So why can't the NFL get in on the fun? As Uncle Shlomo has taught us, nicknames make everything better. Considering the modern trend of selling stadium naming rights to some piece of shit corporation nobody needs a good pseudonym like an NFL stadium. Here are a few ideas to get things started (note: some stadiums already have nicknames but they invariably suck).
Lambeau Field- "The Frozen Tundra" had a nice run thanks to the greatness of NFL Films but it's due for an update. I'm thinking Witch's Tit, it's cold as a bitch and Bill Simmons could suckle at it all day.
University of Phoenix Stadium- I know what you're thinking, it rolls off the tongue like a proposition from Matt Leinart. With the "Pink Taco" idea is already off the board we have to go to the next best option. So we've got a giant futuristic building that's been erected in the middle of the Arizona desert. I give you, Bio-Dome.
Hubert Humphrey Metrodome- The original Triple H still means a lot to the people of Minnesota and I just don't get it. If he was such an advocate of civil rights then what's with the roof design? I dub thee Fuhrer's Flower.
FedEx Field- The biggest stadium in the league belongs to one of the league's most diminutive owners. From here on out it should be known as Overcompensation.
McAfee Colesium- I love the idea of the dirtiest fans in America occupying in a building named for a virus blocker. So all you residents of the Black Hole have a new home, Quarantine. It's just what I'd like to do with all the country's Raider fans. You just know they're contagious.
Heinz Field- They call it the "Ketchup Bottle" because there's a big ketchup bottle on one of the scoreboards. Real creative you fuckin' yinzers! I prefer Mustard Gas, if you don't understand just grab a bright yellow seat behind a fat guy eating a Roethlisberger.
M&T Bank Stadium- I've always called it Grimace because it's big, purple, and totally gay. It's also named for the face I make whenever I'm within smelling distance of Baltimore.
Giants Stadium- This one's easy, the place is a fucking dump. I give you, Compost.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Ford Field:
ReplyDeleteThe Junkyard, where players and coaches come to break down and die
Dolphins Stadium = Flaming Bag of Poo
ReplyDeleteMile High will now be called the Gallery; it is full of choke artists.
ReplyDeleteIn honor of the Eagles fans, I think we should christen Lincoln Field "the Vibrator." It's full of D-cell batteries and opposing players will get fucked by them.
ReplyDeleteBuffalo - Prozac Field
ReplyDeleteFoxbourough will go from The Razor to the Brazier
ReplyDeleteWith all those manboobs, it just makes sense.
FedEx Field - Overcompensation
ReplyDeleteI think this is the name of their top secret free agency strategy. To avoid confusion we should just call it "Small Penis Stadium".
FedEx Field - Overcompensation
ReplyDeleteBlasphemy
H.H.H. Metrodome- aka my favorite place to puke and rally
ReplyDeleteCleveland Browns Stadium- The Toilet Bowl..Where talent young and old goes down the shitter
ReplyDeleteCleveland - The Toilet Bowl.
ReplyDeleteCorrected.
@Devang...ummmm, maybe, no, not maybe, fa sha, I'm an iddiot. What was corrected?
ReplyDeleteLP Field (Titans) - Ghost Den. Its where you go when Pac-Man kills you.
ReplyDeleteGeorgia Dome (Falcons): Freaknic - Explaination not necessary
ReplyDelete@wormfather -
ReplyDeleteHe said CLEVELAND was a toilet bowl, not JUST the stadium.
Call me when they decide to play a baseball game there. Fuckin' pussies.
Yankee Stadium: The Baseball Press Sucks Derek Jeter's Cock Field.
ReplyDelete(I know it's not subtle; then again, neither is the baseball press when it comes to fellating Jee-tuh.)
WV: fellf
arizona stadium: the thing that we think it is (too obvious/ not funny?)
ReplyDeletesoldier field: sex cannon field.
rca dome: peyton's love hut.
Qwest Field - since it's always fucking raining in Seattle, how about "The Moist Rug."
ReplyDeleteMonster Park - Pussy-ass fans. Soft team as of late. New field called, Merlot and Brie Stadium.
cincinnatti - from Paul Brown Stadium to "The Halfway House"
ReplyDeleteRFK - "The Cock Ring"
ReplyDeleteBusch Stadium - "The Fat Fuck Fart Factory"
ReplyDeleteWhere all the fans are fat farting fucks.
The Gallery is inspired, liquid_d, but I've always been partial to calling that piece of crap Invesco Field "the Diaphragm" -- the top looks like one of those "female condoms" they showed you in health class.
ReplyDeleteHey dont pick on us raider fans ok...pick on my team all you want. You make me angry and I'll start rooting for your team just so I can point and laugh at how much they start sucking.
ReplyDeleteI'm a Skins fan, it's a bit late for that now isn't it!
ReplyDeleteWhen did Gregg Easterbrook start writing here? Did he back Imus?
ReplyDelete