Jones: Ooooh, look at you! You're the fattest thing I've ever seen! You'd be way more fun to push around than Turner!
Wade: Stop poking me.
Jones: C'mon, tubby! Dance like a fat man!
Wade: Maybe this was a bad idea.
Jones: Get on your knees! I'm gonna ride around on you like a big fat pony!
Wade: Oh, all right.
Jones: Now say, "I love bacon!"
Wade: I love bacon.
Jones: No! Say it like a fatty! You fatty fat fat fat!
Wade: I love bacon!
Jones: Who's a fatty boombalatty? Is it you?
Wade: I guess.
Jones: Tee hee hee! You're so fat! Now smush your titties together and lick 'em!
Wade: Shit. I could've stayed in La Jolla.
Jones: I will never get tired of this!
Now THAT'S dialogue!
ReplyDeleteHe's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I won't be sleeping tonight.
ReplyDeleteSQUEAL LIKE A PIG, BOY!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't Jerry have done this with the previous coach?
ReplyDeleteWell I guess we know why Parcells quit
ReplyDeleteif he gets up to 300 lbs., maybe he can get on disability benefit -- like in that Simpsons episdoe -- and coach from home.
ReplyDeleteGood lord Drew. All I can say is that I'm disappointed there was no shower in lard involved.
ReplyDeleteWho has bigger tits, Parcels or Phillips?
ReplyDeleteWho has bigger tits, Parcels or Phillips?
ReplyDeleteParcells, but Phillips are nicer.
What the fuck is up with his eyes?
ReplyDeleteThats some weird shit.
if he gets up to 300 lbs., maybe he can get on disability benefit
ReplyDeleteI wish I had my coaching broom!
You're Not Like Norv. You're Fatter
ReplyDeleteAfter reading that, it had to be a Drew post.
"Get on your knees! I'm gonna ride around on you like a big fat pony!"
Why can I hear that line in my head as if Walker and Texas Ranger said it? Does that make me a redneck?
I never noticed that about his eyes. Sheesh. Maybe he is from the back woods somewhere.
Lord help us this year.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Holy Jesus! What is that? What the fuck is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
ReplyDeletePrivate Gomer Pyle: Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: A jelly doughnut?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How did it get here?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, I took it from the mess hall, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Are you allowed to eat jelly doughnuts, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: And why not, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then why did you try to sneak a jelly doughnut in your foot locker, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, because I was hungry, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Because you were hungry...
[turns and addresses rest of platoon]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Pyle has dishonored himself and dishonored his platoon. I have tried to help him. But I have failed. I have failed because YOU have not helped me. YOU people, have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation! So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU! And the way I see it ladies, you owe me for ONE JELLY DOUGHNUT! NOW, GET DOWN ON YOUR FACES!
Of course he's from the back woods...he's a Texan. Not to mention his father is Bum.
ReplyDeleteAs an Eagles fan, I applaud Jones' decision to hire another "winner" to coach the Cryboys.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you didn't have Jerry demand Wade get greased up so Jerry could chase him around Texas Stadium.
ReplyDeleteWhat are the odds that Jerry asked if he could motorboat?
I remember Bum from back in the day coaching the Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints with that big ass Cowboy hat on.
ReplyDeleteHooston Oil-ers, Hooston Oil-ers, Hooston Oilers #1... LOL
I used to think Bum Phillips and Tex Schramm were the same person, but that's probably because all Texans look alike.
Did Wade get Botox and breast augmentation? Or is that photo airbrushed?
ReplyDeleteMy only question (so far), is who photo-shopped out the number he should be holding under his chin?
ReplyDeleteBut I LIKE the stairs!
ReplyDeleteWhen did Bum's kid have a stroke...? His left eye is like 3 inches lower than his right eye!
ReplyDeleteEven Stuart Scott is scared by it!
I don't know why no one seems to bring this up, but fat coaches are in quite a slump when it comes to winning Super Bowls. Maybe if we could change the tradition gatoraide bath to some sort of gravy, Andy Reid would have the proper motivation to finally bring Philly a championship.
ReplyDeleteWhy is his chin off center?
ReplyDelete+1 Becky. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
ReplyDeletesteagles, i can't decide if that mental image is hilarious or gross. At any rate, good one!
ReplyDeleteWV:ssqhz (just like JJ is doing to Wade's titties!)
I am pretty damn sure I just found my husband's Valentine's Day present.
ReplyDeleteIt is YOUR blog. Or at least this particular post.
I have to stop reading. I am scaring the pets.
Thank you. Now come walk my damn dog. ;D