Wednesday, September 5, 2007

KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekakke – Tennessee Titans

The Amber Alert was issued shortly after this picture was taken.

Fast facts about the Tennessee Titans

Vince Young has a rose tattoo for each special woman in his life. He also has a corndog tattoo for every teammate he sucker-punches in training camp. (Seriously dawg, sticking up for a valued teammate is one thing, risking your season over a spare like Courtney Roby is just dumb).

Bud Adams was close to firing coach Jeff Fisher after last season, but changed his mind when Fisher agreed to grow a beard and pretend to be Wolfman Jack for a week.

The bad news for Titans fans: your team lost their leading rusher and receiver from last season. The good news: it was only Drew “Sweater Boy” Bennett and the Travis “Sperminator” Henry.

Run-stopper Corey Simon makes his return to the NFL after missing all of last season. Alas, Corey didn’t spend the year off thinking of a tougher sounding name. “Corey Simon” sounds like a seminary student. Let me throw out a couple of suggestions on the house… Ropecock Jenkins and Gumbercules McBallcrusher.

Once again, Rob Bironas (Louisville Trinity High) will handle place-kicking duties for the Titans. But some, including BradyFan83, long for the days when Joe Nedney was the man in Nashvegas:

Hat tip to Fanhouse and MDS. Definitely not the worst sports blogger ever.

Take it from someone who has Titans’ football foisted on them regularly via the scourge that is regional coverage: this is one dull football team. We’re talking “Scrubs” dull. Morrissey dull. The only thing saving this team from being an unwatchable snoozefest is Vince Young. Titans fans should get down on their hands and knees and thank the invisible man in the sky of their choosing for Vince Young. Do you know what Titans football would be without Vince Young? Fucking Vandy football on Sundays, that’s what. And nobody wants that.

This week, we’re holding the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House, which supports disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.


LD said...

Gumbercules? I love that guy!

Weed Against Speed said...

Morrisey isn't dull - and either is the knife I use to cut myself while listening to his music.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Morrissey has made an entire career out of being bored with Morrissey.

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

So what does that say about me if I enjoy a Vandy game on Saturday then watch the Titans on Sunday? I think I am going to go have a big glass of unflavored nonfat ice milk.

flubby said...

a big glass of unflavored nonfat ice milk

Which is the strongest beverage they will sell you at Vandy's godforsaken stadium. I learned that the hard way at a Pink Floyd show.

Big Daddy Drew said...

Is that the lite ice milk? That's some watery deliciousness!

Wormfather said...

You know, you've only got like 29 hours to get these things done. Otherwise it'll just be a Kakke

Pemulis said...

Wasn't Corey Simon the name of the challenger on Iron Chef America that used to be buddy buddy with Bill Murray? I can't remember what the battle was, but he lost to Flay. Probably not the same guy though. Man I love the Food Network

Adam said...

Vandy football might suck, but vandy pre and post games can be fantastic if your cock/liver/septum can go the distance. Not necessarily in that order.

SlideShow Bob said...

any day we can get a Futurama qoute is a good day in my book.

August West said...

My Commies and Titans getting mentioned in one post?

I'll take it, even with the jabs...

Trader Rick said...

Future Jeff Fisher press conference quotes:

"Jeff, which receivers will start next game?"
JF: "What difference does it make?"

"Coach, how do you feel about the way your defense played?"
"Heaven knows I'm miserable now."

"OK, so Vince Young and Ricky Williams walk into a Sooners bar..."
JF: "That joke isn't funny anymore."

"What's the general mood in the locker room?"
JF: "Panic"

"Coach, what is the main reason for stepping down?"
JF: "I started something I couldn't finish"

"How soon will you begin looking for your next job?"
JF: "How soon is now?"

Matt said...

I can actually see that happening....

El Duffo O Muerte said...

Is there a way the Titans could line up tackles at the wideout position to block when VY runs on every play? They may have a chance then.

p.s. Fuck Joe Nedney and his false roughing the kicker shenanigans.

Jay said...

Whoa whoa whoa, let's get one thing clear. Scrubs is NOT boring in any way, shape or form - it's just depressingly shit.

Ryan The Intern said...

As soon as I saw Trinity, I knew this had to be flubby.

vitustinnitus said...

as someone who graduated from vandy and lived in austin all of his life (excepting the four years at vandy), i must say, i approve of this post.

vince young is god.

that is all.

well actually, i might add that the word verification aspect of posting comments is exceptionally hard when you're really drunk. and that is all.