Thursday, August 23, 2007

Emergency KSK Commenter Draft: Name This Baby

Uh, hey dipshits? You gonna give me a name or what?


While we know quite a bit about Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, details about the kid are still sparse. We know it's a boy and...well, that's about it. Tom Brady, we must imagine, is surely overwhelmed with the realization that his life is now over. Yeah, being a dad is great and whatever (that's what I read, anyway), but as he watches a promising career of pure bachelorhood evaporate before his eyes, his latest acquisition now toils in this mortal neo-natal world of ours, nameless.

Sadly, our newly-papoosed prodigal passer might be mere hours from being slapped with some ridiculous Hollywood-inspired child's name like "Coco" or "Apple." Or worse, he could spend his life shouldering even something more uninspired, like "4real" or "@." Hey, @, how are you today? What's that, @? Could you repeat that, @? What's your email address, again?

We cannot let this happen. This is, after all, A Baby Of Destiny. We must rise to this occasion as voices of reason, and hope that, for all our collective efforts, one name stands above all. For this draft, you are naming this baby. You know the rules. I will go first.

Anakin Bootylicious Brady.

Pick a name. Wait ten picks. Pick another name. If you have time, mock and ridicule the ones that fuck this up. Time is a factor here. The fate of the future lies in your hands.

Go.

176 comments:

Unknown said...

Bryce Maximus Brady. What, LeBron already named his kid that?

Unknown said...

Baby Jesus Brady the Second

Tonzi said...

Superman

Christmas Ape said...

4real Brady

Big Daddy Drew said...

If you think that kid's last name will be Brady, you don't know much about baby mommas.

Tinkerbell Moynahan.

Revenge is a child best served cold.

Pagoda said...

God

Oberon said...

Valdir Bundchen Brady

Upstate Underdog said...

I went with this one over at WL due to the fact that both his parents are Irish: Potato Famine Brady.

Unknown said...

Tuck Rule Moynahan

Anonymous said...

Brad Beckham Brady...Because a jock and a actress are completely unoriginal

K-Rock said...

Weakarm McScreenpass Brady

Unknown said...

Ahura Mazda Brady

Danny G said...

Construda Moynahan Brady.

It has a nice ring to it.

Eric said...

Matt Light Moynahan. One of his five layers of protection let him down.

MoonshineMike said...

Carlos Belichik Moynahan.

Unknown said...

Peyton Manning Moynahan. I mean really, could there be any sweeter revenge?

Mike said...

Moms Meal Ticket Brady

ChadsMyGuy said...

I -Could-Be-Your-Stepmom-OR-At-Least-Would-Like-to-Have-My-Shot-at-Fucking-Your-Dad.

Too long?

Bobcat Johnson said...

Brady Quinn Brady

Dave said...

@miamidiesel

+1

Christmas Ape said...

Soda

ASmith said...

Don't Let Belichick Around My Dad's New Fling Cuz He'll Steal Her Too Brady

Anonymous said...

Eli Manning Brady...and yes diesal there is sweeter revenge

Wormfather said...

Rex Grossman Jr.

Wayne Jarvis said...

Pembroke Worthington Brady, future St. Paul's Man.

Jimbromski said...

Mr. Baby

Upstate Underdog said...

Young Dirty Bastard Moynahan-Brady

Unknown said...

Mommy's Little Jackpot

Tonzi said...

Rich Uncle Pennybags

Calvealier said...

Jizz-elle Brady

Wayne Jarvis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Syphillis Brady

Eric said...

Elmer Fudd Moynahan

Unknown said...

vanilla ice ice baby moynahan

BeaverFever said...

Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan Brady

Bobcat Johnson said...

Brady Quinn Moynahan

Wormfather said...

Feathers Moynahan

Wayne Jarvis said...

Seeking Weekday Daddy Moynahan

Josh said...

Kige Ramsey Moynahan

The Last Unitard said...

Masshole O'Douche Brady

Nickname: Sully

JewDago said...

optimus "one baby to rule them all" moynahan

Anonymous said...

Dimaggio Jeter Brady....Eat it Bostonians

Mookie said...

Mo Lewis Moynahan

The Last Unitard said...

Giselebert Brady

Pagoda said...

Rikki Tikki Tavi Moynaghan-Brady

Bobcat Johnson said...

Tomfucked Lefty Moynahan

(insert photoshop of Tom giving it to Lefty here)

Unknown said...

Osama-bin-Laden-and-Al-Qaeda-are-the-
shit Moynahan-Brady. Let's see the so-called 'Golden Boy' run for President after that one...

Group 5 said...

Fidelity 401k Moynahan.

Cause, really, isn't that kid a guarantee she'll never have to appear in Father of the Bride III, or soft-core porn?

Wormfather said...

Misplas d'Cum O'Thomas Brady

Patrick said...

Michael Marcus Brady.

Because two Vicks are better than one.

He really ought to have "Peyton" in there somewhere, though.

Dr. Russ and Dr. Reed said...

Ronald Mexico Brady, "Mex" for short

The Last Unitard said...

Already Overrated Brady

Anonymous said...

George Dubya Brady...He is popular in red states

Josh said...

Simmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan

feel free to substitute "Impregnator" if I'm being too horrific.

Unknown said...

Tom Is-my-baby-daddy Brady-Moynahan

JewDago said...

pussy shrapnel moynahan

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Paddy O'Goaliepulling Koolaid Moynahan.

Maroney will be the godfather, obvi.

The Last Unitard said...

Ropecock Lasso Brady

Dr. Russ and Dr. Reed said...

Randy Moss Brady

ASmith said...

Ropecock P. Shrapnel Brady

GoldManGold said...

Big Bossy Barbaro Brady

Anonymous said...

Most likely to be Gay Brady

Pemulis said...

Max Power

Jay said...

Fuck. I'm torn between Asante See Even My Fucking Kid Is A Better Corner Than You and I Can Has Repeat Superbowl Peyton.

Can you come back to me?

Josh Drimmer said...

name it after one of mom's hit movies:

I, Brady Moynahan

Wormfather said...

Peter K. "The Sports Baby" Brady.

MyBoysAreMyLife said...

James Dungy Moynahan.

/ducks

JewDago said...

as per WWTDD, "you might as well have gotten John Wayne to have a baby with the Statue of Liberty."
John Wayne Liberty Moynahan.

Unknown said...

F. Tom Brady

El Duffo O Muerte said...

Vigo Zuul Brady-Moynahan, because I'm guessing there were some crossed streams in mommy's honey pot at the time of conception.

Oh, This is for the Rapture said...

Victoriassecretsucks Moynahan

Dr. Russ and Dr. Reed said...

Shoodabin Aborted Brady

Unknown said...

like I said on withleather...

"Steve Smith"

Anonymous said...

Leonidas Moynahan

Mortimer Duke said...

My name is Inigo Montoya Moynahan. You knocked up my mother. Prepare to die.

My Insignificant Life said...

A Baa Boded Morning Myth Try

Had to use their names to form a new name. Not sure what it means, but who cares, the kid needs a name!!!!! It can't be called 'it'. 'hey you' 'oh shit, she said she was on the pill' - or maybe they can??

ok, lot of picks, but I am in a meeting for the rest of the day, thus tossing them all in now.

naptown drew said...

Ropecock Begone Brady

SMP said...

Powerbottom Brady

Wayne Jarvis said...

Joey Joe Joe Junior Shababrady

MyBoysAreMyLife said...

Woody Hayes Moynahan

Jay said...

Now that I think about it, "It" is sounding more and more appealing by the minute. That's my pick, It Brady.

dick_gozinia said...

I already named this kid SUPER FUCKIN' BRADY in the last post, but I'll take a stab at another one.

FROZEN ROPE BRADY

'fro for short.

Les Savy Ferd said...

bob seger

Slash said...

Thanks for not making us look at the birth pic anymore.

Unknown said...

Weak Stream Brady.

KC Resident said...

Mavulous Mavrick Tom Brady. Oh wait, that name is taken.

http://www2.ljworld.com/photos/2007/jun/03/125378/

MonkeyBoy said...

AtLeastImNotaLeinart Moynahan.

fallex said...

Mitch Cummstein

Tonzi said...

John Jacob Jingleheimer Brady. His name is my name too.

Dsanchez said...

My Dad is a DOUCHE Brady

Casual T said...

Greg?

Tuck Fexas said...

Peter King Brady

Jumpshootingfool said...

Protection Failed Brady

Five Pound Bag said...

Michael Thomas Brady...

... if she wants to get back at him Mike Brady-style

Danny G said...

Shoulda Pulled Out Brady

Wormfather said...

The Son Of The Man Who Won All Those Super Bowls Because He Had A Great Defense Not Because He Was Such A Good QB-Hell He Couldnt Even Stop His Sperm From Being Intercepted By the Egg Brady

Calvin's got a job said...

Nathan Allan Reed-Brady

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

Damn work! I wanted in on this one... oh well.

Ann Arbor Brady.

F it... he'll be able to whoop your ass like the boy named Sue AND, in 2024, he'll be starting at QB for Michigan as a freshman.

Dr. Russ and Dr. Reed said...

Andrew William Ruemenapp-Brady

Running.Boyd said...

Sunshine 3-rings Brady-Moynahan

Trader Rick said...

Tucker

whowillsexmutombo? said...

"Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."

Or "7".

Anonymous said...

Setforlife Brady-Moynihan.

Biggus Rickus said...

Seven

dick_gozinia said...

KOLBER NAMATH BRADY

Kol for short

Otto Man said...

Giselewhore Moynahan

Biggus Rickus said...

I had it first, Motumbo!

Fine, Tom Brady Jr.

Otto Man said...

"Gisele is a syphilitic whore Brady."

I really should read all the way through first, shouldn't I?

Julie said...

@ Josh

+ 1

"Simmons' Daughter's Future Date Rapist Moynahan" cracked my shit up.

Wayne Jarvis said...

I'm having sex with the cousin! SEVEN!!!!

Signal to Noise said...

@awful chief: Tucker Rule Brady, I take it?

William Lloyd Moynahan-Brady.

They'll get trendy or something and call the kid "Liam."

Wayne Jarvis said...

Lloyd Braun Brady

whowillsexmutombo? said...

"A lifetime of Oedipal issues and psychotherapy" Moynahan?

(Nickname: I wanna do my mommy and my stepmommy).

Anonymous said...

TVDaddyLovesMe Moynihan

naptown drew said...

Ted Brogan Brady

Trader Rick said...

@signal to noise:
exactly. Great opportunity for him to yell "Tucker Rules!" excessively in high school, pissing everyone off.

Anonymous said...

Genetic Lotterywinner Moyni-Brady

Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco said...

Bastard

Kurt Miller said...

Steely McDreamboat

T. White said...

Tom "Momma said she was on the pill" Brady, Jr.

El Duffo O Muerte said...

Drew Hensoncansuckamydick Brady

Taliek Brown said...

Sam Alexis Brady

Ricardo said...

Steely McBeam Brady

Chris(BessMervinGirlDetective) said...

Some of your guesses are so uninspired. I believe that Mrs. Bridgette will go with Seven Bort Brady.

Christmas Ape said...

Stitchface

Wayne Jarvis said...

Barry Barclay Brady

BeaverFever said...

Nice call Ape.

Justin Floyd said...

Koolaid Chowder Brady

Bucktown Skins Fan said...

Bo Schembechler Brady

His nickname will be RIP.

Unknown said...

Stinky Weaselteeth Moynahan

dick_gozinia said...

@ christmas ape - stellar performance, sir.

I'm going with:

ROETHLISHBERGER SUCKS BRADY

Maybe Roth or 'Berg for short...

El Duffo O Muerte said...

@justin
It's Chowdah Brady! Frenchie! Now come back here, I'm not through demeaning you.

Oh, This is for the Rapture said...

I Wanna DO My Stepmom Moynaham

If not Giselle the future mrs. brady will be in that range.

Citizen 10Cane said...

Favre Brady.

NFL commenters couldn't even say that name without busting a nut.

My Insignificant Life said...

Oliver

The dopey looking kid none of the other Brady's wanted who soon sunk into the abyss of total TV F'ups never to be seen again.

wv - tobchily (Oliver's middle name)

and I left my meeting because I said I am on a mission to name this kid.

Wormfather said...

In other news, on a completly unrelated topic, my friend Bom Tredy wants to know how do you make a death look like SIDS?

Vipul Sahai said...

Marsh

Pagoda said...

Dis Respect Brady-Moynahan

Wormfather said...

...it is at this moment that I realize that we've all be duped. They got to kill a whole day with 1.5 posts. We got played.

gone said...

Parting Gift Moynahan

Can be shortened so the kid is known as PG.

Metz said...

Adam Vinatieri Brady - give a little credit to the man who won Tom Terrific's Super Bowls for him.

fallex said...

I call the big one "Bitey."

fallex said...

Hercules Rockefeller Brady

vitustinnitus said...

urhines kendall icy eight special k moynahan

http://www.newbabynews.net/hospitals/stf33/public/stf33birthannouncement.pl?babyID=h33-440

Unknown said...

Wash U. S. Brady

dick_gozinia said...

DEF CONSTRUDA BRADY

This works so great because in addition to having the whole awesome middle name, his nickname will totally be DEF-CON.

I can't wait to have kids. Speaking of naming kids, does anybody want to look up the Louis CK bit about naming his kids and link it?

Jay said...

Milhouse Brady.

The poor kid's going to grow up to be repressed, gay and a repressed gay.

Wormfather said...

@Jay

Well that's why Milhouse takes Represitol.

Joel le Basket said...

Felch

Group 5 said...

+1 to Bryan for a strong late entry.

My next entry- Thor Moynahan, cause he will bring the fucking thunder, bitches.

Ross said...

Cumslinger Xpress Brady

Anonymous said...

"Son, I named you Drew because -- YOU'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS YOUR DADDY.

"Gotta run -- me and Gisele are heading back to my place; that Vietnamese spin-fuck chair isn't going to use itself.

"Oh, and tell Mommy I left her check in the kitchen. And, uh, 'hello' too, I guess."

Wormfather said...

+1 Chamomiles, +1

Unknown said...

He was big and bent and gray and old

And I looked at him and my blood ran cold

And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do! Now your gonna die!!"

Adam said...

moon unit brady

Charlie Green said...

Abs McLovin Moynahan

jackin'4beats said...

Pootie Tang Brady

5150cd said...

Overrated Fag Brady Jr.

Yes, I am childish.

J said...

Randall William Belichick Brady Moynahan III

ben said...

Lawyer Le Kevin Donte' Moynahan

OofTheQuick said...

Derek Lachey Moynahan

Brandon Jacobs Gut said...

fuck lion brady

The Hater said...

President Dwayne Hector Mountain Dew Elizondo Camacho Brady-Moynahan. Of course.

Jay said...

Marty DiBrady if he's got any sense.

Otto Man said...

Plaxico D'Brickashaw Laveranues Moynahan.

Zac said...

Accidental Brady

Anonymous said...

Oedipus Rex Grossman Brady.

Unknown said...

Marcia Brady

Anonymous said...

Because Brady is, if nothing else, an avid blog commenter...

First PWN3D!!!1! Fixed Brady

(or +1 for short.)

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I know I'm doing this out of turn, and I do apologize, but I want to add another one right now....

I-am-a-loser-who-nobody-likes-with-a-picture-of-a-gay-quarterback-in-my-avatar Brady.

Yes, catchy, I know.

D. Zastrous said...

"Douche McCalister"

Unknown said...

lets make fetus fajitas outa this baby!

name the kid Bacon Brady...maybe then i might like the tom brady.....not really

Ryan said...

Harry Potter Brady

bleedjetgreen said...

the anti-christ

Mr. F. Magoo said...

Koolaid Construda McBrady

Lou Pickney said...

Brady Brady Brady