The Last KSK Commenter Draft – Stars Of The Pornographic Film Industry

It’s the last commenter draft of the year. Next week, this slot will be occupied by the return of the Maj’s gambling column. I’ve enjoyed these drafts a great deal, largely because you, the readers, do all the effort. Well, it’s only fair to reward you. Many of you have been asking for a porn star draft for a while (shocking), so here it is.

The rules? This is a star of the pornographic film industry you would like to perform a scene with. It can be any porn star from any time in history. No soft core actors or actresses please. They have to have, like, done it with someone on camera. For reals. Once you pick a porn star, wait 10 picks until you pick another. If you provide a link to said performer, do be sure to leave a NSFW warning if necessary.

While I usually take the first pick in all our drafts, I’m going to abstain from picking this time around. Because as a husband and father, I of course have never seen a pornographic film in my entire life. Couldn’t even begin to tell you the name of any actress involved in the industry. Nikki Tyler? Who’s that? No clue. A famous judge once said he knew pornography when he saw it. Well, I would not know pornography when I saw it, because I’ve never seen it. Sorry, judge. Wish I was hip to it all.

So enjoy this, the last draft of the year. Around the 100th comment, this should start to get pretty creepy.

Emergency KSK Commenter Draft: Name This Baby

While we know quite a bit about Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan, details about the kid are still sparse. We know it's a boy and...well, that's about it. Tom Brady, we must imagine, is surely overwhelmed with the realization that his life is now over. Yeah, being a dad is great and whatever (that's what I read, anyway), but as he watches a promising career of pure bachelorhood evaporate before his eyes, his latest acquisition now toils in this mortal neo-natal world of ours, nameless.

Sadly, our newly-papoosed prodigal passer might be mere hours from being slapped with some ridiculous Hollywood-inspired child's name like "Coco" or "Apple." Or worse, he could spend his life shouldering even something more uninspired, like "4real" or "@." Hey, @, how are you today? What's that, @? Could you repeat that, @? What's your email address, again?

We cannot let this happen. This is, after all, A Baby Of Destiny. We must rise to this occasion as voices of reason, and hope that, for all our collective efforts, one name stands above all. For this draft, you are naming this baby. You know the rules. I will go first.

Anakin Bootylicious Brady.

Pick a name. Wait ten picks. Pick another name. If you have time, mock and ridicule the ones that fuck this up. Time is a factor here. The fate of the future lies in your hands.

Go.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Vehicle You Would Want For a High Speed Chase

I’m buying a car this weekend. WOO HOO! Oh yeah, bitch. I’m buying me the sexiest car on the market. I’m buying a car that’ll make panties drop the second it comes within eyeshot. It’s the kind of car that makes catcalls actually effective. This is the kind of car that elevates me to a greater status of human being, richer and sexier than the rest of you commoners. And that car, of course, is…


The Honda CRV. Oooh, baby. Don’t act like you aren’t jealous. This 4-cylinder honey can accommodate not one, but TWO baby seats. And it’s got a cassette deck. Is that Glacier Blue blinding your eyes? Why, yes it is. Advantage: Drew.

Anyway, in celebration of the biggest check I will ever write until my kid chooses an expensive college over a better state school, it’s time for vehicle draft. You’re in a high speed chase! The 5.0 be hot on yo tail! You need a vehicle that’s fast, with a dexterity of at least 17 or higher. The rules: Pick one vehicle. It can be any vehicle, real or imaginary. Let us also assume you have the money necessary to maintain it, or even trick it out. Once you pick a vehicle, wait 10 picks until you select another.

My pick. You know it…


In case you forgot, the Millenium Falcon did the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. Don’t know what a parsec is? Well then, fuck you. It’s fast. It can outrun Imperial starships. Not local bulk-cruisers, mind you. I’m talking about the big Corellian ships now. Bitchin. Although I never understood why Han Solo’s ride was the only ship in the galaxy that could jump into hyperspace. Whatever. It’s mine. You ain’t catchin’ me, baby!

Suicide Is Painless, Unless You Screw It Up

Believe it or not, suicide isn't always a lot of fun. It can tear apart families and scar loved ones for years to come, fortunately you'll be too dead to care! These days there are so many ways to off oneself that it's not always easy to keep abreast of the hot new trends in felo-de-se.

Even those of us who aren't (currently) suicidal harbor thoughts of self-destruction, it's as natural as jerkin' it with a plastic bag over your head while you sit on a cattle prod. But what would be the most befitting way for you to shuffle loose the mortal coil? Everyone has had their own opinions dating back to 1942 when suicide was invented by young wordsmith William Shakespeare. His early visions of Ophelia's relaxing soak in the creek and Romeo's power-nap set the tone for the future of the game. Since then quitters the world over have expanded on these simple methods and thrown in their own special flair. So if you had a good run and were ready to call it a life how would you want to do the deed?

I'll go ahead and kick off the draft with my first selection: Making friends with the ground!



As usual, we've got some rules. Follow them or your death may not be so optional.

1. You may not draft jump off of the bridge at Cornell, because that's totally played out
2. Draft one method of death at a time
3. Wait a full ten picks in between draft picks
4. UPDATE: Must be PLAUSIBLE methods. Fucked to death by Angelina Jolie ain't happenin', pal.


If you are honestly suicidal you probably shouldn't partake in this exercise or watch pre-season football.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft: Movie Settings Where You Would Like To Go On Vacation

I’ll be on vacation next week. And frankly, it’s well deserved. You might think it’s easy to come up with all these 8th-Grade level dick jokes. Well, it is. But still, I gotta punch all these keys to write them, and that can be tiring. So it’s off to the beach with me. I’ll be packed into a house with my parents, my wife, my daughter, my sister, my sister’s husband and child, my brother, and my brother’s wife and child. We may try and squeeze in a Japanese exchange student just for the hell of it. All with no air conditioning. Should be fucking AWESOME.

Anyway, to celebrate my week off, I‘m gonna try and pull off this rather tricky draft. These are movie locales or settings where you would like to have a few days to explore on your own. A good movie, of course, takes you to a whole new gay world, one you’d like to hang around in for a week or two. So let’s give this a shot. The rules. Pick ONE film and ONE specific setting. NO PORN. This can be any movie, and any time in history. It can also be fictional. Let’s assume you have money to spend in the location. But otherwise, your access to medical care and what not is the same as any other character in the film. Now, of course, some movies have multiple settings, and some do not. But once a film has been taken, no other setting can be taken from that movie. Once you pick a place, you must wait until 10 other places have been chosen.

Boy, that’s simple! Anyway, my choice is the Castle Anthrax from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”


Eightscore young blondes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half? All of whom are in need of a good spanking? Giggity. I’ll take Zoot first, then Dingo. Should be fun.

Yours in the comments.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Restaurants Where You Would Like To Eat Your Last Meal

There’s nothing worse than heading to a good restaurant and then ordering the wrong thing. This happened to me last week. You know the drill. You order something, and it’s pretty good. Then you take a bite of something the person next to your ordered, and a giant OH FUCK sign flashes in your head. Then you spend the rest of the meal in a deep state of regret, hoping the person next to you doesn’t finish their dish so you can pounce on it like a homeless person on half a drumstick.

Well, that isn’t happening in this draft. That’s right: it’s the restaurant where you’re eating your last meal. You’re going to die. How? Doesn’t matter. Death penalty. Cancer. Really bad hangnail. Whatever it is, you ain’t living much longer, so here’s your last chance to enjoy some food and libations. And the tab is on God, so you can order as much as you please, and stay as long as you please.

The rules? Pick a restaurant. It must still currently exist. After you pay the tab, you drop dead on the spot. So no, “I’ll pick any restaurant in Vegas and then go bang a hooker afterwards!” And no picking restaurants located in strip clubs and shit. Shut the fuck up and concentrate on the food. If you pick a chain restaurant, and they can range from McDonald’s to Nobu, all of its locations are off the board. Once you pick a joint, you must wait 10 picks until you choose another.

My pick is Murray’s Steakhouse in Minneapolis, Minnesota.


Murray’s may not be the world’s greatest restaurant. In fact, I’m quite sure it is not. Some in town even prefer Manny’s for steaks. I’m picking this one straight for sentimental reasons. I ate here when I was 14. Ordered the silver butter knife porterhouse. And you know what? You really could cut it with a butter knife. Fucking. Nice. Joey Browner sat three tables over from us. Joey Browner was a black belt in karate and my favorite Viking of all time. I bet he too has a wallet that says Bad Motherfucker. Did I have a good meal? I did.

Your turn.

This Week's KSK Commenter Draft: Methods By Which You Would Commit Career Suicide If You Were a Celebrity

At a glance, this week's commenter draft looks remarkably, and deceptively, easy. I mean, you or I could fuck up our careers irreparably with little more than a stray "all staff" e-mail (that's the last time you forward your coworker one of Punter's posts) or even a good cupping of the secretary's glorious tits.

Upon reaching a certain threshold of fame, however, and the normal rules cease to apply. As is increasingly the case, one must put together a menu of faux pax and fuck-uppery to jeopardize one's career. Singular incidents often just won't do.

Killed someone? Not even a fellow celebrity? That's too fucking pedestrian. Ray Lewis kills at least three people before lunch EVERY DAY, including July 4th and Satan's birthday. Fucked some kids? I'm pretty sure I saw Michael Jackson performing on some network special the other week. Hate the Jews? Well, yes, I thought Apocalypto was a decent flick.

Not so simple, huh?

Even more recent examples, such as Pacman Jones and Michael Vick - aka "Ron Mexico," aka "Ookie," aka "Lionel Hutz," aka "Miguel Sanchez" - had to assemble a slate of improprieties. Vick prefaced the fallout of Bad Newz Kennels with an offseason of stoner high jinx. But where his true genius lie was messing with animals. People care about adorable little critters more than their fellow man. Know why we're still in Iraq? Easy. No cute animals there - camels are fucking ugly. China poses an economic threat to us but, hey, they got pandas.

The rules. You're an A-list celebrity at the peak of your career. Pick a deed or statement that could deep-six your fame quicksville. And by that, I don't mean something that will bump you down a peg in stardom or dog you for a few years. I mean "you will never work in this or any town again" type of shit. You must wait 10 picks to make another pick. There is some room for overlap. If you take away all the major heinous crimes in the first five picks, there isn't much left to work with. Serial jaywalking probably wouldn't hurt your career too badly. Having said that, try to be creative about it.

My pick is shooting the President of the United States.

A quick disclaimer so I don't get sent to Gitmo: I HAVE NO PLANS TO ACTUALLY DO THIS. Besides, I can't shoot anyone due to the crippling arthritis in my index fingers from Space Invaders in 1977.

Neither should this be taken as a political statement on my part. I'd like to shot most politicians regardless of ideology. Rather, I figure it's the surest, fastest way to ruin your public image. I don't remember Charles Guiteau going platinum after he killed President Garfield.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Video Games You Would Choose In A One-On-One Duel Against An Advanced Alien Species For The Fate Of Mankind

I don’t have much time to play videogames anymore, which pains me greatly. They’ve gotten cooler as my adult responsibilities have increased, and that’s not fair. But I’ll have the last laugh. One day, I’ll be retired, Mrs. Drew will have grown to ignore me completely, and then I can play all the WiiStation I want. Fuck yeah, retirement!

Anyway, allow me to outline a scenario for you. Kang and Kodos, shown above, have decided to colonize Earth. But first, they want to test the human species. You know, to make sure they aren’t intelligent enough to resist intergalactic slavery. So they pick you (yes, you!) out of a crowd and challenge you to the videogame of your choice. If you defeat Kang, you will have proved yourself worthy of alliance, and not slavery. If you lose, we then we’re all fucked, thank you very much.

So you better choose a game you excel at, motherfucker.

The rules. Pick one game, then wait until 10 other have selected to choose another. You can pick any game, console or arcade. Different years of Madden and what not are acceptable. No cheat codes. This is a one-on-one battle, so if you choose a game that doesn’t feature one-on-one play, we’ll go by high score or who can advance to the highest level. Let us also assume that Kang and/or Kodos are well-versed in video games and have watched them being played from afar. Even with tentacles, they are still quite dexterous with a control pad.

My pick is EA Bill Walsh College Football ’95.


I’ll skip the easy Tecmo Bowl pick and go for the one game that made it even easier to accumulate yards and points on 500 consecutive sweeps. I’ll be playing with Michigan and running triple option with Tyrone Wheatley. Sometimes I will go right. Sometimes I will go left. I tell you, Kodos won’t be able to keep up. One time, I scored 100 points in a half. And that makes me awesome!

Other KSK staff have jumped in and made their picks before you as well. Sorry, they got dibs.

Ape: Goldeneye

Maj: Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast or arcade). I could serve and volley that alien bastard to death with Philippoussis, outrun him with Johansson, or punish him with Yevgeny's backhand.

Punter: I'm taking Contra for NES. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start.

Your turn. Remember: Our lives are in your hands, dude.

This Week's KSK Commenter Draft: Songs You'd Want For Your Pregame Introduction

Baseball players get a personalized song every time they step up to bat. I would like that to happen to me in some way, shape, or form. That would be badass. Hence, this draft. This is the song you'll be using to announce yourself to a crowd of 50,000 plus.

The rules: This can be any song by any artist. Once you pick a song, you cannot pick any other song by that artist, though other drafters may if they have not already. Pick a song, then wait ten picks till the next song.

That's Josh Homme. He's a fucking badass. I'll be picking him up later on, but for now my first choice is the "Die! Die! Die!" bridge of "Creeping Death" by Metallica. I've already given my tribute to it.

Rock on, kids.

NOTE: If you do not own "Era Vulgaris" already, please do yourself the courtesy of going out and buying and/or stealing it. Don't make me thrash you.

This Week's Commenter Draft: Who Would Play You In A Movie Of Your Life's Story

Face it, your life sucks. You weekdays are boring, you sleep through your weekends, and even your most eventful evenings are scattered among nights of cheap, fatty dinners and sessions of underhanded self-loathing. You are hardly redeemable as a human being. And we would know.

Fortunately for you (and for us), Hollywood never lets facts get in the way of bad cinema. The screenplay documenting your shitty existance, after a few focus meetings and a near-infinite number of re-writes, will be perfect for the silver screen. Remember the time you fucked that hot blonde in the back room at Piggly Wiggly? Neither do we! But there it is, on page 70, written out in all its artistic glory.

Today, good people, you are casting the person that would play you in this movie.

The Rules:

--You are picking this person as they existed IN THEIR PRIME.

Think Steve McQueen circa The Cincinnati Kid or Adam Sandler circa Happy Gilmore. They do not have to be alive today.

--They do not necessarily have to be actors.

Most of you are going to fuck this up anyway, so go ahead and embarrass yourselves creatively.

--No one can be chosen twice, regardless of which era that person is taken.

For example, you could take Drew Barrymore from ET, or Drew Barrymore from Charlie's Angels. Not both. Again, some of you are stupid and will fuck this up. I apologize to both of our literate readers that naturally would have understood this.

--People back out of shit in Hollywood all the time, so take an understudy. Or six.

Don't let your movie go to shit because your main guy bailed two weeks before shooting to be the next General Zod. Get a backup, but wait 10 picks before doing so. Same as always.

With the first pick, I'll keep it contemporary and select the incomparable Don Cheadle. Black people are always cooler than white people. Plus, this guy could read a fucking Human Resources policy book and leave me transfixed. Fortunately, making my life interesting will be only slightly more difficult than that.

Get to it.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Mock Draft: Fantasy Football 2007

Yep, that’s right. An actual discussion of football right on this here site. Never thought you’d see the day, did you?

The best part of fantasy football is how it helps get us, the football-bereft citizens, through the horrors of late June to August. You’d be surprised how much time you can eat up convincing yourself Wes Welker will be a great sleeper pick. And so, let us get the ball rolling with a rough draft. No stat sheets in front of you. No refreshing your memory of last season. No checking bye weeks. This one’s all gut. Consider it a fundamentals drill.

The rules: Let us assume this is a nonkeeper league. You start 1 QB, 2 RB, 2 WR, 1 RB/WR, 1 TE, 1 K, and 1 D, with 5 bench spots. 13 players total. No points for receptions.

1pt. = 10 yds run/rec or 25 yds passing
4pts. = passing TD
6pts. = run/rec TD, Defense/ST TD
-2pts. = fumble or INT
3pts. = FG
5pts. = FG 50+
1pt. = extra point or sack

PICK 1 PLAYER ONLY, THEN WAIT 12 PICKS UNTIL YOU MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION.

Oh, and I’ll be taking LT2 now. Suckers. He’s fun because he makes the Seahawks look dumb!

Have at it.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Dad Draft!

As much as I would like to believe my Father’s Day weekend will be identical to the itinerary posted below, reality is far more cruel. I have to strip glue off the bathroom walls. And do work. And the next DVD in our Netflix queue was “Dreamgirls”.

I got fucked.

I also have to remember to call my Dad and wish him a Father’s Day in his own right. I owe it all to my dad. He’s the one who gave my me sly sense of humor. In fact, I’m quite sure you know him. He’s former LA deejay Rick Dees:


I’ve actually never spoken to my father. He abandoned us when I was 1 hour old. My mother says he’s a heartless deadbeat who never gave a shit about us and only acknowledges his “new” family. But Dad, if you’re out there, I just want you to know that, even though you were never there for me, I still love you. I’ll always be your little Disco Duck. Hugs and hand pounds, Big Poppa.

This week’s draft is an Alternate Dad draft. You’re picking a new daddy, one to replace the one that got drunk and beat you every weekend. The rules? Pick one dad, fictional or otherwise. It can be any man at any point in time. Once you pick a new dad, you must wait 10 picks until you pick a new one. Let us also assume you are already a billionaire, so potential inheritance plays no role here.

My first pick? Mr. Incredible.


Apart from money, the most important quality my new dad can have is the ability to beat up YOUR dad. And rest assured, Mr. Incredible will fuck your dad up. And, being his spawn means I could have special powers myself. Just call me Jack-Jack.

This Week's KSK Commenter Draft: People You Would Have Liked To Be Your Graduation Speaker

Brian Billick was a graduation speaker at Johns Hopkins recently. There he imparted some might fine words of wisdom on the graduatiing class.

"In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed," Billick said from the lectern at Hopkins' lacrosse field. "Be that pig."

Yes, The Bri is a master of metaphors. In the breakfast of life, you should be the fatty, salty mud-dweller who gets brutally slaughtered for the enjoyment of others. Ray Lewis can assist you if you're having problems butchering yourself.

Commencement ceremonies are godawful. Mine, like all of them, took place on a 95 degree day and lasted eight hours while I nursed an absolutely brutal hangover. During senior week I got so drunk one night I passed out in the middle of a street in Portland, Maine. When I asked my friend the next morning how I got back to campus, all he said was, "I'm gonna fucking kill you." He's not really my friend anymore.

Our graduation speaker was Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer. BORING. I don't remember a goddamn word he said. Just another fucking lawyer. But I know who I wish we'd gotten.


Fucking Harvard gets all the best speakers. Snobby little bitches.

Will Ferrell is my number one pick for this draft. The rules: Pick one speaker only, then wait ten choices until you make another. This can be a speaker from any point in history, and I offer you bonus points for sincerity. Also, if you're late to the draft, TOUGH FUCKING SHIT. Don't be one of those assholes who's like, "Oh, I'm late. I'll just take five people!" You're gay if you do that.

UPDATE IN BOLD: NO FUCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.

Commenter Draft: Drinking Games

Big Daddy Drew is in a meeting this morning -- I know: I, too, thought the Dick Joke Symposium was next week -- so it's gonna be me, Captain Caveman, leading you through the draft this morning. Yeah, yeah. I like it when Drew does all the work, too. Less writing for me.

So, let's get to it: drinking games. As always, select one game at a time and wait ten picks -- not comments, but picks -- until you select again. These must be real games that you have played. Any arcane or obscure games require brief explanations so that others may go forth and get drunk in that matter.

Personally, I'm sad to say that I've moved beyond drinking games. They tend to be too loud, and that gets in the way of me getting mellow. I prefer drinking by myself. So, I'll be passing on the first pick -- I'll trade down for multiple picks next draft or something -- but I want to make ONE THING VERY CLEAR:

That game where you throw the ping-pong ball at the pyramid of cups? It's Beirut. Beer pong is played with paddles. Only shitheads who don't know their drinking games call Beirut beer pong.

KSK Commenter BONUS Draft: Beer

It's Memorial Day weekend, so let us choose our favorite brews. I have stated many times that I am a beer whore and NOT a beer snob, so any beer suits my fancy. But if you're more particular, this may be for you. If you missed last evening's draft, here's a quick chance to make up for it.

The rules: Pick any beer. If it's obscure, leave a link. PICK ONE BEER ONLY, COMMENTER LARRY BURNS. Once 10 other people have picked, you may pick another.

My pick? Chimay.


Delicious and TWICE the alcohol!

Enjoy the weekend. Missing your cheerleader? Try a Google search. I'm sure something will turn up.

UPDATE: Different varieties by the same brewer or label are fine.

This Week's KSK Mock Draft: Bands You Would Like To Have Been The Frontman For

Oh c'mon, you didn't expect us to take a week off without holding a little draft fun, now, did you? Lord knows you folks have earned it. Frankly, I'm stunned and delighted you folks cared that much. After all, reading KSK and NOT reading at all are fairly similar endeavors. To wormfather, otto man, grimey, and the rest of you fabulous KSK commenters out there, thanks for sticking around during a week where we were determined to not do anything at all.

This week's draft: Bands You Would Like To Have Been The Frontman For. Yes, I just dangled a preposition. Suck my balls. The rules: You can pick any band from any spot in time. This may not be your favorite band, just the band that would promise the awesomest life experience should you be the lucky asshole who fronted it. You sung. And possibly played the lead guitar. You did all the coke. And you accidentally nailed all the tranny groupies. If your frontman died young, so did you. Hip hop bands welcome. No solo artists. Once you pick a band, you must wait 10 picks to select another.

My first pick, of course, is Led Zeppelin. They aren't my favorite band. But who passes up the chance to violate women with a mud shark like Robert Plant did? No one, that's who.

And if you can name the band above, you get to bypass the 10-choice rule to make your next pick. But beware: I'll be picking them very soon. Because they fucking rule.

And if you pick REM, you are a fucking pussy.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Celebrities You Would Like To Fight

I’ve been wanting to do a fight draft for ages. And at last, here it is. The rules here are a bit complex, so let’s get right to them. This must be a famous person everyone knows, currently living and as they are right now. Picking them means you fight them, hand-to-hand. One on one. No weapons. No hired goons. No holds barred. And you aren’t guaranteed of beating them. This is real life fighting. If you maim or kill them, you will not be charged with a crime. If you get maimed or killed, your medical care is paid for. No picking Deadspin commenters or that one asshole in your class. No one cares. Pick only one celebrity. After that, you must wait 10 selections before you pick another.

One last rule: If you are a man, you cannot pick a female. We’d all like to pick Paris Hilton, hold her down, and beat the fucking tar out of her. But I’m against violence on the ladies, so you gotta pick a guy. My pick? The obvious:


Chief Poopy Pants himself.

Bin Laden has the reach on me, no doubt. But he’s old, and his kidneys are failing. I could take him. I’d pull that fucking beard for all it was worth. He’s also got a big nose. I bet he’s a bleeder. Bring it, Osama. I’ll hit you so hard I’ll kill your whole family. All 57 brothers and sisters of yours. Bitch.

NOTE: I did a post for the Name of the Year blog today on the great Destiny Frankenstein. Check it out.

This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft – Desert Island Simpsons Episodes

I don’t watch “The Simpsons” as much as I used to, although last week’s episode was easily one of the best I’ve seen in the past 5 years, if not longer. But it’s no secret that every member of the Gay Mafia is a card-carrying Simpsons geek. Hell, Christmas Ape barely acknowledges anything that comes in three dimensions. Fuck, if you’ve never watched “The Simpsons”, then you have absolutely no business trying to make jokes (though Jimmy Kimmel will certainly hire you for a brief period).

We had a brief rundown yesterday of our favorite episodes, and no two answers were alike. So we thought we’d open today’s draft up to you, considering the show hits its 400th episode on Sunday night. These are the episodes of the show you’d want with you if you were trapped on a desert island (with a functioning DVD player and electrical power generator). The rules, as always: Pick only one episode, and once you pick, you must wait ten choices until you get to pick again. Oh, and be sure to include favorite quotes as well.

My favorite:

“Last Exit To Springfield.”

Honestly it’s fucking flawless. Even with Lisa’s singing. Want some examples?

“Dental plan!”
“Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?”
“I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.”
“Don Homer, I make a special donut for a you.”

Sheer brilliance. Yours in the comments.

This Week's KSK Commenter Draft: Non-Pornographic Sex Scenes In Which You'd Like To Participate

Last week's first-ever KSK commenter draft was such a smashing success (one guy even did a full breakdown of it), we've decided to hold a new one every Friday morning for the rest of the offseason.

This week draft: Non-Pornographic Sex Scenes In Which You'd Like To Participate

The rules: You are not the actor in this scene. You are the character. Which means you totally get laid. Picks are first come first served. But only pick one scene, and once you pick, you must wait 10 picks before making another selection. Once 10 other commenters have picked, you can then pick another scene. And please, try and provide some YouTube linkage if you can find it. Add a NSFW warning if appropriate. Hopefully, it will be.

You may draft different scenes from the same movie. But again, no porn. And no softcore porn. In fact, I'm gonna limit it to R-rated movies only. That way, no one picks "Henry & June". Not that you would. Though I heard it was rather ribald.

Oh, and no picking the first sex scene from "Risky Business." That's all mine.

"Are you ready for me, Drew?"

Why yes. Yes, I am.