Name: Darren McFadden
Nickname: Run DMC. Sorry Darren, but I hear that name might have already been taken by one of those hippity hop trios out of New York City
Other Nicknames: D-Mac, D-Dawg, Eric Calvi, Butter Boy, and Humanity Advanced.
Rejected Nicknames: McBabyDaddy, Big Mac, Big D, McDeezy
Parents: His mother Mini Muhammad successfully kicked her crack habit, but his father Graylon McFadden left years ago to pursue his dream of opening a bar for insufferable douchebags attending George Washington University.
Siblings: At one point growing up he had one brother in the Crips and one in the Bloods. It was just like that episode of The Brady Bunch when Peter agrees to be Bobby's slave for life, only Bobby takes advantage of the situation and pisses off Peter to the point where the boys have to divide the bedroom into territories. Yep, just like that episode.
Urine Sample: Clean like a mountain stream.
Sperm Count: 50 million per milliliter, and they all swim like Michael Phelps with flippers.
Cause for Concern: Let's just say it doesn't take his kid blowing a mini-golf match to get him in a frilly dress.
And speaking of kids, he may or may not have a few of em.
Mainstream Comparison: Purple Jesus
KSK Comparison: Travis Henry
Who Wants Him: Jerry Jones, no matter what that crazy asshole might tell you.
Who Will Take Him: The Jets, followed by a chorus of white men booing.
Immediate Impact: He'll hit the ground running.
Down the Road: His body is going to fall apart like a piece of furniture assembled by a clumsy Jew.
Previously on BKADP...