KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekkake: Minnesota Vikings

Relatively Rapid Retrospective Realities Regarding The Vikes:

-When the Detroit Lions visited the Vikes on October 11, 1964, it was the first (and only) instance where both teams took the field wearing white jerseys. The game started as scheduled and continued until the Vikes changed into their purple jerseys on the sideline in time for the second quarter. The Vikes not only lost the game, but then had to run a warm load of laundry AND a cold load that night.

-Also in 1964, Ohio State alumnus and NFL Hall of Famer Jim Marshall ran a fumble recovery 66 yards into his own end zone for a safety. This lapse in football awesomeness has largely overshadowed the fact that Marshall started at defensive end in 282 consecutive games. That consecutive games started mark still stands as the NFL record (Brett Lorenzo Favre only has 237. What a pussy).

-Distinguished Badass-in-Multiple-Walks-Of-Life Alan Page is one of seven Vikes--along with Marshall, four other players, a coach and a GM--to be enshrined in Canton. Page went on to earn his law degree from the University of Minnesota in 1978, the same year he was cut by the Vikes, in part because their front office believed that Page's hobby of distance running caused him to lose too much weight to be effective on the field. He was almost immediately signed by the rival Chicago Bears and played four more years in the League with that team. Page now sits as an Associate Justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court, and may be the only player in NFL history to sit through more court appearances than Chris Henry.

-Finland native/offensive lineman/taxi squad member Seppo Evwaraye was signed by the Panthers last year , but was unable to play because the processing fee for his work visa was $5 too light. He played in NFL-E this past spring, and is noted for his 40 time (< 5.0s) and his two brothers, both of whom play for the Finnish national team. He has two goldfish, Megatron and Steve.

-The Vikings made a complete uniform overhaul in 2006, including this massive transformation of their helmets (image courtesy: Wikipedia)

Holy shit, dude. They ruined it. It was so much more awesome the old way.

Projected 2007 Record: 7-9, 2nd place, NFC North (because it sucks)

Actual 2007 Record: 3-13, T-3rd place, NFC North, (because they suck)

Star-Trib Writer Michael Rand, who also does the blog RandBall, really, really likes his team's chances this fall:

Oh, it's going to be ugly. They don't have a No. 1 receiver. The might not have a No. 2 receiver. They don't have a QB who is even remotely proven. They don't have a pass-catching tight end. They do have two decent running backs.

The defense is a year older and missing the star coordinator from a year ago. They still do stupid shit off the field (see Cedric Griffin's Pants-off Dance-off), and the head coach has the trust and confidence of about 12 percent of the fan base, at best.

They open with four fairly winnable games, which should put them at 2-2 into the bye. The four coming out of the bye (at Chicago, at Dallas, Philly, San Diego) will rip them apart. From there, it will be an all too familiar shame spiral.

One time I heard this story about how this one guy was farming hookers from Minnesota and he met up with these two girls, and they were like really hot and shit. Then he goes, "Hey, let's go to Dallas." And these dumb bitches were like, "Okay!" Bad move, sisters. So anyway, dude drives 'em down and they they get there, and he's all, "Looks like we're outta gas. Guess you bitches are gonna have to sell that pussy so we can get home." Just like that, man. They were insta-huers. Seriously, dude. It was in Rolling Stone. When the Vikings rented out those boats two years ago and tried to fuck everybody, I bet that's what they were up to. That was two years ago, right?