46 States Ratify Favre Amendment

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- 46 states, more than the necessary two-thirds three-fourths, today ratified the 28th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, known as the Favre Amendment, the first such change to the nation's founding document in 15 years.

The amendment requires all working quarterbacks in the United States to be more rugged and rascally, with a twinkle in each eye and a song in their hearts. It also establishes throwing a shovel pass across the field off your back foot to an opposing linebacker as the national "football move." Furthermore, it designates Kiln, Miss. as a National Historic Landmark for Quarterbacking, rather than for general squalor.

With the amendment's passing, Tom Brady, Carson Palmer, the Manning brothers, David Carr, Kurt Warner, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, Derek Anderson, Jason Campbell, Damon Huard, David Garrard, Kelly Holcomb, Brian Griese, Jeff Garcia, Marc Bulger, Matt Hasselbeck, Brady Quinn, Byron Leftwich, Alex Smith, Jay Cutler, Joey Harrington, Trent Green, Chad Pennington and Trent Edwards- all deemed insufficiently rascally- will be forceably relocated to the Canadian Football League.

Tony Romo, Donovan McNabb, Vince Young, Rex Grossman, Jon Kitna, Steve McNair, Ben Roethlisberger and Daunte Culpepper will be allowed to remain in the country, provided they grow some more stubble on their faces.

"I'd really like it if we could refer to the Favre Amendment as the Fourth Amendment," President Bush said during a press conference, the duration of which he held aloft four fingers. "I already disregard the Fourth Amendment that's in place, so it just makes more sense that way."

Reached at a Packers training facility in Green Bay, Favre was effusive.

"Aw, gosh. It feels great. The Constitution has always been a hero of mine. To be mentioned in the same breath as unapportioned federal taxes on income and other guys really makes it special. I tell ya, I just try to get up and, day in and day out, do what it is that I can to help my team. And now everyone else has to, on minimum penalty of three to five years in a federal prison."