Friday, November 10, 2006

Winning you money so you can afford clock radio...Great Success!

Welcome to the 10th edition of our weekly feature, Always Be Covering. The following is a small sample of the games I'll be investing in sometime before Clinton runs for two bills on the Iggles and Gil drops 50 on the Bucks.

While I may appear startlingly brilliant (or possibly not) you must remember that this is a humor site. If you take me too seriously you should probably just start handing over your spare cash towards a mental health professional.

Pittsburgh -4.5 vs. New Orleans
The Steelers keep loosing and Vegas keeps favoring them...I just can't take it anymore, somebody has to make it stop before my fucking head explodes.

Washington +6 at Philadelphia
I never bet on, or against, my Washington Redskins. But I'd be remiss if didn't throw this game into the mix. Washington's got all the momentum they could ever ask for and Philly's been slipping like K-Fed career opportunities. We all know that Andy Reid is a fat sack of shit but I always assumed he was a competent coach. That shitty theory went out the window when his team scored six points on a Jaguar defense without the services of Mike Peterson and Marcus Stroud...what a bunch of bitches. I just hope Mama Portis beats the shit out of Mama McNabb.

Kansas City -1.5 at Miami
It's ok to bet on Herm. It's ok to bet on Herm. It's ok to bet on Herm. Fuck, this better work. KC has been lighting it up like the Sunshine Band. LJ's gonna lace up his Boogie Shoes and Take it to the House like Trick Daddy.

Shy-lock of the Week (4-2, fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck)
(2 teams, 6 point tease)Another gentile in disguise

New England -4.5 vs. New Jersey Jets
The Jets fought valiantly (you know, for the Jets) in their early season loss to the Pats. Despite their best efforts they still lost by a touchdown at home, and it could have been much worse. Brady is going to recover from last week (he was riding the cotton pony) and Belichick lays awake at night thinking up ways to fuck Mangina in the...uh...mangina.

Indianapolis -7 vs. Buffalo
Buffalo sucked dick with Willis, I don't see Anthony Thomas helping matters much. With Bob Sanders (hey SG, why isn't he on the Reggie Cleveland All Stars?) back in the lineup the Colts defense is more than just Cato June on speed.

*Both lines have been teased 6 points

Who do you like this week? We welcome you to share all of your ill-fated picks in the comment section.


PUNTE said...

SD - 1.5 @ CIN. The Bengals are making me cry in my Bud Light.

Total Recall: best Schwarzenegger movie ever?

doug_plank said...

Bears in a Pick 'em.

Giants too achy, Urlacher will play, Barrian will play.

At least I'm convincing myself of this victory.

peytonloveskenny said...

Vegas keeps favoring the Steelers because eventually they will find someone who doesn't fumble every punt/kick return and Big Ben will stop making really bad decisions. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Christmas Ape said...

I would just like to point out, between crying jags, that the Steelers have the NFL's 6th ranked offense and 8th ranked defense. Of course, they also, after eight games, have more turnovers than they had in the entire regular season last year, which is exactly why they're 2-6. And now, more weeping.

Worldwide Reader said...

A tease with PHI -1 vs WAS and DAL -1 @ ARZ.

Steelers win by 17.

Grimey said...

I'm whittling the discussion down to Total Recall, Predator, Commando and The Running Man.

This could take all day.

Unsilent Majority said...

grimey, here's the list

1. Terminator
2. Kindergarten Cop
3. The Running Man

doug_plank said...

Gotta have Predator in there.


rock n rye said...

bet the bank on Roy Williams saying the Lions are the best "insert record here" team in the history of the galaxy.

Grimey said...

I'm going to go with this:

1. The Running Man (CLAP IF YOU LOVE DYNAMO)

2. Predator ("There's something up there in those trees....")

3. Terminator 2: Judgement Day... even though it spawned a time paradox that I have thought about way too much while taking shits.

Signal to Noise said...

1. Total Recall
2. Terminator 2
3. Predator

I admit, it's hard to watch these now because I live in CA, but that'd be how I'd do it.

I'm taking the Saints + 4.5 against the Steelers this week. Who keeps giving the Steelers the odds, even at home? It's like they haven't watched a thing this year.

constantly topless said...

i told you the lines for both the pats AND indy games were way too high, and yet you still made them your shylocks... maybe youll listen to a goyum next time

last lines of commando, which i know by heart...
"Leave anything for us?"
"Just bodies."
"Any chance of coming back and rejoining the unit?"
"No chance.

Cue "We Fight for Love", Roll Credits

Unsilent Majority said...

Well I certainly fucked up this week

JoSCh said...

Ugg. Leaving Conan out is a travesty. Best scenes, falling down the stairs, sitting on the table reciting what is best in life, and James Earl telling him to comtemplate. Crucify HIM!