If You’re Looking For Intercourse Under $300, You’ve Found The Right Man

Oh, hello there. Please, please. Come on in. Can I have Michelle take your coat? MICHELLE! Take this man’s coat, will you?

(girl wearing a beige body stocking takes your coat and smiles at you)

Can I have Leanna pour you a drink? Some port, perhaps? Excellent.

(pours you a glass of port)

Would you mind if I also partake? Oh, very well then!

(pours himself a glass of port)

Cheers to you, my new friend. Mmmm. Very nice. Very tawny. There’s a whole wildberry essence to it… very good. Well, let’s take a seat, shall we?

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Please, put that money away. You’ll present money to one of the ladies. We don’t handle it out in the open here. It’s very uncouth. Let us instead simply toast to a fine evening. Let us share a brief moment of civility. How are you? Are you feeling well? Are you a police officer?

No? Good. Did you know officers, by law, have to answer that last question honestly? Isn’t that interesting? Now, if you don’t mind, I need to have Tiny here pat you down. TINY!


(Tiny pats you down)

Well, that’s a relief! Now, let’s discuss some specifics. I understand you’re looking for intercourse, is that correct?

(You nod.)

Good! Because if you’re looking for intercourse under $300, you’ve found the right man. I offer premium quality at reasonable prices. And I am a stickler for customer service. We have evaluation forms you can fill out at the end of your session. Now, a couple of basic rules:

-You must pay your girl prior to the beginning of your session
-You must use a condom. We will provide them. We have flavored ones available upon request.
-You must take off your shoes before entering the room.
-Some girls do anal. Some do not. You must ask. No surprise visits, please.
-You will not receive a receipt.
-All sessions are audiotaped for quality assurance.
-No rough stuff.

Remember, these are ladies. Please treat them with the same respect you would treat your own mother when you ejaculate on their faces. Do you have any problem with any of these rules?

(You shake your head.)

Good. Tiny will be in the adjacent suite, lest things get too out-of-hand. But you don’t strike me as the unruly sort. Now. Let’s bring out the girls, shall we? GIRLS!


Chanel: I’m Chanel.

Chanel is very, very popular with our regulars. She’s very quick to pick up on what you like and what you don’t. She’s also works the shaft very well during blowjobs. Take it from me! I only ask that you not pull her hair, because it will come off if you do that.


Yvette: I’m Yvette.

Yvette comes to us from Taiwan. Very exotic. Very good with oils and lubricants. What she doesn’t know in English, she really makes up for with her enthusiasm for new and adventurous things, like a blowing you while riding a sybian machine.


Nene: I’m Nene.

Ah, Nene! One of our favorites. She hails from St. Thomas. Customers have been very quick to praise her ability to put them at ease. She’s very playful, Very friendly. Unless you don’t want her to be. She can get really nasty and tear your dick off if you want. But mostly, she’s very sunny.


Sasha: I’m Sasha.

Everyone always picks Sasha. Dunno why. Unfortunately, she’s booked until 2014. I’m sorry. She’s very in demand.

So anyway, there are your choices. Personally, I don’t think you can go wrong. I can personally attest to the fact that these women all have premium grade genitalia. No scarring or flappy lips of any kind. Only two of them have had children. So that’s very good.

So, who’s it gonna be?

(You think.)

Tough to decide, isn’t it? Well, take your time. No need to be hasty. Let us enjoy this port a little more.

The port is $50, by the way.