Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Measty Goodness From a Rumphing Good Sunday

When it's all said and done we may look back on this past Sunday as the most pivotal day in the grueling epic commonly known as fantasy football.

On a side note, I think it's about time we change the name of this game that we all love so much. When I hear "fantasy football" I think about Scarlett Johannson trying to tackle the Greased Up Deaf Guy...but I'm kind of weird like that.

Ufford isn't the only KSKer with a wet soft spot for Scarlett

Regardless a number of measty stat lines could be found in this week's box score, but who was most deserving? Lee Evans had a monstrous day that ruined my fantasy football team's week, but he did it against the triple A Texan defense. Frank Gore rushed for over 200 yards but his end zone allergy really started flaring up. Sadly it manifests itself in the form of a condition known as "sloppy wet vagina hands", the very same ailment that nearly ended Tiki Barber's career before he was popular enough to get a television job.

This week I'm handing out the KSK Meast of the Week to Ocho Cinco, CJ 85, Mr. Chad Johnson. I am an unabashed fan of the greatest thing to happen to to Cinci since Tony Cottrell became DJ Hi Tek (not too much happens in that city). Chad finished the ritualistic rumphing with a meast dampening 190 yards and three touchdowns. Those 190 yards just happened to account for 69% of the Bengals' aerial output, and yes, the entire purpose of this sentence was to see 69 in print.

With all that being said I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the single meastiest play of the week. In fact, I'm going to be bold and declare this the official Measting of the Week. This is Robert Griffith, he will not be trifled with.

I haven't seen a Lion get massacred like that since Mufasa...what? too soon?

If you have a new name for fantasy football please feel free to post it in the comment section...unless your suggestion is "huge waste of time for fucktards"...thanks a lot grandma.


peytonloveskenny said...

You could call it "The Only Reason Anybody Would Ever Care about the Cardinals."

Thomas said...

So you didn't see Mike Brown remove Marcus Pollard from the game last year?

Actually, this is probably a bigger but not by much.

Oh and I remember Jeff Garcia trying to lower his head and downhill against Tommie Harris, not a good idea at all.

Anyways, I feel shame for you when you give meast of the week to a wide receiver. Unless he takes a defender out in some way.

The Big Picture said...

"why Edge sees a little red laser move around on his body periodically."

Signal to Noise said...

I know Tomlinson was the Meast last week, but he deserves an honorable mention for racking up another 4 TD game against what is supposedly a very good defense.

Fantasy Jesus is what he is; all hail our Savior.

Joey D said...

Dungeons and Dragons

Big Daddy Drew said...

Castle Ronwolfenstein.

Trader Rick said...

a pairwise comparison of aggregated performance measures from selected homogeneous NFL player groups

Monkey Faced Liberal said...

Unsilent Majority wrote:

"When I hear "fantasy football" I think about Scarlett Johannson trying to tackle the Greased Up Deaf Guy."

Ok, sorry for being clueless, but could someone please explain this to me?

Is this a movie reference? Is unsilent majority deaf?

Unsilent Majority said...

I've added an explanatory hyperlink.

no i'm not deaf, if i was i'd be the president of Galludet College.

although i am so so def

T.J. said...

GUDF is my dealer...

Monkey Faced Liberal said...

It all makes sense now.