Saturday, February 10, 2007

College Basketball on KSK? What the Hell

Well it's officially the off-season and since I didn't watch the Pro Bowl I got a chance to watch a fair amount of ESPN's college basketball bukkake (I still can't believe they called it that). Here are some of the day's results along with my thoughts. If you hate college basketball (or me) you might want to just scroll down, feel free to check out the archives. Last season's team previews are quite entertaining.

Those kids sure love their gangs.

West Virginia 70 - 65 UCLA

In the monster upset of the day the mountain dwellers get their fleeting revenge on the evil Hollywood Jews ruining the country. Morons...Jordan Farmar plays for the Lakers now.

(6)Pitt 74 - 68 Providence Friars sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts

Aaron Gray had another dominant performance, some late lottery team is gonna be awful disappointed this time next year. Then again I've been doubting the big non-jumping whitey for years. I thought he'd be a fucking disaster when I read about his recruitment on my laptop during some a for some class I barely passed. I kinda miss that place-except--or not (Merton Hanks didn't even play for the Steelers).

Wright State 77 - 64 Butler

A thrilling display of why Butler probably shouldn't be in the top ten.

Shrooms 2 - 0 Gonzaga

That's gotta hurt. Gonzaga just lost arguably their best player Josh Heytvelt (and some redshirt) indefinitely after they got busted with pot and shrooms in the car. If I were a college student in Spokane I'd probably be shrooming. Hell I did it in the front row of the opening game of Peterson Events Center. That was an interesting experience--I was not counting on the lasers.

(13)Air force 60 - 51 New Mexico

Air Force was dropping bombs all over New Mexico. In other news, there was a basketball game.

(23)Georgetown 76 - 58 (12)Marquette

Georgetown wins thus ensuring even higher levels of public drunkenness at the pizza place around the corner.

And a big thanks has to go out to ESPN for actually filming ONE of today's games in HD. Too bad it's the Florida/Kentucky showdown that's going on currently. It's a great game but the HD broadcast is being thoroughly ruined by the assholes in Kentucky wearing all white; the glare is really getting to me. This further proves the theory that Kentucky fans are pigfuckers; Punter has video of Ashley Judd fucking Babe.

Good luck enjoying your first Sunday of the off-season, feel free to let us now exactly how gay you find college basketball in the comments (I told you not to stop reading!).


Signal to Noise said...

I got no problem with the only HD game being Florida-UK. Anytime we see Erin Andrews in hi-def is a plus.

I have a friend from high school who went to Gonzaga -- he's just surprised Heytvelt was dumb enough to get caught and didn't check all aspects of the car that could have been pulled over for violations.

Unsilent Majority said...

The video of Erin as a cheerleader/dance team girl makes up for everything.

Grimey said...

Hey Unsilent, your boy Sean Taylor should find himself a safehouse or a relative close by, because he's probably wanted for murder.

Go Gators.

Gentlewhoadie Apt One said...

Wait, this isn't an ignorant-assed interview. What site is this?

wflcannon said...

1) WVU was what--a 2.5-pt. home dog against a Collison-less UCLA? Not exactly a monumental upset.
2) Any links to Erin performing? God, she's NASTY (the good "nasty," as opposed to the "nasty" Rachel personifies).
3) Did my shrooms in Eau Claire, Wis., where buds lived right across from the multi-colored civic water display. (Not as good, though, as watching "The Music Man" --the good one, w/ Robert Preston--on Vitamin A.)

San_Erino said...

Fucking idiot Jesuits. Now all the alma mater has is a ginger (Pendergraft), a Tom Hanks extra in Philadelphia (Raivio), and a retarded-looking white guy who can't hit a shot inside three feet (Mallon).

I predict an Elite 8 and Mr. Raivio a Lottery Pick.

/NBA GMs could do worse than Derek
//Dickau, Stepp, Turiaf anyone?
///John Stockton=awesome
//Awesome=Jason Bay
/Finsh at least .500, fucking Pirates

Jez said...

I wouldn't mind college basketball so much if Iowa State would win a fucking game once in a while. Hilton Magic - feh!

MCPO Airdale said...

The Pro Bowl is so bad that I'm actually considering watching Arena Football!

Communist Dan said...

It seems the pic you posted of the three future felons and the heritage denying Frenchman was taken shortly after Matt Simms rolled up one of his patented cigaweeds (If you look real close, you can see freshly exhaled smoke).

swing4 said...


Sorry, kneejerk reaction...

Eric Stratton said...

Ooh, good eye, Commie. Basketball players who get high? What is the world coming to?

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Next thing you know they'll find out that some college basketball players have kids! With women they're not married to! Boy, I hope that doesn't happen, that would suck!

Unknown said...

God I hate Basketball. As I'm Canadian I'll be watching nothing but hockey , and the occasional rugby leading up to the world cup. Yes thats right contact sports. Maybe you 'football fans' have heard of such things

Unsilent Majority said...

that's not smoke it's glare from the camera. if it was smoke i doubt the university of florida would be publishing it.

Communist Dan said...

1. UF already posted a pic with four of its team members flashing gang signs, so what's a little cannabis smoke to ruin such a heartwarming moment? How else can such a school expect to recruit the finest from Texas and Ohio high schools?

2. Why are Noah's pants unzipped?

3. Stukehrig: Saturday is a rugby day.

Tortfeasor said...

"Why are Noah's pants unzipped?"

The same reason Brewer's eyes are jizzed shut.

Otto Man said...

I'm strongly in favor of college hoops coverage here.

For one thing, it'll help paper over my feelings of loss and emptiness now that the NFL has left $50 on my dresser and walked out the door. (Call me, Roger!)

For another, I can't find other folks who serve up the snark on that subject as well as you all do. NBX has some mildly retarded Duke fan who does their college coverage, and it's the saddest fucking thing I've ever read.

And finally, you boys are going to get bored as hell covering the NFLPA Meeting on Merchandise Licensing and Promotional Goods. Might as well moonlight on college hoops.

I looked over the TV ratings for last year, and they got better and better in February and then reached a frenzy in March. If these trends continue, you could ride college hoops all the way to September!

Unsilent Majority said...

communist, those aren't really gang signs, that was a joke.

Unsilent Majority said...

unless they actually started a class of '04 gang for some odd reason.

Uncle JR said...

They're obviously wrestling fans and are flashing the sign for the 4 Horsemen from the old WCW days.

Otto Man said...

Those aren't gang signs? Does that mean they're not really the Van Buren Boys?

Communist Dan said...

They're the James Madison boys, arch rivals of the Van Buren Boys. It looks like the second from the left missed the memo on the proper way to throw the sign that represents da crew. Now to prove himself, he's going to have to steal the purse of the next woman that walks by him on the street. If only he didn't want to be a city planner...

Gus Van Rant said...

Kentucky fans kick ass...but our team this year doesn't.

MoonshineMike said...

You forgot duke eating Terrapin Choad for the world to see yesterday.

So the Terps can go out and lose to Miami.

Shroom tea is the best breakfast you can have before going to the Pentagon. You can pass every drug screen yet you are seeing the walls doing interesting patterns. Makes for a great presentation.

oh wait, forget I said that.

Anonymous said...

I'm still not sure how those gang signs translate to 'class of 2004'

Otto Man said...

I'm still not sure how those gang signs translate to 'class of 2004'

Hand on the left cupped to form a "0". Hand on the right showing four fingers. 0-4.

As in Class of '04.

Eric (Extra P.) said...

"That was an interesting experience--I was not counting on the lasers."

Ah, the old paradigm shift. For me it was looking out the window of the car and seeing a guy in a clown suit and makeup. It was simultaneously hilarious and pants-pissing terrifying.