fortunately for tubby here, English makes no such distinction. This kid will probably be mayor of Indianapolis. He may be the mayor right now for all we know.

Face it, the league is desperate to keep middle America teams out of the Super Bowl. Commissioner Roger Goodell was still finding his bearings last season, so the Colts were finally able to break through in the playoffs. Rest assured, Rog will not allow that to happen this season. We fully expect to see Ed Hochuli tying Marvin Harrison's shoelaces together while ignoring a Kimo Von Oelhoffen-style shot to Manning's knees at some point later this season. But not tonight-- look for the Colts to open up the economy-sized can of whoop-ass on the Saints.

Thus far, the KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House has raised over $400 for disabled veterans and their families. Not bad for a piddly shit site like ours. You can donate directly to FH here.


Fangirls on Helium said...

That kid IS the mayor.

naptown drew said...

What, no "10 yards of awkwardness with Jeff Saturday?"

Unknown said...

How much would you pay that kid to legally change his name to Fatass McBlobicus?

Me: $200

Gorgonzola said...

Honest to God, when I first started playing the video I thought it was of a competitive popcorn eating contest.