Wednesday, July 12, 2006

“Football Is Nuclear Retardation Disease”

It’s July, and that means the opening of training camp is near! Unless you’re Joe Theismann and lack the basic mental ability to process information anyway, you’re gonna need a refresher course in your X’s and O’s! And who better to reacquaint you with the game we all know and love better than intrepid Kazakhstani reporter, Ali G alter ego, and rape enthusiast Borat?

If you are unfamiliar with Borat’s work or the Ali G show DVD’s, then heed these words of Will Ferrell as James Lipton: “Go right now to a place where videotapes or film are sold or rented, and buy it… or rent it… and watch it. It is delightful.” And if you don’t happen to find Borat funny, well then good luck on your Bar exam, you humorless lawyer fuck. (Apologies to Falco.)

This extra from the DVD of the second season of “Da Ali G Show” finds Borat in the lunatic stronghold that is the state of Texas, learning the art of catching the ball from a high school coach who is roughly 4’3”. And if you don’t think the Seahawks immediately tried to sign Borat after viewing this tape, well then you don’t know the Seahawks. Note to Mike Holmgren: Borat will not catch pass thrown by dirty Jew. But he will tackle Jew by his horns. Chenqui!



(Note: Speaking of Theismann, I was listening to Norman Einstein being interviewed on The Sports Reporters radio show down here in DC the other day. The host, Steve Czaban, who is normally halfway decent, asked Joe this question about Tony Kornheiser: “If Tony messes up in the booth, will you call him on it?” He asked this question with a straight face. It’s very rare that my irony detector hits DefCon 1. But that’s talk radio for you. It's gonna be a long season.)

11 comments:

Unsilent Majority said...

Steve Czaban has a vagina...that is all

AwfulAnnouncing said...

Since when is Czab been good? By good do you mean better than Brian Mitchell on the radio?

A.R.P. said...

MNF should be called by Smokin' Al Koken, Rick "Doc" Walker, and John "Only By Phone" Thompson.

BTW: Czab is a "D" sucker for sure.

Oh and: Get yer ass to the Green Turtle for some Natty Bohs and Joe Jacoby hun!

Anonymous said...

i heard steve czaban and the sports reporters will now have a morning show. i'd rather listen to mike and mike.

Unsilent Majority said...

czaban's new show isn't with the sports reporters, they keep their old slot.

bigtdog said...

Yes. The SportsReporters are awful. Especially if you want to hear POVs more slanted and shameless than Bayless on the topic of T.O. (which happens to be the only thing Bayless is correct about).

They should just retitle that show -- the Redskins Circle Jerk. Then the uninformed would be put on notice, and society would benefit and could conveniently avoid Brian Mitchell too. (Apologies to UM).

BDD: Nice Seahawks dig. Will this be a recurring theme?

BoSox Siobhan said...

WTEM is nearly unlistenable these days. God I miss Tony Kornheiser.

RectumDamnNearKilledEm said...

It's "dzienkuje." I like.

- Humorless (part polack) Lawyer Fuck who loves ya!

A.R.P. said...

Oh, wow-wa-wee-wow.

4th&26 said...

Czab- Not good, has a vagina, and probably has a fitted white sheet he likes to wear at bonfires.

A.R.P. said...

You want to make romance inside czab? Not with force!