We had our fun with this picture of Fetus Head yesterday. But reader Kevin D had an even better idea:
That'll haunt your dreams for a few years. I'd like to take a moment to ask the members of the Fark community to use your photoshopping wizardry to manipulate that original pic of Manning in the same brilliant fashion you did this picture of Tom Brady. That would make me giggle.
UPDATE: 289 is all over this.
Happy 4th of July, everyone. Sorry about that other pic from earlier.
Submissions continue to roll in from hopeful KSK readers wanting to take the final spot in our super-stud fantasy football league. Most of the applications have been entertaining, a few have been wildly perplexing and some, well, some are just plain terrifying. See for yourself...
We certainly admire this guy's, um.... anyway dude, thanks for reading. Remember, regardless of your choice of lifestyle, you have until June 30 to tell us why we should pick you.
Thanks for entertaining US for a change, you lazy fucking slackers.
via Bernie Miklasz's interview w/ Saint Louis Sports Magazine
HT: The prolific MDS of Fanhaus
OK, here's a Peter King story for you. From a long time ago. We were sitting around at an NFL meeting. We were talking about families. I was mentioning how I was trying to have a child with my wife. Peter asked if we were having problems conceiving. Honestly, we weren't, but that didn't stop him from trying to assist. He went onto to explain, in very serious and clinical detail, about how to position the woman in an ideal way to maximize the potential of the seed finding its designated target. It was incredibly impressive (and I'm not being a smart ass when I say that). He was like Vince Lombardi breaking down the power sweep. "You get a seal here, a seal here, and take it straight down the alley." Or something like that. But the scary thing is, the next time we made the attempt to conceive - well, hell, I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I was thinking of Peter King's advice.
Now, I doubt that an image of Peter King is what you want in your head at that particular moment, but believe it or not, his tips on conception apparently were effective. That's Peter: an absolute know it all. But that is also his charm. And now you are about to throw up, correct?
Aaaaaand....I'm sick
It’s tournament time, and thoughts of football are distant at best. But, if there’s one figure in basketball who perfectly embodies the football fan ethos, it is former Utah coach and ESPN analyst Rick Majerus. In a special KSK exclusive, Majerus offers you the fan some pointers about his favorite extracurricular activity.
I love basketball. Everyone knows that. But few people know that my true love is masturbating. There’s something so pure about masturbation, so self-contained. All you need is a hand, your cock, a couple free minutes, and an iron will. And, given a modicum of seclusion, you can do it anywhere! In fact, masturbating in public is easier than you think, and I’ll show you how! It’s so gratifying, and not just in a self-gratifying way. Having an orgasm in public makes you feel like you’re getting away with something, and you are! Plus, there’s always the possibility that someone is watching you, and man is that a turn-on. Here are some of my favorite public places to help myself to myself:
Public Bathroom: Okay, so this isn’t very creative. Everyone masturbates in the shitter at work. But there is some proper etiquette YOU need to be aware of. First, always jerk in the crippled stall. You get more room that way, and the crippled stall is usually farthest from the bathroom door, which gives you time should anyone walk in. If someone does walk in, you must STOP masturbating. It’s guy code. You can’t masturbate with another man present. That would make you queer. Unless you’re right at the end of your jerk, in which case feel free to have a disappointing, way-too-contained orgasm.
The Ocean: If you swim out far enough, you just look like another guy enjoying a leisurely dip in the water. But under the surface? Oh, it’s a whole different story! The trick is to find a sandbar. This way, you can masturbate without having to tread water. There’s no way I can do both! One bonus of masturbating in the ocean? No cleanup! Your seed disperses in a matter of minutes! I like watching it. I sort of feel like I'm giving back to the sea.
Car: Nothing breaks up a long road trip like busting a nut at Mile 200. But you can only masturbate on an open freeway. No traffic jam masturbating. That would be weird. And doing it in city traffic? Even weirder. No, you need a wide-open interstate if you’re gonna get the full roadie on. I like to play “Hot for Teacher” and think of the sexy video! Make sure you have tissues in the glove compartment. And please: automatic transmission drivers only!
Airplane Bathroom: “Occupado”? I’ll say! If I see a stewardess with a hemline that goes past mid-calf, I’m masturbating the second the Fasten Seat Belt sign blinks off. One problem: airplane bathrooms are small, and for big guys like me, that means maneuverability problems. Luckily, thanks to my basketball acumen, I know to keep a wide base. Beware turbulence! You may accidentally end up sticking your cock in the sanitary napkin disposal unit. And that's a turn-off.
Broadcast Booth: Tirico hates it when I do this. But sometimes you see Ashley Judd in the crowd and you do what you have to do. I managed to get Tirico to join in with me once, but that was about it. What a prude that guy is!
Department Store Fitting Room: The men’s fitting room at Bloomingdale’s is almost always barren. Plus you get the bonus of a full length mirror! I like to strip down naked, just me and “The Rick”. Again, bring tissues, or else you’ll have to use those Dockers you brought in to “try on”.
Public Park: There aren’t as many secluded woodland areas in a public park as you might think! My advice to avoid public parks and head straight for the woods. Leaning against a big tree gives you leverage, plus there are any number of leaves handy. Beware chipmunks. I learned the hard way!
Study Hall: You kids have it so easy. “Quiet time”? That’s prime jerking time! This stunt requires you to manipulate yourself through your trousers, which means you don’t ever get to touch your penis. Kinky! You really have to concentrate to make this work. Think real hard about Jenny Davenport two rows up, scoot real close to your desk, and stare at your textbook as hard you possibly can. You’ll have to fight through cramping, but it’s worth it. Also, you get no opportunity for cleanup here. So I hope you pre-masturbated before class. Otherwise, you risk the dreaded “wet spot”, plus potential “gluing” to the old Fruit of the Looms.
Health Club Steam Room: The steam gives you cover, plus the heat gets you worked up fast. If someone walks in, you can usually stop and hide your steam-on with little effort. But do be careful. I’ve passed out 5 times doing this. And there is no greater tragedy than an unfinished jerk.
On Stage At A Pep Rally: I don’t suggest this. Ralph Friedgen also tried it with poor results.
I'm sure Rick missed a few. (And I missed the Berea Public Library! Idiot!) Why not let him know in the comments after you've finished throwing up?
