Friday, February 9, 2007

America's Most Blunted--They Grow Up So Fast


...nominated for the best rolled L's
And they wondered how he dealt with stress so well
Wild guess? You could say he stay sedated
Some say buddha'd, some say faded

Some times drug use isn't funny...typically when heroin is involved. That's why we're steering clear of the mess involving Andy Reid's family, some things just aren't ripe for mockery. Reid's got a lot on his plate right now...no, joking would be wrong, let's just move on.

How about a round of applause for the Simms men? Yeah Phil's not the best in the business but compared to Bill Maas he's a fucking wunderkind. Then there's Chris with his measty toughness and his compulsion to validate his man-love in the most permanent of fashions. That right there is a pretty solid NFL Father/Son combo, plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings.

More recently we've seen the emergence of another one of the Simms clan. Matt, the baby of the family, is a quarterback heading to Louisville. You might remember him for acting like a total douchebag in a high school football game. It was starting to look as if the Simms family had found its black sheep, somebody who offers nothing in the form of entertainment. Well shit done changed and I have a new favorite Simms.



Look at those hands.

Look closer.

Look at that cocktail napkin.

Look closer.




Mmmm...that looks like it's gonna make one hell of a tasty blunt. And as everybody knows, it's not a party unless you've got your Goose on.

Matt Simms, we salute you...unless you're just breaking up weed for the black dude to twist, in which case you're still a bitch. You gotta be self-reliant if you're going to college.

34 comments:

  1. The funniest thing is nobody was sitting by him until he reached into his lovely blue purse located behind him and pulled out the flavored shell and $25 bag of eight for all to enjoy.

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  2. Check the ridges, that bad boy was cut open like Chris after Carolina got done with him.

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  3. Yeah, looks small too. I'm gonna say his L game is substandard at best. Still, gotta respect the effort. Rolling blunts separates the men from the boys. That, and pubes. But I'm not sure he has those.

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  4. You can't knock him too much, the kid's only in high school. I'm sure we can expect Rex-level acts of deviance when our young hero gets on campus. The best part of this photo is the presense of that fierce blue purse when there are no females to be seen. On loan from Chris?

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  5. Ahhh...Madvillain.

    Matt Simms will be boozing at Churchill Downs and sneaking blunts into the club level in no time.

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  6. There's only so much time left in this crazy world... he's just crumblin' 'erb... he's just crumblin' 'erb....

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  7. Matt Simms, you got some 'spleenin to do!

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  8. Simms SHOULD have had daughters? Did you say Chris Simms was tough? Brett Favre would have had his spleen removed and been back on the field the next week.

    Gradkowski's still the better QB.

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  9. UM, Did you stay up all night just to get that time stamp? Funny guy.

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  10. oh come on, little Matt was just trying to prepare himself for life with his new rommate at Loisville.

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  11. Carter: That's cigaweed!
    Cigaweed Man: Well it looked like a cigarette...
    Carter: You better have glaucoma.
    Cigaweed Man: I do.

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  12. Good call, Undead. I missed that.

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  13. Like I said... thats gotta be a Philly.

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  14. I expect him to be a great qb--blunt rollers are natural leaders. Rolling a blunt is not something that most smokers even attempt, especially at that age. He probably entered high school rolling at a 12th grade level...fucking prodigy.

    Is that a Ma$e shirt that guy is wearing?

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  15. judging by the size i'm starting to think it's a swisher.

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  16. Look at my button down striped shirt! Fucking look at it!

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  17. Posted at 4:20 AM. Well done, sir.

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  18. The biggest crime commented in that photo was that he thought those all white tennis shoes looked cool. Well at least they match his skin tone.

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  19. "Shmokin weed shmokin weed, drinkin beers doin coke...."

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  20. You think Baby Simms calls out "puff, puff, give" instead of "hut, hut, hike" at the line?

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  21. Damn that kid has game...can he roll me one?

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  22. downtown brown huh? last i checked, the weed i smoked was GREEN... either that is tobacco or he dosent have the $$ to step up for some decent buds... SIMMS, CALL ME I CAN HOOK YOU UP!!!

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  23. I agree with BDH. spring for something better than the imported crap.

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  24. i think it's green you it's just not all that clear with the brown blunt paper as a backdrop.

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  25. I had a table five feet away from the Simms clan at this party (Mark Wahlberg's Super Bowl Bash on Friday) and that doob smelled like Chris's flaming vag when they sparked it up.

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  26. That's some nice Charles ROgers brick weed.

    http://ghostsofwaynefontes.blogspot.com/

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  27. Nate Newton thinks Simms is a pussy

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  28. plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings

    Don't they have twice as many?

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  29. His face looks sooo punchable.

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  30. noyam- only if you count the Hostetler game.

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  31. Nice to see KSK upping the THC content so dramatically this past week.

    A few more posts like this and we'll be doing the Red-Eyed Wander at work. Well done.

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  32. UM: plus they've got as many titles as all three Mannings

    noyam: Don't they have twice as many?

    UM: only if you count the Hostetler game.

    touche salesman

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  33. I almost feel like crediting 'lil Matty with some cool points, but I can just imagine his gay ass saying "hey, I'm the fucking QB, I get the first shotgun" every time he rolls a blunt.

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