Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Louisiana, Louisiana, they're trying to wash us away.

The latest in KSK's continuing series, "Better Know a Football Team." Today, the New Orleans Saints.

In the not too distant past, this was a luckless and thoroughly loathsome franchise. A haven for thieves, drug addicts and treacherous cuckolders. However, in the wake of a 2005 season that saw the Saints play 16 road games, we began felt a little sorry for the Saints. Now that the Saints are back at home with a new coach, a new QB and Reggie Freaking Bush. We we can't help but get on the bandwagon early enough to get a good seat near the keg.

Four things you might not know:

1. Last season when the Saints were 2-8, Joe Theismann endorsed Jim Haslett for coach of the year. Obviously, the highest concentration of brain cells in Joe's body is located in the metal holding together his right leg. Incredibly, the Saints did not heed Joe's words of wisdom, instead hiring Sean Payton away from Dallas.

2. “The Big Easy” is the nickname for the entire city of New Orleans, not just Willie Roaf's wife.

3. Archie Manning never played for a winning team during his NFL career (including 10 seasons in New Orleans). Has anyone legacy ever improved over time more than Archie Manning? Archie was a chuck-and-duck stiff in the NFL. But sometime during the ascension of Peyton and Eli, broadcasters began referring to Archie with hushed tones of reverence. I am not convinced that the Hermanos Manning don't get their talent from their mother.

4. In 2001, Drew Brees led Purdue to their first Rose Bowl in over 30 years. We don't know how Brees wil look after shoulder surgery; but anything less than amputation will be a step up from Aaron Brooks.

The Texans taking Mario Williams over Reggie Bush will be rightfully mocked for years to come-- possibly assuming Blazers-taking-Sam-Bowie-over-Jordan proportions. Bush is a bona fide stud. On the fantasy tip, two things may possibly prevent Bush from being an immediate roto pimp. The first is Deuce McAlister, (if he can come back from ACL surgery). The second is the Saints O-line—the only thing in the Crescent City that blows more than Wynton Marsalis.

Make no mistake: Saints owner Tom Benson is a major league douche. Benson quit going to Saints "home" games in Baton Rouge last season, claiming he feared for his family's safety and thowing Tiger Stadium and LSU under the bus. However, Benson was clearly the aggressor in the only documented incidents in which he was involved. Benson apparently couldn't stand getting a little dose of reality from the rabble who didn't appreciate Benson's meretricious relationship with San Antonio officials.

Benson would later claim his talks of relocation were merely a prudent business move in case New Orleans could no longer host an NFL team. Apparently Benson thinks that the market for an NFL network is roughly the same as for those '87 Yugos he used to hawk. If things don't work out in New Orleans, we're sure Mr. Benson will have his choice of suitors. Fortunately Daddy Tags put a stop to further torment for Saints fans (at least for now).

New Orleans, you've been through hell, and no one knows if your Saints will be around for the long term. However, until they split for LA or (shudder) San Antonio, you have an interesting team to watch while you are still up to your asses in mud and rubble. Laissez les bon temps rouler, motherfuckers.


Anonymous said...

I hate Archie Manning's big gay-ass headphones he always wears when they show him on TV. That really annoys me for some reason.

Unsilent Majority said...

Flubby proves once and for all that DC is the only real Chocolate City.

the line about Roaf's wife was priceless.

RadamR said...

I hate Archie Manning's big gay-ass sons he always wears when they show him on TV. That really annoys me for some reason.

His penis has dispensed too much ugly.

Chris said...

I don't think 'motherfuckers' is very French, now is it?

Becky said...

His penis has dispensed too much ugly.

I request the right to use this line as often as possible.

Anonymous said...

Nice Randy Newman ref.

Unknown said...

I second the line about Roaf's wife.

Anonymous said...

>>TheBigO said...

"4. In 2001, Drew Brees led Purdue to their first Rose Bowl in over 30 years."

And we beat that ass, GO DAWGS!!!<<

Durrr... Moron, that was the University of WASHINGTON that won. No, your "Dawgs" beat Kyle Orton in the Capitol One bowl. Do you even follow your team?