Pacman Jones Obviously, Indelibly Connected to Dog Fighting

Faithful KSK reader "naptowndrew" sent us this photo of Pacman Jones holding a pit bull puppy, conclusive evidence that Jones is closely tied to the seedy underworld of dog fighting.

So, like, what do I do now? Do I keep up with the fake-news format of claiming Pac is into dog fighting? Should I make up a conversation between Michael Vick and him at Bad Newz Kennels? Do I proclaim "caption contest!" and try to make a bigger deal out of it than it really is? (C'mon, do I look like The Big Lead?)

Frankly, none of it seems all that inspiring. It's a fucking picture, that's all. A picture of a troubled NFL star and a puppy. Hell, it very nearly humanizes a man whose off-field exploits have been marked mostly by violence and misogyny. Holding a puppy and making what white people think is a peace sign is a huge step forward for the guy.

(Semi-off-topic: for anyone who's interested in reading more about dog fighting, add Craig Davidson's Rust and Bone to your reading list. It's a collection of stories about fighting so visceral and hard-hitting that I generally needed a break between them to recover mentally. The prose is gritty, spare, and staccato. And while only the second story in the book, "A Mean Utility," is about dog fighting, it's the most grim and realistic depiction of dog fighting I've seen.)

KTFO: Robert Meachem assaulted by a male Gay (with bonus ball busting)

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Where You Been? Whole Steel Industry's Been Gay For Years

Steelers fans,

What the fuck are you trying to do to me? Okay, it's not your fault the franchise saw fit to introduce some wholly unnecessary mascot to commemorate the team's 75th anniversary, as opposed to, say, some goddamn cheerleaders. But given the chance to submit names for the Bruce Campbell doppelganger, the best 70,000 of you assholes could come up with was Steely McBeam.

Steely McFuckingBeam. See that "fucking" in there, it's called a tmesis. I'm pointing that out to you because I'm going to try to impart a few facts in each post from now on because YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY SO GODDAMN STUPID. WHY AM I CONSTANTLY DEFENDING YOU FROM UFFORD?!

Seriously, do we really need to name the mascot the way an 8-year-old names his hermit crab?

"Look, ma! It's Pinchy McShell!"

"Look, it's Hermie McCrab!"

Fuck. You.

David Carr Marauds Through North Carolina Killing Children Oh God the Humanity

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

(Passersby were amazed by the thanks to reader B.J.)

Gary Busey Rumored to play Lee Carvallo

Nope, we've go absolutely nothin' we're not the least bit ashamed to admit it. That's why this morning instead of bringing you a creative and original material (not bloody likely) or some more prekkake we thought we'd mix it up a bit.

If you're anything like us you probably lay awake at night imagining your favorite video games as epic feature films (next summer, Tobey Maguire is Paperboy!). Well the Hollywood brain trust has woken up to the fact that our classic video games offer an untapped resource from which to steal their ideas. Forget about Super Mario, Lara Croft, that Milla Jovovich bitch. We want to see the real classics! I want Rose McGowan to play the titular role in Frogger: Hopping Mad and I want Shia Labeouf to actually contract dysentery while filming Oregon Trail.

Well now we've finally gotten that breakthrough we've all craved for so long. Enjoy the brilliance that is, Minesweeper: The Movie. Hey, it worked for Schindler's List (née Wolfenstein 3-D).



And if BDD asks, just tell him we talked about football and sodomy all week.

via College Humor

Pacman Jones: the air of respectability that pro wrestling desperately needs right now

Our man Dan V. comes through with another kickass photoshop-- this one imagining what Pacman Jones’ wrestling debut on Thursday might look like. There have been rumblings that any wrestling on Pac’s part could violate his NFL contract. But Jones may figure that his bridges with the Titans are burned anyway, so he might as well cash a few checks before he moves into the crossbar hotel.

We can only wait and see if Pac actually makes it rain at his matches. However, in doing so, he would be edging dangerously close to infringing on the greatest wrestling gimmick of all time. One thing wrestlers don’t tolerate in their business is gimmick thieves. And who can blame them-- drug addicts, spouse abusers, habitual criminals and serial killers are one thing, but gimmick thievery is a serious offense. [Update: reader Barry sends in this link to my favorite Million Dollar Man interview.]

The man in a wheelchair because of Jones’ alleged lawlessness is named Tommy Urbanski. Apparently, Urbanski was once “enhancement talent” (think perennial losers like Brooklyn Brawler or Special Delivery Jones) in the then-WWF. So now Jones is parlaying the notoriety obtained in Urbanski’s shooting into the career that Urbanski craved, but, presumably, couldn’t make it in. Wow. Urbanski must really hate Jones now. Here’s hoping that TNA money winds up in the pockets of Urbanski and the rest of the people Jones has crapped on in his life.

California...Knows How To Party

Probably the only thing better in life than watching two teams in pads try to beat the shit out of each other is watching two guys without pads try and do the same. I don't know what it is about football that gets people's pugilistic passions pumping. Maybe the alcohol? Yeah. Probably the alcohol.

The Undercard.

Dude in Chargers jersey (hey--throwbacks!) takes issue with the congregation's assessment that the San Diego Zoo is no longer America's Favorite Zoo. Tempers flare. Beer is not dropped.

The Main Event.

You can catch the preamble to this little skirmish in some other clips, but this is where it all comes to a head. It's like COPS, but without the cops.

Do we still have time to get an NFL team in LA for 2007?

KSK 2007 NFL Season Prekkake: New Orleans Saints

Clockwise from left: QB Drew Brees, RB Reggie Bush, K Olindo Mare, and FS Kevin Kaesviharn

Five Fast Facts About the Saints:

- Kicker John Carney was released in April, leaving fullback Mike Karney as the only "carnie" on the team. Well, besides linebacker Mark Simoneau. He can guess your weight within three pounds.

- The Louisiana Superdome, which was a lawless refugee camp during Hurricane Katrina, has been home to more rapes and murders than any other NFL stadium besides McAfee Coliseum in Oakland.

- Unbeknownst to most fans fans, wide receiver Devery Henderson's first name is an adjective meaning "quick to spoil." As in: "Oh man, I didn't realize the meast was devery. We're rumphed."

- Defensive end Will Smith is married to semi-successful actress Jada Pinkett Smith.

- Reggie Bush has joined Matt Leinart as one of the few NFL stars who has dabbled in the medically unsound practice of dating celebutantes. The two former USC stars, of course, have now been romantically linked to Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton (respectively). The final third of that potent Trojan (Trojan -- God, I hope) offense, LenDale White, has been seen canoodling with a Nashville-area vending machine. You oughta see what happens to the Honey Buns in the sex tape.

OMG! BFF!

Projected 2007 record: 11-5, first in NFC South
Actual 2007 record: 16-0, first in NFC South, lose NFC semifinal at home.

It's hard to believe that it was just a year ago that we all wondered what would happen to the Saints. In 2005 the team went 3-13 while playing "home" games at such close-to-New Orleans locales as Baton Rouge, San Antonio, and New Jersey. They were coached by Jim Haslett and quarterbacked by Aaron Brooks. Owner/cockmonger Tom Benson seemed hellbound to move the team to San Antonio or Los Angeles. In short, it was the single most pitiful Saints season that didn't involve Archie Manning.

Ah, but what a difference a year makes! Coach Sean Payton was poached from the Cowboys, the Dolphins passed on free agent Drew Brees (How did Culpepper and Harrington work out, Miami?), the Texans passed on Reggie Bush, seventh-round pick and wide receiver Marques Colston became America's tight end, and the Saints cruised to a 10-6 record, the NFC South title, and the franchise's second playoff win EVER in an energized season in the rehabilitated Superdome.

Oh, and this chick got an F-bomb shown on live national television.

Thanks, "Fuck Da Eagles" girl, for being the pinnacle of the best Saints season ever. Do that again some more this year, 'kay?

Another reason not to put ketchup on a bratwurst

Apparently, among our demented readership are some of the twisted bastards at Ketchup Friends. In this video they demonstrate one of the lesser known properties of this stalwart tailgating condiment.



Surprise: they're Lions fans. One thing is for certain, I'm off ketchup for good. From now on, it's catsup or nothing.

Steelers 20 Saints 7 Mike McKenzie: part of a well-balanced breakfast

Mike "Whole Wheat" McKenzie= Toast

• One game does not a season make, but the Saints will need better play at the corner if they are to repeat last year's success. McKenzie couldn't guard a fencepost, much less Cedrick Wilson last night.
  


• Bryant Gumbel gave us no sign that he miraculous turned into a tolerable play-by-play man during the off-season. At one point, Gumbel earnestly told a heart-felt story about how Mike Tomlin knew he could be a head coach after Tony Dungy allowed him to give a pre-game speech. After this maudlin tale was mercifully over, Cris Collinsworth quickly corrected Gumbel, pointing out that it was Jon Gruden, not Dungy, whom allowed Tomlin to address the team. Apparently Gumbel can only process information when it is spoon-fed to him in 12 minute chunks by Mary Carillo or Bernie Goldberg.
  


• Michael Irvin hasn't been gone from ESPN long enough for us to feel nostalgic during his visit to the booth during last night's game. Since the Playmaker is a Cowboy, we were never a fan. But the idea that he was not a first-ballot Hall of Famer is utterly ridiwockle. Once thing that was apparent from Irvin's chat with Gumbel and Collinsworth was that he loves his kids. While we knew what he really meant, we couldn't help but feel a little creeped out by his repeated discussion of kissing his son "in the mouth."


• Speaking of Mike, he came through like a champ during his induction speech. We're not convinced he didn't steal this from a cheesy 80s sports movie. Check it out before the YouTube police see it. Mike has no business as an analyst, but he remains one of the game's most compelling personalities.