Thursday, May 3, 2007

KSK Konversations: Donovan and Andy

...and we're back

Yesterday Andy Reid met with Donovan McNabb to clear up any potential rifts between the franchise and it's star quarterback. Fortunately for you KSK was there; so find out what it's like when these two stop actin' polite, and start actin' real. Mad real.

Andy: Hey D-Mac, thanks for coming in for this chat. A lot of people seem to think there's some tension here and I just want you to know that we remain committed to you.

Donovan: Fuck you fat man.

Andy: Yeah, I was a bit concerned when you didn't answer my text message. Any particular reason why you didn't get back to me?

Donovan: Threw my phone, heard a snap.

Andy: Why would you break your phone?

Donovan: Phone's good, arm's fucked.

Andy: Good Lord son, why would you do such a thing.

Donovan: Watchin' the draft, ya'll fucked me good. And remember I ain't your son. I piss clean like a mountain stream.

Andy: Donovan, let's not get upset here.

Donovan: Ain't upset, pissed off!

Andy: So this Kevin Kolb situation is going to be a problem?

Donovan: We got lots a problems motherfucker.

Andy: Please watch the language Donovan, I'm a man of God.

Donovan: God tell you to fuck me in the ass on Saturday?

Andy: Of course not Donovan, it's just that you tend to crack like a damn egg. That homosexual latin fella saved me last year and he's gone now. We had an opportunity to bring in a great prospect to back you up so we took it. We're just acting in the best interest of the franchise.

Donovan: Forget that second round cocksucker for a minute. I saw how ya'll traded out of the first round.

Andy: Well we just didn't see anybody on the board at the time that we really needed. By moving down we were able to take Kolb.

Donovan: And you just had to let the Cowboys step in the spot.

Andy: Trading within the division is really no big deal.

Donovan: You wouldn't be spoutin' that bullshit if you were gonna spend the next five years runnin' from that crazy asshole they drafted. He's gonna break my damn neck because you couldn't just draft a fuckin' receiver?

Andy: We've got a great offensive line and plenty of targets for you to throw to.

Donovan: I needed a fuckin' wide receiver you dumb piece of shit! You think I'm gonna throw to Reggie Brown all year? Fuck that shit, I'm holdin' out. I got Chunky Soup money backin' me up.

Andy: Don't do anything drastic. Keep in mind we did pick up an undrafted wide receiver.

Donovan: What the fuck good is he gonna do? Only way he's gettin' a job is if he can braid my ass hair.

Andy: Great things sometimes come from unexpected places. Remember, Joseph Smith found the Golden Plates buried in the hill Cumorah.

Donovan: That's it fat man, when you start talkin' that crazy shit I know it's my time to leave. Get me a goddamn receiver or I'm gonna have my boy send your kids some black tar care packages.

Andy: That's a low blow Donovan.

Donovan: You have one day.


Anonymous said...

freakin Mormans

Ryan The Intern said...

Andy Reid especially learned about Sodom from Jeff Garcia firsthand (eh, probably secondhand too) last year.

SlickBomb said...

Donovan: God tell you to fuck me in the ass on Saturday?

Great stuff, UM.

Rob I said...

There is only one way this can be resolved, and all parties (including us, the fans) will win:

Key. Shawn.

TurleyGirlie said...

Please, take him. I keep hearing rumors that my Saints want him.


Otto Man said...

As long as he's going to the post office already, can I give Donovan my address for a black tar package too?

Becky said...

I don't know, they always give an ultimatum.

Signal to Noise said...

I like pissed off Donovan.

Only way he's getting a job is if he can braid my ass hair.

Nice job, UM.

MyBoysAreMyLife said...


And remember I ain't your son. I piss clean like a mountain stream.

I just spit out my lunch. Brilliant, UM.

Robocats said...


"phone's good, arm's fucked"

But seriously Brown? Curtis? He's white, he won't be worth a damn. Baskett? Lewis?

SMP said...

"That homosexual latin fella"

Strong to very strong

Anonymous said...

I saw a guy wearing a Kevin Curtis Rams jersey the other day. I thought, "Awwwwww." Then I remembered my Daunte and Ricky dolphins jerseys.

swing4 said...

Greg Lewis would like to remind you that the Eagles beat the Redskins twice last year.

swing4 said...

Besides, I hear great things about this J.J. Outlaw chap from the scouts in NFL Europa.


What's that euphemism for "sucking" that I'm looking for... oh yeah, a "building year".

Unsilent Majority said...

Tell greg lewis that he can lick my balls.

Trader Rick said...

Donovan: We got lots a problems motherfucker.

Andy: Please watch the language Donovan, I'm a man of God.

Andy should wash Donovan's mouth out with soapium.

YourTaxDollarsAtWork said...

Yes... The "did god tell you to fuck me in the ass" line has been one of the best all week.

becky, we've missed you

peytonloveskenny said...

I hope Andy Reid really does refer to Jeff Garcia as "that homosexual Latin fella."

FFJewbacca said...

Unreal. I haven't stopped laughing.

Unknown said...

If only there existed a blog slam ala a poetry slam. Maybe blognews on Comcast can spot you 5 mins for an extemporaneous reading (damn, i typed that correctly!).

The latin homo comment was priceless. I am forwarding this to folks without calling out the nsfw potential. Screw'em.

yesiamahooker said...

where's flub with some derby coverage up in here?

Unsilent Majority said...

Until Suzy Kolber runs in the Derby don't expect too much horse news.

Otto Man said...

What if Shannon Sharpe competes?

Unsilent Majority said...

Please! Have you seen him run?

flubby said...

yesiamahooker: I'll be at Oaks & Derby the next two days... there should be a good crop of fillies this year (two-legged variety)... I'll let you know...

Otto Man said...

Please! Have you seen him run?

Yes. And I believe the correct term is "gallop."

Mike said...

Good stuff, UM.

"Homesexual latin fella" is gold, I tells ya. Gold.

wv: armpuka

Thomas said...

Please! Have you seen him run?

Only when chased by Joey Porter's dogs.