A "Season" with NFL Head Coach (PS2)

When I saw that EA Sports was making an NFL game based solely on coaching and personnel decisions, I was intrigued, but not intrigued enough to drop $40 on it. On the other hand, my close friend from the Midwest, Lipton T. Grooveworthy, nearly had a sexy-time explosion in his pants when I told him about the game, and bought it as soon as it came out. What follows is the first part of a four-part series of conversations we had about the game, and his updates on his progress as he takes the helm of the Cleveland Browns.

APRIL 6

MMP:
Here's another NFL game. Not sure if I would buy it, but it looks pretty sweet.
LINK

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
I just got around to checking this out. I'm 99% sure i'm going to buy this. I love the offseason stuff in Madden, it's my favorite part. This game has the feel (from what I've read) of being right up my alley.

MMP:
It does look pretty tits. I about shit a brick when they said you could export the team and play them in Madden 07. I think M 07's new feature will be offseason party control, complete with cruise ships and hookers.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
HAHA, I want to be the Vikings coach so I can organize these trips and let my draft clock run out in the first round.

MMP:
I want to be Carolina's coach so I can lose the most disappointing playoff games.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
I want to be the Jets head coach so i can waste the draft for the 20th year in a row.

MMP:
Funny story [my wife] overheard at the [college rec center]: this guy was at a party and this girl started coming onto him and so he calls his gf in the bathroom so they could go on a break. Goes out of the bathroom, fucks the other girl, goes right back in the john and calls her back, "Okay, we're off the break now."

Sheesh, college kids.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
HAHA! And the award for "Best Use of a Break" goes to this dumbass.

MMP:
That is the dating equivalent of the basketball player calling timeout as he's falling out of bounds.

I was down until he called the girl back RIGHT AFTER. At least towel yourself off or something?

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
I would love to hear the gf's perspective on the call(s). She was okay with being on an assumed 20 minute break?

Common courtesy says to at least wipe clean before ending the break.

MMP:
I am shocked at how many college girls are just looking for sex anymore. If she did take him back (that is not confirmed), I would imagine that would be why. Call it a scrimmage.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
Yeah, but you can't take a time out during a regulation game (relationship) to have a "friendly". I can't believe i just made a soccer reference. Someone shoot me.

MMP:
I think you just like the word "friendly" as a noun. We will grant amnesty for your wordsmanship. But yes, the analogy does break down a bit. Is it more like Tony Stewart running the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 in the same day?

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
nah, only because he ended up going back to the Indy 500.
it might be more like Michael Jordan's stint with baseball. but not quite on that level.

JUNE 22 (Game has just been released)

MMP:
Did you buy NFL Head Coach yet?

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
It just came out today and I don’t get paid until tomorrow morning. It will happen though.

MMP:
You'll have to let me know how that game is.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
Will do! [My girlfriend] is already giving me shit about it. I would out-coach you, sucka’. I would love to hear coaching smack. You need the net. And the headset for maximum trash talk capabilities. I’m pretty excited about this game. I might break down and go get it at lunch from the Target. Target.com already is pre-ordering for Madden 07 featuring Shaun Alexander. Remember that [Madden cover jinx] come FF draft time.

MMP:
I had Alexander in my pay league [last year] and rode him all the way to 2nd place. He could be on the cover of Cat Fancy and I would still take him. I wonder if the money [the cover athletes] make from that is enough to offset the injuries that they get from the jinx.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
Not sure, give McNabb a call and find out. I’m off to lunch to buy NFL Head Coach. Be back in a bit.

JUNE 22 (after Lipton T. Grooveworthy comes back from lunch, having bought the game)

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
Can’t tell you yet if the game is awesome. I played it for about an hour. I’m still taking care of admin tasks. I am the new head coach of the Browns. I hired Romeo Crennel to be on my defensive staff. I’m about to re-sign players.

I like it so far, more to come…

MMP:
Sweet. Did you redecorate your office and sexually harass your secretary? That stuff's important, ya know.

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
Not yet. I don’t think the office is redecorateable and I haven’t seen the secretary yet. These are keys to a championship team, though. The game starts you at what I assume is the beginning of the off-season; before the draft, before re-signing players, and before free agency.

The game does make you manage time, sort of. It blocks off your calendar for certain tasks, but for the tasks I’ve done so far, they’ve had unlimited actual time to complete them. I’m sure some other stuff has an actual time limit, like the draft. And once you’re done with one task, you can proceed to the next, without having to wait for the time block to expire.

MMP:
Sounds like a real job. I hope the game pays well. Are you sure there are no secretaries?

Lipton T. Grooveworthy:
It’s pretty in depth. After creating myself in my own image (which amounted to just changing the name and choosing 1 of 5 voices), it asks you some situational football questions and you have 1 of 3 possible responses. After answering about 10 of those, you get offers from several teams. I accepted the Browns gig for 3 years, $7 million.

I haven’t seen secretaries yet. I’ll keep you posted. But maybe you should keep an eye out for EA’s “Sexual Harassment 2007” for your secretary fix.

MMP:
Wow, you're cheap, for only $7 mil, I would have gotten two or three of you. I think you just like the Browns; I bet you lowballed yourself.

SH 07 should be sweet. I think Isiah Thomas is going to be on the cover of that game.

Coming soon: Part II