Wednesday, November 1, 2006

He's got no back, but he's still frontin'...

Former Giants cornerback Will Peterson, who hasn't played in more than a year due to his FUBAR back, signed a one-year veteran's minimum contract with the Iggles yesterday. The hard-luck Peterson also announced he was changing his name to "Will James." Thanks to Albert "Joey" Belle, I can't help but feel a little cynical when athletes change their names in order to turn over a new leaf. And if you were going to pick out a new name, why would you go with something as pedestrian as 'Will James'? Max Power sounds waaaaaay cooler.

In the era of free agency and the salary cap, it's all that my booze-addled mind can do to remember one name for these guys. There should be a law limiting name changes to (in descending order of their contributions to society) porn stars, pro wrestlers, rappers and sports bloggers.

My petty bitchiness notwithstanding, the buzz is that Will James nee Peterson struggled mightily with selecting a new moniker. Thanks to our top-notch research staff, we were able to find a partial list of names that the newly-christened Mr. James rejected.

Scott Peterson

Suri Peterson

Will Houshmandzadeh

Will Boutros-Boutros Ghali

Will Leitch

Will Heactuallymakeaninterceptionthisseason

Bison Dele

The Black Mark Foley

Apron Boobsface

Karl Hungus

Lucious Left-Foot

Chump Bailey

As always, I welcome more pathetic attempts at comedy in the comments.


Raskolnikov said...

Does Will have a brother named Henry who is also changing his name?

Big Daddy Drew said...

William J. Fong

Suss said...

J. Peterman

Otto Man said...

Hooty McBoob.

Mayor McRib said...

Dos Quatro
HE HATE MEadowlands

Unsilent Majority said...

Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf

Trader Rick said...

Billy Sehorn

Unknown said...

Willie Loman

Vee said...

Alice Bowie

gone said...

Willie Produce
Willie Makeit
Will Peterslong
Peters Willielong
Englebert Humperdink

ow, that hurt my brain.

Unknown said...

Willis Drummond
The Fresh Prince



Unsilent Majority said...

let's all just chip in now and send burma jones to a therapist

Mike said...

Richard Fitzwell
Heywood Gablomie

Props on Hootie McBoob. I've always liked Chesti LaRue myself.

Mike Terrill said...

The two months I spent telemarketing, I would introduce myself as Slim Shady when I was selling the Detroit Free Press.