Is There a Lesser of These Two Douches?

Well, who else can I root for?

What's this you're showing me?

Sharp stick in the what? Eye?

Ouf. Hmm. Does look kinda painful. Awful pointy, too. And my eye? Really? Sounds like that might hurt. Couldn't just jam it under my shoulder blade, huh? Okay, I suppose those are the rules. I do have two eyes, after all. And fuck pulling for Brady, Welkaaaaah, HGHarrison, Belicheat and Kool Aid. And fuck Marmalard, Norval, The Gigantosaur and whiny ass LT. Cromartie's kinda cool, but whatever.

[Piercing screams]

Whooo. Ahhhh. Omigodomigodomigod. That hurts like shit. But, y'know: It's not so bad, all things considered. Much better than that Chargers-Patriots shit.

Update: I was thrown out of the Patriots bar because I was the only one rooting against the Patriots. What sorry pathetic bitches you Pats fans are.

Cheaters vs. Cheater. WHO YA GOT!?

Contestants

Cheating Cheats________"The Gigantosaur"

Real Name

The New England Patriots_________Shawne Merriman

Misdeed

Reconnaissance________________'Roiding

Fetish

Voyeurism______________Rape, devouring worlds, rape. He likes rape.

Pledges to stop

Getting caught________"Lights Out" dance, eating planetessimals between planets

"Wacky Races" inspiration

Dick Dastardly________________Rock Slag

Favorite Batman villain

Whichever one dresses most slovenly, probably Killer Croc______Bane

Homestar Runner inspiration

The Cheat_______________Strong Mad

Gay song sung in the shower

"I Saw the Sign," Ace of Base __________"Interesting Drug," Morrissey

Favorite pro wrestling quote

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat." -- Jesse Ventura
------
"Sure, what harm can steroids do?" -- Chris Benoit

Finishing Move

Questioning interpretation of "rules"____________Appealing suspension

Let's hear who you got in the game of the week in the comments. Drew doesn't know yet that Greg Oden is out for the season, so feel free to toss that little nugget of info in there.