This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Vehicle You Would Want For a High Speed Chase
I’m buying a car this weekend. WOO HOO! Oh yeah, bitch. I’m buying me the sexiest car on the market. I’m buying a car that’ll make panties drop the second it comes within eyeshot. It’s the kind of car that makes catcalls actually effective. This is the kind of car that elevates me to a greater status of human being, richer and sexier than the rest of you commoners. And that car, of course, is…
The Honda CRV. Oooh, baby. Don’t act like you aren’t jealous. This 4-cylinder honey can accommodate not one, but TWO baby seats. And it’s got a cassette deck. Is that Glacier Blue blinding your eyes? Why, yes it is. Advantage: Drew.
Anyway, in celebration of the biggest check I will ever write until my kid chooses an expensive college over a better state school, it’s time for vehicle draft. You’re in a high speed chase! The 5.0 be hot on yo tail! You need a vehicle that’s fast, with a dexterity of at least 17 or higher. The rules: Pick one vehicle. It can be any vehicle, real or imaginary. Let us also assume you have the money necessary to maintain it, or even trick it out. Once you pick a vehicle, wait 10 picks until you select another.
My pick. You know it…
In case you forgot, the Millenium Falcon did the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Don’t know what a parsec is? Well then, fuck you. It’s fast. It can outrun Imperial starships. Not local bulk-cruisers, mind you. I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. Bitchin. Although I never understood why Han Solo’s ride was the only ship in the galaxy that could jump into hyperspace. Whatever. It’s mine. You ain’t catchin’ me, baby!
271 comments:
the back to the future delorean
the ability to time travel, no way the cops can catch me.
fine, then i take the starship enterprise.
warp speed, mr. sulu.
I see your Honda CRV and raise you my new Hyundai Sante Fe...
For the draft, since you took the space ships, I'll take an actual car.
Shelby Cobra - original.
And that's it, I just won
I'll take Spaceballs One and kick all of your monkey asses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB7tc9pVvYg
This draft has quickly gone from suck to blow.
Barbaro
Giddy-up!
Spectre from Twisted Metal 2.
Fast and deadly!
Ducati ST3.
My mom just bought a CR-V and it is nice. I'm not breaking your balls BDD, after we have our second kid I'll be buying a mini-van.
I'll take the Rhino (army tank) from GTA.
Street Hawk
because K.I.T.T. just doesn't corner well enough.
Lance Armstrong's bike, if it comes complete with his drugs.
I'll take the Intimidator...#3
race in peace dale...race in peace
I'll take Optimus Prime
Speed is overrated. I'm not even much of a Star Wars fan, but I'll take the Death Star. It's the Hummer of the future!
Audi A6
Vulcan Bird of Prey
I got Cloaking technology mahfakhas!
damnit all
i take jesus. fuck you all.
I take the Serenity from the TV show Firefly. Fast, and it comes with a hooker on board. Space is big and empty, ya know?
Scarlett Johanson
Can't believe I'm about to type this but:
Damn you mrubio, you stole my pick of the cloaking ship.
So I'll take the wierd ship from Star Trek 4 that looked like a long piece of shit but shut down anything near it...
The Pope mobile
Superman
pee wee herman's bike
Chris Reeve's wheel chair... after he's had about 10 fetus (feti?)
damn you UM...
I take the Batmobile, from the '89 version of Batman. Voice controlled, rockets, and an at her prime Kim Bassinger.
That fucking spaceship from Flight of the Navigator
I'll take the Starship Voyager as it comes with Seven of Nine's boobs.
a 1993 white ford bronco owned by al cowlings.
The Bluesmobile.
Police auction. They were practically givin' 'em away!
I'll take (to no one in particular) YO MOMMA.
I'll ride that bitch all the way to the bank.
TY, TY.
K.I.T. from Knight Rider.
Nothing like riding around with a whiny, nasally, douchebag-like car that keeps admonishing you.
Michael, you're driving too fast."
"Michael, put on your seatbelt."
"Michael, you forgot to put a condom on again(while plowing chicks in the backseat afterhours)."
John Connors dirtbike from Terminator 2, mainly so I can jam to 'You could be mine' while being chased by a garbage truck.
Stair Car from Arrested Development..... but you gotta watch out for the hop-ons, you will get hop-ons.
damn, Richard stole my second pick...
at the risk of sounding like a trekkie,
The Borg Cube.
Common capabilities of cubes include high warp (transwarp) capabilities, self-regeneration and multiple redundant systems, rapid adaptability to almost every seen assault, and various beam (tractor beams and cutting beams) and missile weapons.
piggy back ride from Erin Esurance
The General Lee: The 1969 Dodge Charger that Dukes of Hazzard used. That shit always got them away from the cops.
The Sooooooultrain!
2006 Aston Martin DBS from Casino Royale. Fucking sweet.
a '95 black Ford Mustang 6 cylinder with a stick shift.
Doesn't sound that hot? well then imagine crusing it by the high school during field hockey practice with the windows down the mortal kombat theme song blasting. yeah, now we're talkin.
It's got a cop motor; a 440 cubic inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's the model before catalytic converters so she runs good on regular gasoline.
the car from starsky and hutch
Bratmobile. Those riot grrls would be my ticket to freedom.
a 2007 Porsche 911 Turbo...
with Tom Brady's girlfriend in the passenger seat...
naked...
(FTW!)
Damn you Drew, in the time it took me to find this, you stole it from me...
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup.
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette]
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.
I'll take Bullit's 'stang
@BDD, It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas.
a fucking harrier jet. it can take off vertically, bitches.
mr. furious, I like your style and great call on the Mustang from the greatest car chase in movie history.
Roman Abramovich's yacht complete with heli-pad for on-shore continuation.
http://www.roman-abramovich.com/pelorus-yacht-pictures-roman-abramovich.htm
I'll take Michael Scott's Convertable Chrysler Labaron...
there's only one labaron Freddy and I'm the #1 son
Hunter S. Thompson's Great Red Shark. Fast as hell and all kinds of 'perks' in the trunk.
Buckaroo Banzai's Jetcar!!!
I can drive through solid matter bitches!!! MUAHAHAHA!
Hoverbike from Return of the Jedi. But I'd have the good sense to to race it through a goddamn forest.
1968 Ford Mustang G.T.390 Fastback
Steve McQueen drove it in Bullet.
Canyonero! Smells like a steak and it seats 35...
Al Cowlings white Ford Bronco with Cowlings as driver.
Micheal Vick wishes he had friends like that.
@JAMMQ Nice pick
@MRubio52 Fuck you, you took my second pick!
Now I've got to go thinking outside the box and shit.
Hmmmm, Outside the box
I'll take the Penis Car from the Ambiguously Gay Duo...no better way to tell chicks "I've got/am a big dick"
the ambiguosly gay duo's penis car
69 GTO Judge, orange never looked so good.
http://www.gtoalley.com/69judge.html
The blown 68 GTO in My Science Project would be cool too
@jammq -- bronco was already gone.
please try again.
So the "bratmobile" has been taken but not the Batmobile?
Well then I'm going with the motherfucking Batmobile.
@Pemulis that's gotta sting, you missed it by 5 seconds.
Ned Flanders mobile home.
Also BDD my wife and I are getting one this weekend as well. All though I think we are leaning towards green tea metallic. I will race you to Kroger later for baby formula.
One of those dancing horses--Friesians
OLE!
@wormfather
Yes! Just, yes!
Unit 91
Unit 91 come in 91 unit 91 come in 91... do you need my assistance
a giant stone john wilkes booth.
@ wormfather... gay minds think alike?
Airwolf, as long as I could hire Ernest Borgnine as my mechanic.
Fucking jewdagos take everything . . .
I will take the Batwing....Unstoppable...unless you have a really long 6 shooter
The Phone Booth from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
How about the Mystery Machine?
If that's not available, the Harlem Globetrotters tour bus.
@pemulis, no, I just needed to actually wiki the duo to find out the name of the car...felt like an idiot when I saw that it was the "penis car"
The van from the A-Team.
That thing was stacked with tons o' guns, and it had that cool red stripe on it.
Now increasing my ever-apparent geekiness:
The Heart of Gold (from Douglas Adams' Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy).
Three words: Infinite. Improbability. Drive.
racecar bed
The Plow King Truck, I figured I needed to get a Simpsons vehicle reference in somewhere.
Lotus Esprit from "The Spy Who Loved Me" that turns into a submarine. You can't go wrong with any car from a James Bond movie.
gorilla, you can't really chase anybody in a conveyance that randomly selects its destination
a la Kurt Van Houten, UM?
The Jaguar from Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" video, Tawny Kitaen included. Not for anything purient, but she would probably attract the attention of the police and I could escape while the officers try to subdue her. Good luck!
http://www.hammacher.com/publish/73604.asp?promo=new_items
UM-true, but if I'm the one being chased...
Maurice Clarett's SUV fully fucking stocked with an AK, "Hi-Point" pistol and open fifth of the goose
bitches
the x-wing. can't believe it lasted this fucking long.
I will take the Warthog from Halo....because I am a loser
damn, calvin. great pick.
Since twelve people have already claimed the Mustang from "Bullitt," I guess I have to go with the Aston Martin from "Goldfinger."
It has a little less oomph under the hood, but the twin machine guns sort of make up for that.
Otto Man, if you wanted oomph under the hood you would have gone with the Aston Martin V12 Vanquish from the shitty Bond film Die Another Day.
The movie sucked but I'll take invisibility, a V-12, and some auto-targeting machineguns. Plus those bad-ass tires with retractable spikes.
Audi S8
One mean bastard of Teutonic engineering. And what Jean Reno recommended in the movie Ronin
The G-6155 Interceptor from Spy Hunter. Oil slicks aplenty. And yes, I looked that shit up.
Naptown, Batmobile was taken early, no way it was still on the board.
My next pick is Car RamRod. I am acquiring quite the arsenal of comedy cars.
I'm taking Lawrence Maroney's "Koolmobile".
http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/search/label/koolaid%20maroney
@ John....
technically thats the same as my 2nd 3rd pick unit 91...just different people inside it... but i'll allow it cause the movie is that good
The Z8 from The World is Not Enough. It's got it's own arsenal and a remote control beeyatch.
F22 Raptor
Fuck you all
I'll take the Russian cab for "The Bourne Supremacy". Apparently, Russian cabs are fucking indestrcutible.
You know those guitars that are like double-guitars?
spy hunter.
Oil slicks. Check.
Smokescreen. Check
Peter Gunn Theme. Checkmate.
Mad Max's black V8 Interceptor.
Hell, any of the fucking crazy-ass shit he drove. As long as I've got the sawed-off and the dog, I'm goood.
@beaverfever
You ain't see nothing until you see a pissed off woman doing 90 in a minivan with her head turned around screaming at her kids. I've experienced that firsthand. Be afraid my friend be very afraid.
Can I borrow a feeling?
I'm going with Blue Thunder, TV version---who cares about the guns when you have Bubba Smith and Dick Butkus in the cockpit?
@fallex - i just took spy hunter.
@John John
Upon further review, my selection of the generalized Batmobile has been ruled a duplicate.
Therefore, I choose the Batmobile from Batman Begins.
I can't believe I've just spent this much time of my adult life researching Batmobiles. If my past self met my present self he would punch me straight in the teeth and steal my wallet and girlfriend.
I'll take a The B-2 Spirit, or stealth bomber, - by the time you realize I was there, I'm gone and you'd be glue your ass back together.
Power plant: four General Electric F118-GE-100 engines Speed and flight range: high-subsonic speeds and long flight range
Armaments: nuclear and conventional, including gravity bombs and maritime weapons
Stealthy design: low-observability characteristics to avoid radar detection
I will rule the world!
Calvin, I was racking my brain to remember whether it was the same car, I will defer the pick to you. As a substitute I pick the white Miata from the opening scene. "WOOOOOOOOOOOO, You boys like MEX-EE-CO?"
Still very excited with my staircar pick even though I went too early with it.
I will take Cole Trickles ride from Days of Thunder and by ride I mean Nicole Kidman
Knight Boat.
"They're getting away in a car!"
"Oh look, a peninsula!"
naptown- That's the Tumbler...I kinda like that name better than "Batmobile", but that's just me.
batkkake
http://www.slashfilm.com/2007/08/16/the-dark-knight-18-new-photos/
The car from Spy Hunter, with smoke screen and oil slick already included... plus, directions to the boathouse.
The flame painted gremlin from wayne's world
@ John... I love the staircar pick...
and to follow it up I will take Gob's Segway
USS Defiant
...small, fast as hell, bad ass arsenal.
Yes, I'm a geek.
The cheetah from Harold & Kumar.
The U.S.S. Defiant. The only one of its kind, heavily armed, cloaking technology and Hawk at the helm.
Drew, you want indestructible? How about a big-ass Kenworth tow truck—cars, bridge walls, shopping carts? No problem....
Me, I'll ride along on the Harley as piloted by a sawed-off wielding T-800. I win in the end.
A Dodge Stratus.
fucking hell.
The car from Spyhunter was taken about 4 times already.
I can't believe it's still available, but I will take The Homer. It has 10 cup-holders and plays La Cucaracha. Game over bitches.
shoop- LOVE it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
@s - taken. try control-F. sorry, i'm just defensive about spy hunter. although it is sort of a shitty car for a chase, because it never ends...
Laserbike from Tron.
Oh, forgot the link. Terminator 2 chase
j_brock: You mean..."Canyonero!!!"
DAMN YOU, Undead Zombie.
As a replacement, I'll take the automated plane from Stealth.
What's that? Do I watch too many crappy movies? Why, yes. Yes, I do.
El duffo: I thought it was a canal, not a peninsula.
"There's a canal every week."
I'll take AirForce One... Only if Harry Ford comes with it...
Get off my plane
@Mr. Furious
Fuck the Canyonero. The F series has a built in lipstick holder.
The Homer has a bubble dome, 3 horns and an 8 track player.
from the futurama episode "roswell that ends well," i'll take the professor's flying lay-z-boy with twin lasers.
I'll take the dumptruck Axel Foley and the gang chase down Maxwell Dent's goons on the way to the Playboy Mansion in Beverly Hills Cop II
buckaroo bonzai's jet car.. motherfucker has an oscillation overthruster!!
Didn't know what geek ride to pick this time so I'm going with Robotech's VF-1
Timmy's time traveling wheelchair.
pemulis- sorry, I already staked my nerd factor by taking the Jetcar with my no. 1
Airwolf, the ass-kickinest helicopter ever to be seen on network tv.
It comes stocked with missles and Jan Michael Vincent's massive coke stash.
Also, Ernest Borgnine is there, for comedy relief.
Yes, I am old. Fuck you.
Since the Cheetah has been taken...I will take Harold's car from Harold and Kumar. As long as Dookie Howsers love stains come with it.
the Pontiac from the French Connection. I guess I could take the elevated train instead, but I'll stick to Popeye's ride.
I would take Jazz from the new Transformers movie but then I would have to watch BET all the time.
I'll go with Barricade (the police car) since he was more up my alley.
"To Punish and Enslave."
@ gorilla: goddmnit. excellent pick though. even excellenter movie
One of Jay Leno's bikes. Custom made with a Jet engine. You heard me right a JET ENGINE.
WV, mcokd - I'm not right now, but I would like to be soon.
It's not my first option, considering I'm weighing in now, with 120-plus picks gone. But I'm going back to my childhood roots, and picking...
The Coyote, straight out of the cheeseball early 80s show "Hardcastle and McCormick."
http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/coyote/site_coyote/site_coyote.htm
Come on, you know you're just jealous because you didn't think of it. Perms are optional, but encouraged.
@devang, thanks for the warning
@undead zombie. i'll take jazz then...
What's crackin lil bitches?
I'll take the Cobra Mark III from Elite. And I have an escape pod in case I can't outrun those Vipers.
Unitard, don't apologize. I used to love that show.... when I was 5.
Battle Cat.
I already look like He-Man so why not have an ass kicking tiger?
I will take the one, the only, 1991 White, with slight rust and a Petoskey Tennis sticker on the back left window, Chevrolet Lumina
Kawasaki cop bike from "CHiPs"
Doesn't matter if I'm any good on a bike, since everybody else on the road is forced to go 20mph.
And you can't touch my fucking soundtrack.
The "car" from the Jetsons.
@devang:
On that note, I'm taking Leno's hot rod/rat rod powered by a fucking tank engine. V-12, 1000hp, weighs a ton by itself. Outrun or run over anything.
Falkor the flying dog/dragon from Neverending stroy
I take the bus from speed.
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
I love it, jargonbear.
"RRREEEOOOOOWWWWWW, Let's get 'em He-Man!"
It's just like Speed 2. But on a bus instead of a a boat.
@ Dr. Mexico... Thank you... that car had more cum stains in the back seat than the Sex Cannon's "lucky" boxers
I will be taking Marty McFly's Hoover board, because we all know his parkinsonsed ass can't stay on it anymore
screw the speed, power, etc.....I think I'll take the.....
SOUL TRAIN with Don Cornelius as my conductor - man we'd have the chicks piled on board bumping and grinding - now that's a vehicle I can ride!!!!!
@ calvin: you bojo, hoverboards dont work on water... UNLESS YOUVE GOT POWAH!!!!!!
has anyone taken doc's time travelling train from back to the future 3 yet?
Joe Dirt's Hemi from the end of the movie, and his sister Jamie Pressley....related or not...I am still sticking it
i'll take unicron. dude can eat planets.
The soul train has been taken at least twice.
Ghost Rider's Chopper
Fuck all of you.
The fucking Phoenix.
Rockets, blasters, VTOL, comes with it's own buggy, race car, jet fighter, motorcyle and of course there's always "Trans-mute!" FIERY PHOENIX!
Not to mention, Princess.
Snake's Lil' Bandit!
She needs premium, dude!
And if you can figure out the word scramble, you get some free Afro Sheen out of it.
The Goblin Glider.
Steve McQueen's bike from the end of The Great Escape.
(escaping Nazi Prison Camps only)
The taxi from the Fifth Element. Complete with Bruce Willis to drive me around.
And, good job flying the geek flags today.
I will take the elaborate yet awesome stage that is transported by thousands of slaves that Xerxes was transported in in the movie 300. I would also have as many slave women as possible on my stage so that I could shoot a sex cannon load all over the dead soldiers lying on the battle field.
I can't believe it slid-
I take Voltron. All 5, cause sometimes I like to ride in the Green Lion.
Smello with the multipass!
Can i take La Amistad and a lot of chains and anchors...
eeeee (pulls collar out)
How about this beast
The SUV that follows the presidential motorcade, complete with pop-upM134 minigun. It fires 7.62mm bullets at a rate of about 4,000 rounds per minute.
I will take one of those crazy ass elephants from Lord of the Rings...Fuck you Legolas...you aint killin my elephant
one of the giant steel balls from the american gladiators event "atlasphere."
I'll Stuntman Mike's car from Death Proof. I cannot believe that I have been making stupid jokes and references when the real bad-ass car has been here all along.
Late to the draft but I choose the "marijuana van" from Up in Smoke. But Im stealing Cheech's MUF DVR license plate off his junker from the beginning of the movie.......man.
Wonder Woman's invisible jet. I would fly pantless and give the world a view of my smooshed up fruit bowl.
Give me Tommy Lee Jones' black POS Ford from Men in Black.
That car was on the roof of the Lincoln Tunnel....now that's service!
The Vikings Sex Boat.
None of this shit beats my 2000 Toyota Echo with manual windows. Yes, that's right, mother-fuckers. MANUAL windows. Nothings says "cool shit" like dislocating an elbow just to order from a clown's mouth.
@Ben
Damn you. Damn you to hell.
Alright then, I'll take the Love Machine from Up in Smoke. Comes with a giant dog-shit joint.
Space Shuttle Endeavour.
Ha! John John beat me to it so I'm going old school---the Peterbilt from Spielberg's Duel.
A magic carpet. With Princess Jasmine riding shotgun.
Score.
canyonero. unexplained fires are a matter for the courts
Hagrid's (formerly Siris Black's) flying motorcycle; with sidecar.
To recap. Off the Board (multiple times):
Canyonero
Spy Hunter
Every Fucking Spaceship known to man woman and dork
I'll take a KTM 950 Adventure. The ultimate motorcycle- won the Paris Dakar rally, and can go anywhere.
Cops chasing you on the road? Cut through the fucking desert and see if they can follow.
Oh fallex, you are just so wrong about the spaceships. There are plenty more to be named. Don't you worry.
@smello. Ok, just man and woman then.
I'll take the flying gullwing Camaro from MASK (that's Mobile Armored Strike Kommand, not Eric Stoltz and Cher).
The ambulance from "Mother, Jugs and Speed"
Eight fucking headlights, and Racquel Welch.
the super-future tank from "aliens." if it can crush a xenomorph, it's good enough for me.
The motorcycle from the trailer for Machete in Grindhouse.
I think I'm done for a bit see you later. To recap
1. the 1995 Audi a6 I bought at police auction.
2. Stair Car (Arrested Development)
3. White Miata (Super Troopers)
4. Timmy's Time-Traveling Wheelchair (South Park)
5. Stuntman Mike's car (Deathproof)
6. Motorcycle with Gattling Gun (Machete Trailer in Death Proof)
Correction the Machete trailer played in between the movies or before Planet Terror.
Post a Comment