Thursday, April 10, 2008

Kill Kill Kill Championship: Bear vs. Bengal. WHO YA GOT?

At long last, your Kill Kill Kill Tournament comes down to a sadistic zookeeper's dream: Bengal versus Bear. Naturally, we'd be more than content than have the little ones have it out for our love. Take it away, tykes.



Rather, this will be settled in the arena of cereal, the last redoubt of bored slackers like us the world 'round. WHO YA GOT?


Bear
Pro:

- Worthy of extensive history of iconography
-Again, the Godless Killing Machine thing
- Judging from picture, clearly 'roiding
- Dutifully pays the bear tax

Con:
-No cereal makes your pee smell more than Golden Crisp.
-Get too many and it's like "A freaking country bear jamberoo"
-Weakness for honey pot
-Often confused for Logan Mankins




Tiger
Pro:

-Employs Tiger Style



-Exxon Tiger is bleeding me dry
-Tiger Uppercut most vicious, also fun to say
-Apparently has a boat (SO THAT'S WHY HE BEAT DOLPHIN!)
-Inspired excellent William Blake poem
-Less flamboyantly gay than Tigger


Con:
-Frosted Flakes soggy after negative two seconds in milk.
-Also cutting back on sugar to appear healthy. Fuck you. Back to Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs for me.
- Fearful symmetry too symmetrical
-Inspired annoying Comcast commercial

43 comments:

Upstate Underdog said...

Buy corn flakes and pour your own sugar on them. lack of sugar on flakes problem solved. voting bear.

SlideShow Bob said...

plus the Tiger is a hell of a golfer.

Im going with Tigers for obvious reasons, THEIR GREAT!

Pemulis said...

voting bengal because i dont even know why anymore

swejk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Captain Caveman said...

Goddammit I loved 36 Chambers.

/votes Bengal

Adam said...

Way to ghey up a death match championship.

lieutenant winslow said...

i think bengals have proven themselves to be well versed in the art of assault & battery.

naptown drew said...

@caveman

Yup. Gotta go Tiger because every time I hear that song I get hyped through the fucking roof. It can be all so simple, then.

/protects neck

Christmas Ape said...

Adam:

The whole tournament has been pretty gay to this point.

dick_gozinia said...

Bear for the win!!!

/dick came blowing and blew off ya headphones...

matt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
matt said...

Being from the Isle of Shaolin, I must vote tiger. Are they fighting in the gravel pit?

TurleyGirlie said...

That could have been the most pussified "fight" I have ever seen.

I'm voting for the chick with the camera.

Wooderson said...

Frosted Flakes vs. Golden Crsip? seriously this isn't even going to be close.


Tiger all the way.

El Duke said...

I've scared off a bear by throwing an empty beer can at it. Winner, Tiger. Although there's no way he beats Welkah!

naptown drew said...

@el duke

That reminds me, Tigers are not scared when you throw shit at them. During an eighth grade field trip to the zoo I discovered this when I threw M&Ms at a tiger and that tiger walked right up to the bars about eight feet away from me and roared. I could feel his breath he was so close. I never disrespected a tiger again.

JonRox said...

The bear has always been the symbol for Russia. A vote for bears is a vote for COMMUNISM!

Grimey said...

No cereal makes your pee smell more than Golden Crisp

Clearly you haven't tried Asparagus Krispies

The Last Unitard said...

What's that in your pants?

Oh, it's human feces.

Go Tigah.

My Insignificant Life said...

Bear vs. Tiger
Nicklaus v. Woods
Master's Week

Who is truly better?

Such KSK symmetry

/going to beat self with Driver

Man Bear Pig said...

Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.

/votes Bengal

The Lazer said...

The Rza just convinced me. It's the tiger.

Wormfather said...

The bear would decapitate that mother fucker.

No one standing alone has a chance against the mighty bear.

and @sideshow bob

it's They're Grrrreat.

Otto Man said...

/going to beat self with Driver

Donald Driver? Haven't the Packers been part of enough pain this week?

Andrew said...

Bengal would kill the Bear in about 5 minutes. After a few unsuccessful attempts on the throat, the Tiger would hit it's mark. Also, Bears are pussies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzhZBsVA8EQ

Plus, Golden Crisp Bear is wearing a gay sweater.

Zamboni said...

In the baby bear vs. baby tiger video, why do I get the impression the clip stopped just as the camera-guy and the girl with the natural-looking hair color were about to practice making babies of their own?

My Insignificant Life said...

oh yea, my vote went for

Da' Bear(s)

El Duke said...

@naptown drew
Exactly. You don't fuck with a tiger. I don't see how anybody could vote for the bear with that kind of logic.

God, how do I reeach these keeeds?

Naved said...

Bear wins because TV (Discovery Channel) said so:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=oLwmUbRY8Mk

Francois Leroux Speedskater said...

@el duke

Maybe the bear just gets confused when you throw it a beer can...thinks you want it to join the party.


A vote for the bear is a vote for the Rex Cannon. I'll go with the bear.

Grimey said...

That bear in the video totally should've went for an armbar

Animal Mother said...

Damn it all to hell! I was going to fuck with Wu Tang today, but now I find out I shouldn't?

Now who am I going to fuck with? Maybe the new admin down the hall. The one with the big cans.

Tiger, because it's the only way the Bengals will ever win anything.

J said...

ape, you mean to tell me that there's not a whole ocean of oil under your feet that no one but you can get to?

/DRAINAGEEEEEEE

monkey fracas jr. said...

bear > man throwing sticks from elephant. but still, tiger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jojNzvtP6LY

smurphette said...

Seriously, how the hell is the tiger not winning?!

More baby animal brawl videos please. I like killkillkill as much as the next commenter, but holy crap, did you see the paws on the baby tiger? *sigh*

Dickens Cider said...

UghI hate that Comcast commercial with a passion,actually all Comcast commercials are pretty fucking bad. That being said...FUCK YOU BENGAL!

El Duke said...

You mean that one musical number commercial they do doesn't make you want to jump up and immediatly switch to Comcast Digital Voice?

dick_gozinia said...

The bear in that video clearly cannot pass the tiger's guard. Tiger has superior ground game.

Tiger with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu > Regular Bear


/got burnt once but that was only gonorrhea

J.L. White said...

As goes ODB, so goes JLW. Tiger Triumphs.

/Everything around me ruled by cash

My Insignificant Life said...

ESPN is predicting, based on exit polling, that The Bear will win the Kill Kill Kill Championship.

Note that this is not scientific research, just someone standing outside some bar asking people walking by.

Now, back to our regular programming.

Jackin'4Beats said...

Tiger style ain't nuthin' ta fuck with.

I get hyped cause I'm amped.

make it snow said...

Voted tiger. Force of habit.

betheballdanny said...

On one hand, as a Detroit Lions fan living in Chicago, I have a very difficult time voting for the Bears. On the other hand, the Bengals unfairly dethroned the Lions from the one Lions Championship I actually had a chance to see in my lifetime. I hate you guys for making me choose.