This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft: Movie Settings Where You Would Like To Go On Vacation
I’ll be on vacation next week. And frankly, it’s well deserved. You might think it’s easy to come up with all these 8th-Grade level dick jokes. Well, it is. But still, I gotta punch all these keys to write them, and that can be tiring. So it’s off to the beach with me. I’ll be packed into a house with my parents, my wife, my daughter, my sister, my sister’s husband and child, my brother, and my brother’s wife and child. We may try and squeeze in a Japanese exchange student just for the hell of it. All with no air conditioning. Should be fucking AWESOME.
Anyway, to celebrate my week off, I‘m gonna try and pull off this rather tricky draft. These are movie locales or settings where you would like to have a few days to explore on your own. A good movie, of course, takes you to a whole new gay world, one you’d like to hang around in for a week or two. So let’s give this a shot. The rules. Pick ONE film and ONE specific setting. NO PORN. This can be any movie, and any time in history. It can also be fictional. Let’s assume you have money to spend in the location. But otherwise, your access to medical care and what not is the same as any other character in the film. Now, of course, some movies have multiple settings, and some do not. But once a film has been taken, no other setting can be taken from that movie. Once you pick a place, you must wait until 10 other places have been chosen.
Boy, that’s simple! Anyway, my choice is the Castle Anthrax from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”
Eightscore young blondes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half? All of whom are in need of a good spanking? Giggity. I’ll take Zoot first, then Dingo. Should be fun.
Yours in the comments.
260 comments:
Milwaukee County Stadium / Camden Yards in Cleveland, Major Leagues I and II.
It might be my only chance to ever see my Cleveland teams win.
Big Lebowski - The Bowling alley I could easily spend a week there rolling with the Dude, and if money is not an object, I'll take up Tara Reid on her offer...
To the Cap Center, when Kyle-Lee Watson from "Above the Rim" sent the Hoyas into the Big East tournament with a last second jumper.
Jurassic Park
hfb, what part of pick ONE setting did you not understand, asshole?
Caddyshack-Bushwood Country Club...nuff said
@BDD
Well, since the movies' shoddy continuity made no acknowledgment of the facts that:
A) They weren't the same place
B) They weren't in Cleveland
I figured they counted as one.
But then, I am an asshole.
Jackie Treehorn's mansion in Malibu from the Big Lebowski.
Altamont - Gimme Shelter
The Shower Room in American History X
Gaaah, Lebowski got taken already. Nuts.
Total Recall-Mars after it got oxygen. Nice...
the Roxbury
to find out 'what is love'
The Cloud City from Empire Strikes Back. It's bathed in perpetual twilight, everyone is in shape and seemingly well off, and the women all wear gowns that look pretty easy to take off.
The scream factory from Monsters, Inc.
I already terrify children as a hobby. I'd like to try it professionally.
John Malkovich's head
The Dirt Mall from Mallrats, 3rd nipples rule
Now I'll take Naboo. Clint can hold me by the lake.
From "Attack of the Clones"
Drew, have I ever told you that you have many similar qualities to those of sand?
Toon Town, Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
I'll find hot (real) chicks later, i just want to drop an anvil on some cartoons for now.
George Jung's house in Mexico from "Blow."
Oz (the movie, not the prison)...infinite poppy fields and little people that burst into song at a moments notice would make for a hell of a time.
Paradise-"The Beach"
I wouldnt fuck it up like Leo did either. All that reefer is making my pussy wet just thinking about it.
The town in Deliverance...
And I'm bringing my banjo...
Jack Horner's house party in "Boogie Nights."
The orgy room in "Caligula". The uncut version. Heh. More wine? You betcha.
The diner from "Swingers"
"Excuse me ma'am, where do the high school girls hang out around here?"
The boys reformatory in Sleepers as a guard.... Is that gay?
gotham city, from the end of batman begins... all the most insane criminals on the loose and batman trying to stop only the craziest, you wouldnt even need a rape stand to get you lovin on!
k-rock's pick made me laugh. to copy his joke, i'll take the basement of Zed's pawn shop in Pulp Fiction.
eeny meeny minie moe...
Bridge Town, from "The Postman".
I want to live in a town where Tom Petty is the mayor.
Some vacation, sounds like no trim for you. If you're lucky, you'll excuse yourself when the family is gathered to go rub one out of frustration.
Star Wars: Return of Jedi -
Not because I'm a starwars freak but because I wanna live in an Ewok village and learn how to build one of my own when I return to Earth...
the colosseum from gladiator. women, wine and men killing each other and being eaten by animals while i can just watch. plus i get to watch joaquin phoenix's smug ass get killed.
Nerd Alert:
Hogwarts from Harry Potter. The ability to have all the magic kids entertain me and serve me seems like a good time. Plus, it's a castle. Castles are awesome.
Toulour's house on Lake Como in Ocean's 12. Julia Roberts included.
San Angeles - 2070 something....basically Demolition Man Era. I just want to make sweet sweet love to Sandra Bullock using a Sensor ring
The lesbian camp orgy in "Private Parts"
To Moon Tower, Dazed and Confused. Get drunk, Get High, Get Laid. The Emporium is a close runner up, so I could walk in to "Hurricane," but there would be more to do at the Moon Tower.
im the fat guy here i guess
Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory
Delta House in Animal House, I'll wait till Pinto passes out then give his 16yr old date what she came there looking for
Future New York City from "The Fifth Element." Hop a cab with Korben Dallas, grab a tape-wearing Milla Jovovich, get stuck in three-dimensional traffic jams... sweet.
Poker room in "Casino Royale."
A bankroll of millions of dollars, hot chicks at the bar, and a chance to make ol' bleedy eyes pay.
This is trickier than it seems, drew, because all these numbnuts keep selecting the settings for their favorite movies, regardless of whether or not you could "stay" there for a few days. You cannot take a vacation to a sports arena, a bowling alley, or a country club.
That being said, I choose Zihuatanejo, Mexico, where I'll meet up with Andy and Red and have a few bottles of suds.
Springfield...across the street from Homer, in GHWB's old pad.
steal of the draft right here - punxsutawney pennsylvania... groundhog day... i get to do whatever the fuck i want... forever!
the high school from "mean gils."
'cause i'm a pedophile.
Basement in Fight Club - So I could get my ass kicked by Meatloaf (always been a dream of mine)...
Beverly Hills Cop II- "The Playboy Mansion"
If im staying at the Playboy Mansion for 1-2 weeks, there is no way Im walking out of there without some Grade A, Dime Piece, Playboy Pussy. You could have no game (like myself) and still fuck a centerfold. Tear to my eye.
mean girls. dammit.
The back room of the strip club while Natalie Portman is working in Closer.
Europe, "The Big Red One"
Some people differ as to what they call "vacation."
I beg to differ that you cannot vacation at a bowling alley, you obviously have spent no time in upstate NY
@ pemulis
I dont think it works that way. Its just the locale, not the plot of the movie. Youre going to be spending your two weeks in Pennsylvania trying to fuck Andie McDowell. Yay for you.
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! i'd rather bork chris elliott than her!
Black Hawk Down - Mogadishu
Wait, what was the question?
John Malkovich's head, for only 15 minutes of course
Las Vegas in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."
"You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture."
The Irish bar from The Boondock Saints. I could spend the rest of my days there.
I'm gonna have to spend a week rolling with Dr Gonzo and Raoul in Las Vegas - Fear and Loathing
damn u Tom
Looks like someone already took Closer.
Can I take Zach Morris' place in the Saved by the Bell wedding movie? Kelly Kapowski is MINE!
Hotel Overlook in the Shining...
I love garden mazes and blood rivers...
The house in which Barely Legal Babysitters 16 was filmed. Do I need to explain?
martin short's body - innerspace... just to swim around in his balls for a while... ummm this might be getting too gay even for me
New York City in the begining of Cocktails. That TGIF where Tom Cruise worked looked fun!
Eagles Nest - Band of Brothers
Bernie's House from Weekend at Bernie's.
Any place in Requiem for a dream, aparrently Jennifer Connely gives it up for the H, and I could manage to have some of that on me
The Valley of the Crescent Moon from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The Grail is mine!
The Bazooko Circus casino from Fear and Loathing.
Lets get down to brass tacks here, how much for the ape?
the temple where jesus is tortured in "the passion." i want to give his captors a helping hand.
Rivendell from "Fellowship of the ring". Lovely architecture.
Dammit, too slow.
Zamora - Conan the Barbarian.
Hansel's apartment, Zoolander. Orgies and a sherpa making omlettes. It's like they made it with me in mind.
Jamaica in "Dr. No". With Ursula Andress. Bond. James Bond. *casually lighting Morland's Special Blend*
Dallas, TX I hear this Debbie chick is worth the trip.
Tokyo in Lost in Translation. I'd take a shot at Scarlett first, and if that didn't work I'd go chase skirts in Kabukicho with Bill Murray as my wingman.
Camden College from The Rules of Attraction. Drugs and Co-eds, can't fail
Tombstone
Does the 'no porn' rule include soft-core? because those movies tend to have best locales... at least name wise
Where ever they live in Logan's Run...but just until I'm 30.
...and ken dynamo wins for gayest comment.
I'd take Vegas in the Ocean's 11 setting... robbing a Vegas casino as you live in luxury? Yes, please.
Oktoberfest in Beer Fest - who cares if the movie isn't that funny. beer and tits
Germany around Ocotober Fest - then attend Beer Fest. DAS BOOT!
damn you romance!
Wally World with the Griswald's.
This might be obvious, but, I am going to go with "Heaven" from any movie featuring an afterlife.
From what I have been reading, the place sound kind of nice. You know.. in a "buy a vacation home next to the lake to bring the kids to" kind of way.
The women's prison in "Black Mama, White Mama."
Club Dread.
I guess I'll go with hell...take a vacation there...it will definitely motivate me to clean up my life
The mountain in Brokeback Moun...wait, I can't do it, it's too much.
Luis Tully's party in Ghostbusters...
"Hey, this is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada, $24.95 a pound! It only cost me $14.12 after tax, though"
Mega-nerd/Lt. Barkley alert:
The Holodeck on the Enterprise. Technically it's the same place, but I could change the places and people inside it as much or as little as I want. Today, 19th century Paris. Tomorrow, Mount Everest. You can even adjust the safety protocols to make it as dangerous or safe as you want.
Also, the whores are STD-free, and since they are technically not real, I wouldn't be committing adultery, would I? It would be like screwing a Real Doll, except with more movement and less intelligence.
Purgatory - Cause I know I wont want to go to hell permanently...I'm not into S&M... And I don't think heaven would be that great with all the goody goody punks...So I guess I am hoping Purgatory exists. It is Bloggers Heaven
the police station from "super troopers." cartoons, weed, german swingers.
With the amount of effort that all the other writers (especially flubby) put into KSK, they should just go ahead and call it BDD's football blog.
Oh, and i'll take the Lord of the Flies island because I could kick the leader's ass and become king of an army of hell spawn.
That last scene in the XXX movie where Vin Diesel is with that crazy Russian chick in Bora Bora in an over-water Bungalow.
Now that's a vacation.
Tron - I call red laserbike.
Zamunda. An incredible steal this late. I get zebras following me around, kickass martial arts workouts, and, of course, the royal bathers.
Little Italy - 1940
Damn you Ben.
"The royal penis is clean."
Yeah, I know, but...
There's a no porn rule? Fuck me.
I'm working off Drew's original post, but I'm inspired by Monty Python.
The scene in "Meaning of Life" where the guy gets to pick his death.
Some random mansion in upstate New York in Eyes Wide Shut.
Fidelio
No, I haven't been to upstate ny, unless niagara falls counts. you see, there was this chick i dated for a while, but she was from canada, you wouldn't know her.
I choose Colorado in Red Dawn so I could join up with Swayze, Sheen and C. Thomas Howell and kick some commie ass. I'd have to convince them not to name our band of misfits after the University of Michigan's mascot, though.
Slovakian Hostel in Hostel.
Hear me out: I'm only there a couple of days. If I can avoid letting anyone mess with my drinks, keep my wits about me, and get out of there within three days, this could actually work out.
Empire Records in Empire Records...
I wanna get me some Liv Tyler titties on speed!
Club Dread
They already caught the killer
Realistically most of our destinations would suck. We are all going to places and thinking we are the main guy. For example me going to San Angeles from Demolition Man. Like I am going to be able to beat up Sly Stallone so I can have Sandra Bullock...the best I could probably hope for is an orgy
A lot of you people really dont know how to follow rules. No wonder BDD gets pissy. Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory? Those are fine picks but this draft is movie locales. So find a fucking movie with those locales and your set.
To clafify so Peter doesn't punch his computer. Hell from Constantine, Purgatory from The house on Haunted Hill
The beach where Louis and Billy Ray end up at the end of Trading Places.
Cracked crab? Lobster? Why not both?
Looking good, Billy Ray!
off the board, max
Wow, peter, you don't have to get so mcshitty with us,
See what I did there?
The pikey camp from Snatch
1980s miami from scarface.
anyone seen Wet Hot American Summer? I'd vacation at camp Firewood because the dudes are all hilarious (Paul Rudd, David Hyde Pierce, Michael Ian Black would all be fun to hang out with) and the ladies are all pretty damn fine.
Pee Wee's house in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. It's just the setting, right? So if he's not there, then I get to eat all the Mr. T cereal.
Im the guy that, when the teacher leaves the room, I tell her who was talking and standing up when she gets back.
Plus every week someone doesnt follow the rules and for some reason this bothers me. Usually I just kick my girlfriends cat, but it died. From internal bleeding. Must have been hit by a car or something.
The orphanage in "Little Orphan Annie." Because I'm a ladies man.
Quahog, Rhode Island and McShiesty before you jump in and cry "thats a TV show" they made a movie
Moutain top of the Andes in 'Alive'
For the breathtaking scenery and cuisine.
Helltrack from Rad.
Because BMX racing is just.....rad.
I'll take the Italian village in Godfather I. It seems like a nice place, as long as nobody tries to blow up my wife.
@les savy ferd
I am the anonymously evil camper from... well you get it.
Wrigley Field, Ferris Bueller's Day Off- A day game at Wrigley is better than heaven with the beer, brats, and whatnot. I might have said A League of Their Own fot the poonanny factor, but then I remembered that Rosie O'Donnell is in that flick.
"Defending Your Life"- Eat all you want, and throw Meryl Streep a bone
Big Skinny Little Italy has been taken
Four words: The Land of Chocolate.
San Diego in "Anchorman." Hanging out with the #1 news team would be sweet, plus all the naive Californian chicks from the late 70's to choose from, who don't have any hangups about condoms, and AIDS hasn't been invented by the government yet. Nice.
Basin City - Old Town - slap me again Rosario...Slap me again
Scary abandoned cabin in the woods from "Evil Dead"
Elsinore Brewery in Strange Brew. Three days of unlimited beer and unlimited hockey fights.
I could spend a week playing baseball with a bunch of ghosts in a cornfield. There would have to be some women in all of those cars lined up at the end and I could fulfull my life long dream of kicking the shit out of Kevin Costner.
Chattooga River from Deliverance - Drinking Beers down a river with Burt Reynolds and Jonny Voight - Guy being made to squeal like a pig - the comedy would be endless
zeppelin's hallucinations from "the song remains the same."
@franklin
Already picked deliverance, but you can come to, i might need help kicking these imbred's asses...
thanks Bermuda feel free to come with me to Basin City Old town - Never know if those hookers go crazy
The only piece of land from "Water World"
battle royale. but i would need something that shoots, no stabby weapon. guarantees death.
I'll take the title scene from Bachelor Party. Booze, hookers, blow, pills, and I'd get to watch a donkey show with Tom Hanks.
To quote Weezer: "Beverly Hills, that's where I want to be."
Specifically, next door to Jed Clampett's mansion, directly across from Elly May's bedroom window. I'd have to live before cable and hardcore porn, so that would be the next best thing.
Island from Cast Away...Keep Tom company for a little
The small Florida town in Wild Things. Sailboats, easy ocean access and horny teenaged girls who dig older guys.
I will mix my own drinks, however.
I would venture to say the palace in Zamunda, from Coming to America, would be pretty sweet.
It doubles as a zoo AND a harem of women wanting to please the prince.
The Matrix
rand,
I think Zamunda got picked already. Not that it's a bad choice, though!
HOTH. I'm the AT-AT Commander and my vacation is piloting a fucking giant walker while picking off Rebel douchebags by the hundreds. Yeah I know its cold, but fuck it...I can always go to Endor next year. It's Hoth goddamnit...the coolest setting in all of the Star Wars movies.
Bratislava from Euro Trip - My lower class poor mofo status would immediately jump up to royalty status in Bratislava
giving the goat in shenanigans. oh, jesus, no, the goat.......
Charlie's Mansion from Charlie's Angels. I get to hang out with Bosley (either Bill or Bernie), live in style, have 3 hot chicks show up, go blow shit up with them on a mission, then come back and shower with them.
The apartment in Head in the Clouds
After I kill Stuart Townsend, it's me, naked bisexual Penelope Cruz, and naked bisexual Charlize Theron.
The Forest from Without a Paddle, You got the weed farm, the horny hairy leg sisters in the tree house and Seth Green makes me feel tall
Titty Twister from Dusk till Dawn - I will have to get a sweet tattoo first though...can't have Clooney showing me up
The Amazon planet from Futurama... because there are far worse things in life than being fucked to death.
Octopussy's island palace (City of Sunrise) from the Bond movie of the same name.
So they all worship calamari, so what...nobody's perfect.
Ocean 11 - Vegas - The Rat Pack Days - When it really meant something.
The Pit, PCU. Have Parliament Funkadelic play your house party and it's summertime so you know you don't have to go to class or any BS like that.
The island fortress from Enter the Dragon. I don't think I need to explain.
And I'm spent.
Rick's Place in Casablanca and the surrounding neighborhood. This vacation comes with a bottomless bar tab and the appropriate clothes. I am friends with everyone including Rick, the Inspector, the piano player and the Fat Man. Sometimes I go into the bazaar and "procure things" but most times I just chill with Bogey.
@ big jon - You are reading my mind....the pit was my next pick. I would tolerate Jeremy Piven just to hang with hot metal chicks and sexually deprived feminists. Anyway...
I'm taking the DV8 night club from Bedazzled. That place was off the friggin' hook and if all the chicks were impressed with Brendan Fraser, then I'm in good shape to score too.
1. HOTH - EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
2. DV8 NIGHTCLUB - BEDAZZLED
you just admitted you saw Bedazzled
Average Joe's gym in Dodgeball. I could get stoned and watch them all day long. And be a Pirate as well. Not to mention the bisexual hot chick either, I'd totally steal her from LaFleuer.
Wherever Jodie Foster goes when she drops through the thing in "Contact". It looked nice there.
Although all these picks are irrelevant since BDD took the lesbian camp tent from Private Parts like a hundred picks ago. Stupid time zones.
I'd like to stay in Happy Gilmore's "Happy Place" where I could have hot chicks, beer and midgets....dare to dream
Camp Nowhere, from Camp Nowhere.
Salma Hayek's house in Desperado. It's a vacation right? And she's there right?
IT. IS. DEFINITELY. ON.
The Ship from Heavy Metal, Robots doing blow, John Candy (voice) is still alive, and that redheaded secretary with huge cans is hot...plus who doesnt want to be animated
@ pemulis - You're the same guy that wants to swim around inside Martin Short's balls. I'll admit to watching Bedazzled any day over admitting to ever thinking about Martin Short....or his balls. Although the Luis Tully pick was inspired.
The bamboo forest from crouching tiger, hidden dragon. I could spend days walking through that. Extra points if i somehow develop the ability to walk amongst the trees like they can.
j4b,
Get your hands off my woman.
Toon Town - Who Framed Roger Rabbit...Throwing Roger Rabbit in the Dip would be worth the trip alone...and while I am at it I might as well sleep with Jessica.
Ctrl + F, Franklin.
And I'm being a dick because I want the Titty Twister back on the board.
The Shire, Middle Earth. At 5'9'', I'd be the Wilt Chamberlain of hobbits (and I don't mean just for my ability to posterize opponents in pickup games).
@benjamin
That was my next pick. So +1 for you. Also, a plague of hairy swamp rats in your home for stealing my pick.
@chamomiles davis
Get your hands out my pocket. FIXED.
My bad...I will settle for Cool World then
The Quick Stop in Clerks.
I'd play rooftop Hockey with those two clowns and criticize how very fucking stupid the people who come in are and I'd get to see Jay and Silent Bob which would only serve to make the day funnier.
Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh PA during 'SUDDEN DEATH' with Jean Claude.
Walnut Grove - Little House on the Prarie...Because Charles Ingalls is the father figure I always wanted...I will have to kill halfpint
Hanging at El Paraiso with Carlito Brigante
Transporter - The south of France and Jason Statham. Oh yeah...
To Catch a Thief - South of France and Grace Kelly. And the little whore who works at the restaurant.
the island from castaway, complete with crabs and wilson.
First, I think Eric missed the point of that movie.
And second, I'll take the seaside village in "Talented Mr. Ripley." Rich, drunk, and surrounded by easy Italians.
Maggie The Cat's Plantation house in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". As long as Paul Newman is out of town. Too hard to compete. Bourbon, southern cooking, and watching Liz Taylor take off her bra and panties every night.
Sherwood Forest treehouse playset from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, after Friar Tuck shows up in the beer truck. Swinging from ropes, swilling beer, fun with bows and arrows, and gettin' itvon with Tony Montana's sister.
He Got Game... Jesus Shuttlesworth's recruit trip.
Wait ten picks, Franklin. You really suck at this.
Anyone remember The Mighty Quinn (not brady)? I know I'm taking y'all back a little bit, but a Jamaica vacation is just what a brotha needs right about now.
And since I've taken Jamaica - no one can take Belly now.
The frat house in Old School. A Snoop Dog concert and Elisha Cuthbert.
Oh man I can't believe it fell this far....
Springfield...The Simpsons....
Can't believe it fell this far!
So it’s off to the beach with me. I’ll be packed into a house with my parents, my wife, my daughter, my sister, my sister’s husband and child, my brother, and my brother’s wife and child.
I have it on good authority that all those people are imaginary.
@j: it didn't.
Post a Comment