The Super Bowl--It's Like the Super Bowl of Gambling

...and all the stars are laying their bets.

"When you put it on something happens"

Welcome to the Super Bowl edition of Always Be Covering. It's been one long fucking season and like my bff I've been grinding it out Joey Knish style. Well there's no time left to dick around; this weekend I plan to win enough money to cover the upcoming expense of my fantasy baseball team. That means I need to raise a few hundred bucks plus a season's worth of transaction fees (and I transact more than a Bristol coke dealer in the early 80's...you remember svelt Berman don't you?).

Every week I've been here offering guidance to the masses--don't thank me, it's a matter of noblesse oblige. Given my Kreskin-like ability to predict the outcome of NFL games you should feel entirely comfortable with your wagers. I'd post my record for the season but it's simply not necessary, this is a matter of trust. Besides, I'm way to lazy for all of that math and it's probably closer to the Washington's winning percentage than Chicago's (I'm a motherfuckin' expert!).

what to do
my wallet's gettin thin
and I just lost my watch last night
well I gotta problem
just one answer
gotta throw it all down
and kiss it goodbye

Since this is the final Sunday of the season (the Pro Bowl is far less satisfying than a good Deuce McAllister) I'm giving you winners for the point spread, two possible MVP winners, the first quarter, the over/under, and the coin flip.

Consider me the Blake to your Shelley.

Sex Cannon's +7 vs. Fetus Head's

All season long the dogs have been shitting on the favorites. The Colts just are very good but they aren't that great. There's no reason to give up a full touchdown to a team that's made to beat Indy. Case in point: the Jacksonville Jaguars. They aren't a great passing team but they beat the Colts so bad that the entire team started answering to the name Toby.

Potential Chicago MVP: Alex Brown

I fully expect Peyton Manning to shit himself at some point, Tarik can't protect his pasty ass forever.

Potential Indianapolis MVP: Jim Sorgi

See above.

OVER 48 Points

Both teams can put points on the board with their offenses. Then there's the absolute stone cold guarantee of defensive and/or special teams touchdowns. At the very least I expect to be thoroughly entertained--as opposed to almost every other time I watch CBS. Jim Nantz, a tradition like no other.

Chicago +.5 EVEN First Quarter

I'm not sure what everyone's thinking on this. Chicago can get off to a hot start just as easily as Indy and they have the benefit of the half point and a better payout (Indy is -.5 -130...that means it costs an extra $30 to win $100 dumbass).

Coin Flip Indy

Dungy prays harder.

We'll be around throughout tonights game, feel free to loiter.