Sunday, January 14, 2007

Peter King = Larry King

I wasn't gonna make any more fun of Peter King because he seems like a nice guy. And really, where do you go after graphically depicting him taking in Tony Romo's Meat Thermometer?

Then, of course, he wrote this:

In one of the biggest games of his pressurized nine-year NFL career, Peyton Manning played with the cool detachment of the greatest Colt of them all, Johnny Unitas, on Saturday.

Is this some sort of Bizarro Unitas no one informed me of?

It wasn't anywhere near the best game of his life, but under the circumstances -- a playoff game in the city that now lives to hate the Colts, against a Baltimore defense that was both the most feared and top-rated in the NFL this season -- it was one of the most rewarding.

Colts 15, Revenge 6.

Payback? This time, it's for real! In your face, Baltimore! You somehow managed to suck worse!

In beating the Ravens, the AFC's second seed, Manning showed how ridiculous a stat quarterback rating is, compiling a woeful 39.6 rating. But he completed 15 of 30 passes, was sacked only once and threw two interceptions (one a Hail-Mary sort of punt) while controlling the line of scrimmage throughout and taking away the Baltimore defense's aggressiveness.

It's true. The rating should more accurately reflect a game where Manning completed 50% of his throws, threw two picks (oh, I'm sorry, one very strategic punt), and threw two other balls that should have been intercepted. What a masterwork!

He outplayed his co-2003 MVP, Baltimore quarterback Steve McNair, who threw two terribly inopportune interceptions in Indianapolis territory.

You know who else outplayed Steve McNair yesterday? EVERYONE. Including the punter. We have entered some sort of new level of dicksuckery, where King is actively trying to convince me that I saw something I very much did not, and I don't like it. The Colts only won the past two weeks because Archie Manning went to HNIC Roger Goddell and demanded his kid win a Super Bowl. Peter King, you are an enabler of shitty quarterbacking. Knock it off, or there's more gay porn in your future.


Anonymous said...

dick suckin' fool in pussy lickin' school

8hrdrive said...

I think PK is baiting you, drew.

TTomb said...

I get the anger bit. He sucks. But "dicksuckery", well that my internets friend has made me laugh a good 'ol second chin flapping laugh. Postscript- Don't write stupid, funny and downright hilarious stuff on a Sunday. I saw enough of that last night and my self inflicted head wound cannot stand it.

peytonloveskenny said...

It's sad to think Peter King is being paid to write "analysis" like that pile of shit.

genius said...

He's not the only one. On sportscenter, they said McNair played a "horibble" game, but they said nothing about Manning having fewer yards and completions and the same number of picks.

think about it.

Mike said...

I think McNair's goal-line INT was also a punt. Steve just got mixed up on that "Who's 5 yard line we on?" part.

Otherwise, it was perfectly executed.

And c'mon Drew, give Peyton his due: he sucked yesterday, but in a game that was Willie McGee-ugly, he brought his game down to the level. It was a MASTERFUL tactic on his part. That's why he's the greatest QB of all time.

doug_plank said...

Sounds like Peter King is gunning to be the Chinese Finger Cuff with Manning and Romo.

Signal to Noise said...

Every sports pundit should be warned: any more intolerable bullshitting and you will be written into gay porn.

It would be a good deterrent.

doug_plank: ick.

Unknown said...

King is such a fucking tool. Manning had zip td's but two int' game of his career? Are you on a 4 day crack binge King? Get some sleep and pull Peytons dick outta your ass.

a.c. said...

HNIC.... bahahahahaa.