Monday, November 6, 2006

A Heartwarming Big Ben Halloween Story

This is Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger. Or former House of Pain member Everlast. I'm not sure which. I always get them confused.

Anyway, an anonymous reader sends us this tale of Big Ben's Halloween:

Apparently, Big Ben didn't lock the gate to his house on Halloween and some 14-year-old kids decided to go up and ring the doorbell. Roethlisberger answered the door, they said, "trick or treat" and he said sorry, he didn't have anything for them.

One of the kids asked for an autograph, and his response was:

"It's Halloween. Not Christmas."

They walked back out the gate, then it was immediately shut and locked.

What a douchebag.

A couple things about this story. First off, the fact that the kids are 14 makes me sympathize with them less. I'd really like them to be like 6 or 7, which would make Big Ben a real jackass here. But 14-year-olds are exactly the type to ring your doorbell without a costume on and ask for candy, then got all huffy when you don't give them anything. Little fuckers.

The other thing about it that really surprises me is that Roethlisberger knew what time of year it is. Who's to say that was even his house? He could have easily just stumbled into it while in his regular permadaze. Anything is possible.


Vee said...

Too bad they weren't dressed as opposing players. They could have walked away with a football.

gone said...

I did the same thing when I was around the 13ish age and I trick-or-treated at Michael Irvin's house. (he lived in the neighborhood next to me) That moron had his front porch light on - which as all know, means "open for business" during Halloween. My friends and I went knocking on the door - and out comes Irvin himself, waving his hands and saying "no candy, no candy".

It's Halloween, he's a rich and famous Cowboy (who hadn't been caught with a hooker or cocaine yet), we're 13 year old kids who adore him as a football star - and that fucker had the balls to tell us to get off his porch because he didn't have candy for us.

His light must have been on for the coke-addicted crack whores he bought for his candy. My mistake.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

I wonder if he had any Chunky Soup in the house?

Unsilent Majority said...

That website lists Ben under previous owners. besides, i'd find it hard to believe that ben is still kickin in it in a townhouse that costs less than matching bentleys

doug_plank said...

Maybe they could of asked for his motorcycle helmet.He doesn't use that.

Maybe Playmaker had a crack whore named Candy behind him tossing his salad?

Otherwise there is no reason to believe he would be such an asshole.

doug_plank said...

"could of"

I'm retarded!!


Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Yup, UM, Ben moved out of the townhouse.

Plex used to live the same development, and when he left for NYC, Ben got lonely ... and pissed off because a local TV station broadcast video showing where he lived. So he moved. We can only hope he remembers where.

Gentlewhoadie Apt One said...

He used to live on Washington's Landing. Burress lived their too. There's a guy I know whose father is an executive for a trucking company. A fellow executive just sold Ben his house (I don't know where it is). Ben says "Oh, I love this furniture, what do you want for all the furniture."

The executive says, well, come do promotional appearances for my company.

Ben calls his agent and the agent says "You idiot, we're not doing any meet and greets for a trucking company. You make millions of dollars a year. Just buy the furniture."

And that's how I know he doesn't live on Herrs Island anymore.

I do know a story about a friend of a friend who slept with him his rookie year and stole a bunch of his game used jerseys by throwing them out the window while he got out of bed to go to the bathroom. But that's a whole different story.

P.S. Allegheny County's property tax listings are online. If they live in the county and own property, you can find the house.

Joey Porter’s Pit Bulls said...

Retarded is, as retarded does.

Rob I said...

I do know a story about a friend of a friend who slept with him his rookie year and stole a bunch of his game used jerseys by throwing them out the window while he got out of bed to go to the bathroom. But that's a whole different story.

True or false, that's gold.

Trader Rick said...

Did she also save the game worn condom? Yuck. Sorry.

Gentlewhoadie Apt One said...

It gets better. So the jerseys included the Miami game in the rain, plus a number of his other jerseys from the 15-1 year. He kept calling her, telling her he just wanted the jerseys back and he really didn't want to get the FBI involved. Eventually, once he started threatening legal and investigative action, she did the old "leave stuff on doorstep, ring doorbell, run away" trick. All's well that ends well.

When I worked in the Post-Gazette sports section, I heard enough of these stories to make the average person's brain melt. About 70% of those stories were about various Czechs who played for the Penguins and their peculiar relations with the opposite sex.

gone said...

I still love the story about the Pitts women who were dumb enough to fall for the one dude who was impersonating Ben during last season. He even signed jersey's for them.

The guy didn't even look remotely like him.

Paul Rinkes said...

whoadie ... we really, really need to hear more of your stories.

Gentlewhoadie Apt One said...

most of them are about jaromir jagr following strippers home, making drunken proposals and other post-martin-straka-kegger hijinx (I hope Michal Roszival isn't into googling his own name)... skeezy stuff that college boosters do for local recruits. that kind of stuff. A lot of that is rumor, so I don't want to put out the details, because it probably isn't true. but there are some others. let's see...

chris fuamatu-ma'afala used to periodically show up at functions in a grass the winter.

Groups of Steelers periodically host private parties when they don't have practice the next day. They only let the girls they want into the party- you know, a velvet rope kind of deal. During these parties, Jeff Reed picks up chicks in the normal people's part of the bar.

Deshea Townshend honestly thinks a friend of mine who works concessions at PNC and the Igloo is Larry Fitzgerald, and asks him questions about the Buzzsaw in the elevator. "hey man, how come you're in town? how's arizona?"

Pedro Martinez is TINY.

you know, i should be putting this on MY blog:

TroubleHelix said...

Oh my God, Stalkers!
If you really want to give him your panties you don’t have to look up their residences. You can send a package c/o to their team offices.
My friend Sheri did it. Oh Sheri, you’ll never get their love that way…