He's got no back, but he's still frontin'...
Former Giants cornerback Will Peterson, who hasn't played in more than a year due to his FUBAR back, signed a one-year veteran's minimum contract with the Iggles yesterday. The hard-luck Peterson also announced he was changing his name to "Will James." Thanks to Albert "Joey" Belle, I can't help but feel a little cynical when athletes change their names in order to turn over a new leaf. And if you were going to pick out a new name, why would you go with something as pedestrian as 'Will James'? Max Power sounds waaaaaay cooler.
In the era of free agency and the salary cap, it's all that my booze-addled mind can do to remember one name for these guys. There should be a law limiting name changes to (in descending order of their contributions to society) porn stars, pro wrestlers, rappers and sports bloggers.
My petty bitchiness notwithstanding, the buzz is that Will James nee Peterson struggled mightily with selecting a new moniker. Thanks to our top-notch research staff, we were able to find a partial list of names that the newly-christened Mr. James rejected.
Suri Peterson
Will Houshmandzadeh
Will Boutros-Boutros Ghali
Will Leitch
Will Heactuallymakeaninterceptionthisseason
Bison Dele
The Black Mark Foley
Apron Boobsface
Karl Hungus
Lucious Left-Foot
Chump Bailey
As always, I welcome more pathetic attempts at comedy in the comments.
23 comments:
Does Will have a brother named Henry who is also changing his name?
William J. Fong
Celestia
Quaid
George Peterson, Chicago police
J. Peterman
Hooty McBoob.
Dos Quatro
or
HE HATE MEadowlands
Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf
Billy Sehorn
Willie Loman
Alice Bowie
Willie Produce
Willie Makeit
Will Peterslong
Peters Willielong
Englebert Humperdink
ow, that hurt my brain.
Willis Drummond
The Fresh Prince
IveFallenAndCantGetUp
and
Pedro
Sir William McCoverWrongReceiver, The Third
Izzy Gaye
Dixon Cider
Philip Erbachs
Mike Oxfat
Joe Theesman
Willie Giveoneupalltheway.
Who was he for halloween?
Will U. Respectmeinthemorning
let's all just chip in now and send burma jones to a therapist
"Not that Will Allen, or that Will Allen, yeah that" Will Allen
Joseliohansonscock Peterson
FubarBack Peterson
Trey Junkin
Tra Thomas, since apparently isn't good enough for some in the NFC East.
Richard Fitzwell
Heywood Gablomie
Props on Hootie McBoob. I've always liked Chesti LaRue myself.
Tell me you didnt snicker a little reading those out loud...
One summer in college, my coworkers and I signed those (and more) names on the time sheets for the State temp job we had. In 4 months, no one batted an eye or ever said a word.
God, I hope they got audited.
Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili was his original choice (Stalin)
The two months I spent telemarketing, I would introduce myself as Slim Shady when I was selling the Detroit Free Press.
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