Most of you remember the bet that I conned the rest of the fellas into taking with the ladies over at, um, Ladies..., even though it doesn't seem like college basketball ended just last week. We lost, and so we had to pick a day when they could come over and get their cooties all over our shit (because girls are icky!).Tomorrow is the day we put the toilet seat down.
All we know is that Holly is sending us two posts on their behalf, and we will be running them here shortly after we receive them. We can only imagine the lascivious liberties that will be taken with subject matter, word economy, and visual imagery, but I know they've collectively spent a fair amount of time getting their work together. I honestly have no other clue of what to expect.
As a faithful (and perhaps tomorrow, fateful) reader of KSK, we are recommending you exercise one of two options:
(a) Pretend the Blogger hamster has Wednesday off, or
(b) Do your part to keep the testosterone levels healthy tomorrow and comment on what you find in this space tomorrow.
You'll not only be representing KSK tomorrow if you select option (b), you'll be be representing all men around the world. Every man that ever had to resist squeezing his secretary's ass, every man that refused to blast his load into an unconscious coed, and every man that helped build a pro football stadium with more women's restrooms than men's restrooms will turn his eyes to you, in a last bastion of hope.
You guys, those of you that choose to weather the storm, will be the men of the house tomorrow. And while we would be remiss to dictate how you wield this authority of sorts, we'd hope that those posting tomorrow would not escape the rational scrutiny and criticism that we six have come to expect of you. At no other time will your service be more appreciated, or more crucial.
Make us proud.
so I guess metioning about butt plugging is unexceptable.
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether to be excited or scared shitless..........fuck.
I have stockpiled every ridiculous and childish sexist remark that's popped into my head over the past few years. I was born for this. No amount of baking or genuine human feeling or ovulating will deter me.
ReplyDeleteI will be ready.
I'm, damn good and ready! I've got my dick in hand ready to go.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that? It's not until tomorrow?
Oh. This is awkward.
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ReplyDelete*crosses fingers* Please let them post man on man pics. Please let them post man on man pics.
ReplyDeleteNice pic, Punter. I guess we know which Idaho women's softball players you'd prefer.
ReplyDeleteI think we're going to end up being a helluva lot nicer to KSK than KSK would've been to us, had they won.
I think tomorrow calls for that curious combination of neanderthal sexism; smarmy & suggestive flirtation; swaggering, swinging-dick machismo; and the particular conflation of literary allusions, philosophical musings, and low-brow fart/dick/tit humor that women have never had a clue about.
ReplyDeleteI bringin' the A game. Virtual asses will be squeezed, tits will be gawked at, intellectual shortcomings will be mocked, and no drinks will be paid for without strict quid pro quo rules laid out in advance.
Likely comment for tomorrow:
ReplyDelete"So, you all have vaginas, right? Sweet. Like, do usually call it your vagina, your pussy, or something else--i don't mean you call it 'something else', but like, another word or words?"
Well, Awful Chief, I usually call mine "something else," so you were on the right track.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGood post, MMP.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to take this (very brief) moment before the bomb drops and we all hate each other to thank the KSK Mafia for being, really, better sports about this than anyone expected.
I, for one, welcome our labially-enabled overlords.
ReplyDelete"labially-enabled?" I swear to God, I will find a way to work that into a conversation today.
ReplyDeleteI cannot wait.
ReplyDeleteAfter the testosterone-charged, decidedly girl-unfriendly mock draft last week, we can only hope for some seriously hot pics of gorgeous blokes for our perusal tomorrow.
Do your worst (best) ladies...
I can't wait to learn to quick and easy recipes to cook for chicks who need to lose weight and handy hints on how to keep my color loads bright and shiny like they're still brand new. And how I can help girls wash off the protein loads.
ReplyDeleteit's safe to assume they will be making and bringing pie, no?
ReplyDeletePemulis, there will be punch and pie. ; )
ReplyDeleteAs long as they are blogging from the kitchen, I don't see it as a problem.
ReplyDeleteRemember ladies, when the clock on the stove reads midnight your rule is over.
@mayor mcrib: barefoot and pregnant, while doing the dishes, right? I DON'T THINK SO.
ReplyDelete"labially-enabled" is high comedy. Nice...
ReplyDeleteI think we should counter every bloke pic with a nice bikini pic or even some Maxim photos to level the estrogen-testosterone playing field.
MMP - YOU...YOU...YOU....oh nevermind.
Oh, and ESPN is finally taking a stand against Schrute-bag Cowdung.
we'd hope that those posting tomorrow would not escape the rational scrutiny and criticism that we six have come to expect of you
ReplyDeleteThe only problem here is you can't make fun of ladies being gay when they talk about wine.
@ cinnamon girl
ReplyDeleteI fear the comments will get a lot worse than that tomorrow. I'm starting to think that this whole experiment could turn into a fairly traumatic experience.
We must be strong sisters!
(Go Le Anne Schreiber! Nice work.)
Pretty Princess Panties Party! I cannot wait!
ReplyDeletebefore we even begin:
ReplyDeletemetschick: Yes
lady andrea: Yes
clare: Yes
Holly: Yes
Metschick: Yes
SA: Yes
Texas Gal: Yes
The Starter Wife: Yes
J. Money: Yes
Janie, I fear that too. Like, I should just stay away from the comment section.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAwww, gee, mdg. I'd blush if I knew how.
ReplyDelete@ladyandrea
ReplyDeleteNo way. We should fight hard, fight dirty and fight to win!
Let'em bring it on!
As I read this post, the following lines popped into mind:
ReplyDeleteIt takes 10% Luck
20% Skill
15% Concentrated power of will
5% Pleasure
50% Pain
And 100% Reason to remember the Name.
I swear, KSK, WE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN.
Are you kidding? The comments are going to be great tomorrow - completely offensive and highly entertaining. I have no doubt that the Ladies... will be able to handle it. I can't wait.
ReplyDeleteGreat, now they're going to ruin KSK like they ruined Deadspin.
ReplyDelete@ danny g
ReplyDeleteOr like they ruined the whole Eden "garden of paradise" thing.
Oh, god the next 24 hours should be delightfully offensive for all parties. God; I'm so, so happy.
MDG, you must have quite the hard-on for Metschick. You're doing her twice.
ReplyDeleteIn all fairness, it is the Metschick. Who wouldn't want her at least twice?
ReplyDeleteI do have quite the hard-on.
ReplyDeleteI was distracted when writing. All I can think of is... Imagine all the boobies.
In my head, no matter what they post , I'll envision them blogging in short skirts, stripper boots and big-ass titties.
ReplyDeleteIt's the only way I'll make it through the day.
Great, now they're going to ruin KSK like they ruined Deadspin.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that by "ruin" you mean "made awesome."
I actually have each one pictured in an outfit from the draft last week. Except Holly is wearing only the edible panties.
ReplyDeleteNo way, they'll be blogging at a slumber party. They'll disagree and pillow fight. Then one of them will get hit in the eye and start crying. Another will take off her tank top to dry her tears.
ReplyDeleteHot damn, this is going to be the best blogging ever.
It's going to be quite the festival of fisting, a fistival if you will.
Just for the record I plan on throwing around the word moist as many times as possible tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteFor tips on how to treat your substitute teachers, I refer you to Alex Balk Day at Deadspin.
ReplyDeleteclare.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that by "ruin" you mean "made awesome."
Nope, ruin was the word I was looking for.
"every man that refused to blast his load into an unconscious coed"
ReplyDeleteYes, because that's what all 'real men' aspire to - rape.
Meant as a joke or not (and from the tone of most of MMP's post, I'm guessing even if he says it was a joke he really wishes he could rape an unconscious co-ed) that's horrid.
Way to make men look even worse, jackass. And the comments around here sure aren't helping.
MDG, you have to tell us what outfit we're each wearing in your head. I'll do my best to oblige tomorrow....
ReplyDeleteCool. I can dust off my violently mysoginistic jokes.
ReplyDeleteQ: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing you haven't already told her twice.
@xtrarant
ReplyDeleteNo matter how sensitive you pretend to be none of the Ladies... will fuck you.
Who's a bigger buzzkill, Clint or xtrarant?
ReplyDeletextrarant, shouldn't you be out protesting Imus' radio station?
@ smallus dickus:
ReplyDeleteI forgot, all ladies secretly want a misogynistic asshole who dreams of raping unconscious coeds.
Maybe that's the problem - you 'pretend' while real men actually really do respect women.
Remember - when you "blasted your load" into your unconscious mother, she didn't actually like it. And she doesn't count as a girlfriend.
xtrarant, you're new here, aren't you.
ReplyDelete@xtrarant
ReplyDeleteWow. Someone's taking this shit far too seriously. Kudos on the "smallus dickus" joke though. I've seen clever plays on words, but nothing as creative as that. You strike me as the kind of guy who sees a corvette and says, "Looks like somebody's overcompensating." Maybe your friends even laugh at that shitty joke.
Now now boys - no fighting. You'll need all your testosterone to combat the enormous injection of estrogen this site will receive tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteSigh...no wonder we're always having wars. If only women ran the country...
Good afternoon. In less than 24 hours, male commenters from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the most important commenting battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 10th of April, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from cooties. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the 11th of April will no longer be known as an irrelevant Wednesday, but as the day the men declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Tomorrow we celebrate our misogyny!
ReplyDeleteNicely done, Ryan.
ReplyDeleteClothes, hmm, let's see:
ReplyDeleteLady Andrea - The sexy business suit (you know a lawyer and all). She's the only one I've seen a picture of.
Metschick - nothing but a David Wright shirt
Texas gal - Cowboy cheerleading outfit
Holly - umm, don't know much about Holly, so help me out.
TSW - A Debra Messing style outfit
Clare - see Holly
Ladies, please have some standards. No belly shots of BDD.
can't wait for the caveman like comments tomorrow.
WV - uriin - What the ladies will do to KSK tomorrow.
Sigh...no wonder we're always having wars. If only women ran the country..
ReplyDeleteNagging is not diplomacy
All your boobies belong to us.
ReplyDeleteA. Ryan, thanks for making the joke I wasn't allowed to make.
ReplyDeleteB. I actually have each one pictured in an outfit from the draft last week. Except Holly is wearing only the edible panties.
Why, hello, sailor.
We don't nag. We just persuade and remind forcefully, repeatedly and often.
ReplyDelete@MDG - "Just for the record I plan on throwing around the word moist as many times as possible tomorrow."
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya buddy. Stay strong Men, stay strong. We'll survive. Ya never know, they just might surprise us. I have a feeling that these women are just as naughty, dirty, and horny as the rest of you - as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure most of them ladies would eat at least half of us guys for lunch and want thirds.
Is the word cunt allowed tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteIs the word cunt allowed tomorrow?
ReplyDeleteThat's so much worse than moist.
...but I have a feeling anything goes tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHey I just asked....
ReplyDeleteSo is "moist cunt" way out of bounds?
ReplyDeleteI also want to go on record as saying that I'm pro dirty, naughty and horny. Also, sapphic. In case you Ladies... were wondering what to center your posts around tomorrow.
Also, sapphic.
ReplyDeleteI would venture to say it will be the opposite
The comments tomorrow will get you so moist that you'll need a drip pan on your computer chair.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI would venture to say it will be the opposite
Clearly, you've never seen one of our tickle fight threads.
It is amazing how having a daughter whom I love and adore makes it very hard to jump on this bandwagon.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, welcome our labially enabled overlords pro tempore.
Devang, we don't feel confined to ogle just men or women.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteenormous injection of estrogen
ReplyDeleteThat imagery couldn't have been by accident........
Actually "moist cunt" sounds quite nice. Weird that. And I'm all for sapphic, but only on the weekends.
ReplyDelete@billy
Thank you for pointing out my penis envy. I'm so transparent.
If there are tickle fights and moist cunts I can totally get behind this takeover.
ReplyDeleteClearly, you've never seen one of our tickle fight threads.
ReplyDeleteI guess not. Although my curiosity, amongst other things has been aroused and will be checking into the ladies place regularly.
If there are tickle fights and moist cunts I can totally get behind this takeover.
ReplyDelete...or on top
...or under
...or sideways
fixed.
@ otto man
ReplyDeleteIt's "are belong to us." All your boobies are belong to us. For fuck's sake.
/nerd
Oh crap. After having perused the comments from that past few hours, especially the Pullman speech, I'm beginning to worry that we're blowing our wad too early...
ReplyDeleteThe nice thing about wads is that there's always another one coming. Punintentional.
ReplyDeleteOh wow. Excited just thinking about the possibility for commenting malfeasance.
ReplyDeleteWe salute you, Ladies...and you know damn well why I'm using "we."
@David
ReplyDeleteYour lack of faith is disappointing, but I have a feeling tomorrow will give us plenty of chances to blow multiple wads.
I totally have a Cowboys cheerleading outfit. And since I'm taking the day off of work tomorrow, I will plan to wear it for at least part of the day.
ReplyDeleteDoes that help?
It doesn't hurt, texas gal.
ReplyDelete@texas gal
ReplyDeleteI've never been a bigger Texas fan than I am right now. And by I... you know what I mean.
@texas gal: we can get with that.
ReplyDeleteAnything to help the cause, boys.
ReplyDeleteJust so we understand each other. I respect all of you ladies.
ReplyDeleteBut instead of punching all these buttons on the keyboard you would be better served punching in some numbers on the microwave to make me some dinner. Salisbury steak sounds good right about now.
Please don't take me seriously.
Josh, thanks for the correction. You outed yourself as a nerd in the defense of accuracy. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteIf only women ran the country...
ReplyDeleteThen we would all be looking over our shoulders for the woman who was looking to destroy us all...and take us away from our girlfriends/wives because we're just some sweet man-candy.
Man: Wow, your girlfriend sure is nice. I need to find a woman just like her.
Woman: Wow, your boyfried sure is nice. I need to have him for myself.
That Chris Rock sure is a prophet.
This is like in Deep Impact where they see the meteor coming, but they can't do anything. They just....wait.
ReplyDelete