Thursday, April 10, 2008

And Now We Enter Endgame

"I've spent all my retirement equivocating at various podia"

[But Favre conceded he might have a tough decision to make if, say, Green Bay called and asked him to come back because of team injuries.

"It would be hard to pass up, I guess," he said. " . . . It's only speculating. I think the world of that team. I had a lot of fun, not only this year, but over my career. Those guys I played with this past year, a lot of young guys, a lot of fun."]


[Undisclosed location]

Tramonto: First we must agree on terms.


Peter King: Name your price.

Tramonto: $25,000 Starbucks gift card.

King: Outrageous. I won't go above 15.

Tramonto: 25

King: 15

Tramonto: 25

King: 15

Tramonto: 25

King: 15

Tramonto: 15

King: 25

Tramonto: It is a deal.

[King smiles]

King: Excellent. I need you to eliminate this one.

[Hands over photo]

[Tramonto drags on cigarette]

Tramonto: I see.

Of what interest is this man to you?

King: Yours is not to ask why, yours is to do and make him die!

[Exhales]

He is no one. His life merely is an obstacle to bringing back my Bretty Boy.

But show him mercy. Make it fast. He is, after all, a white quarterback playing for the Packers. His sin is only bestowed upon him by circumstance. Perhaps in another life, he could have been worthy of my admiration.

Tramonto: It is done.

[King laughs girlishly and begins clapping frantically]

12 comments:

Otto Man said...

Wait, why is John Holmes in a Packers jersey?

Was that photo taken on the set of How Stella Got Her Tube Packed?

Big Daddy Drew said...

Ah, Del Monte.

Enjoy them, young man. They will be... your last.

Animal Mother said...

I see you prefer the Bugs Bunny style of negotiating. Well played.

Retire already, Brett.

stealofthedraft said...

Why is Johnny Holmes playing for the Packers?

Unsilent Majority said...

I thought Starbucks gift cards only came in $100 denominations and above.

stealofthedraft said...

Damn you, otto man!

El Duke said...

Wait, Brett Favre retired? Shouldn't ESPN have mentioned this?

romolovescock said...

sweet god look at that stache

J said...

@ otto, thank you for the john holmes reference

id be willing to bet any amount of money that king actually negotiates like that in real life...

The Pirate Sloth said...

Ape, if Rodgers goes down, I'm calling you a genius.

Tyler Houston said...

You are way more talented than these losers, ape. Why hang with them? They are only holding you down. you should move on.

Babydaddy said...

I was absolutely serious when I retired from telling Favre to go fuck himself. But I've had so much fun hanging out with these other young guys, telling Favre to go fuck himself, that given the right opportunity . . .