Hines Ward Reviews "The Fortune Cookie Chronicles"

Foll numbell one week of Malch, I wark thlew Balnes and Noberr to find Koleean newspapels foll photos of me in inaugulation and stumberr upon histolee book of Chinese food by New York Times reportell Jennifell 8. Rhee.

Yes, reportell midder name is numberr eight, rike numberr eight egg drop soup, so she perfect foll write book. Numberr eight supposed to mean plospellity in Chinese but where I come flom it mean Tommy Maddox. No smirre, asswhore.

Book give intellesting fact rike fortune cookie acterry come from Japan. Japan think of evleething, rike massive lape of Chinese and Koleean peeperr. How they do it?

Book arso say is more Chinese food prace than McDonarrd, Bulgel Kings, and Kentucky Flied Chicken combined in United State. How can be? I go thlough Pittsbulgh and and peeper onree eat sausage and chicken gristerr. I think book terr big rye on that one.

But why onree Chinese though? Koleean food no impoltant? I make kim chi make you smirre foll week and week. Made kim chi othel day and chalge Ben Rongrastname $18 mirrion dorrars foll it. And he pay! So sterrpid.

In concrusion, "Fortune Cookie Chlonicre" in rittle fantastic, not really supel. Have to leed second book after 30 minute. Can onree give Miss. Eight shree smirre.

A Return to His Hinesland

Hines Ward: Is gleat, gleat honol to leeturn to South Koleea for inaugulation of super fantastic head of govelment foll rife, Ree Myung-bak. Me shower you with etelnity of smirre and good foltune. Wish you many year plospelity and toterr victolee in batter against enemy. Sterrpid enemy.

Lee Myung-bak: Yes, yes, Thank you, Hines.

We must move from the age of ideology into the age of pragmatism. At times over the last 10 years, we found ourselves faltering and confused, but now, we will take with us our achievements as well as the lessons we learned from our failures and start anew. At the juncture when we are beginning another 60 years of the Republic, I hereby declare the year 2008 as the starting year for the advancement of the Republic of Korea.

Hines: Errrrrr. Why you no terr me inaugulation so bowling? If I want risten to bowling speech, I ask Tloy Perramaroo about Jesus. Rong hair equal rong speech.

We have songtime foll gleat joyous occasion!

[Singing along] Foll werr you know that it's a ferr who prays it cerr while making his wolrd a rittle corder. NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH-NAH NAH NAH

I feer rike me in Loyal Tenebaums now!

Lee Myung-bak: That's wonderful, Hines.

I would also like to take this moment to acknowledge our honored guest, the United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.


Based on the deep mutual trust that exists between the two peoples, it is in our best interest to strengthen our strategic alliance with the United States. Once North Korea abandons its nuclear program and chooses the path to openness, we will provide assistance so that we can raise the per capita income of North Korea to US$3,000 within 10 years.

Hines: Rongfilstname Lice? Me thought Hines was guest of specerr honol! Such betlayar nevel befole seen!

Arways feer gleat affinity foll South Koleea. Arways rook at frag with deep plide.


Wait, rooking now at frag, understanding is come to me. The ying and yang symborize derricate barance between smirre and no smirre. Such is the barance between myserf and Secletely Lice.

Foll gleat wisdom, Plesident Myung-bak!

Wild Tigers Hines Has Known

In day past, I no want watch Plo Bewrr with sterrpid Ben Rongrastname flowing barrs to T.J. Rongrastname. Ben take wiff him arr rhinemen to Plo Bewr but they no brock for him arr season and he have high numbel sack. But no take leceivel? I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts.

I spend day looking at animerr in zoo to leerax. Foll some lesion, animerr not in smirre mood. Maybe because Tom Brady was made terr reave foll teasing monkeys.

What matter, Ryan? You all selious cat arr the time! I thought Ryan king of jungerr. Or numbel shree team in NFC North. You finish more high than Berrrs. You make smirre now! Prease!

What is with animerr today? Monkey is s'posed to be jubirrant and prayferr. You rook rike you contemprating gleat mystelies of rife. Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre.

Why rong face, Misser Errepants? Harr. I make fun for you! No rhett chain of opplession bling you down. At reast ivory deerer no interested in you.

Arr light! I rike you, Misser Birry Goat. You have the spilit to rift me out of dordlums. Rest of animerr need be rike you. We be friend before Kyerr Olton stearr youl neck beald.

I give you smirre in leeturn!


Zookeeper: Hey! Help! Security! One of the billy goats has gotten loose!

Hines: No. I think you in mistake! Prease leemove hands flom me. Where you take me?

Herrrp!

Hines Ward Reviews the Super Bowl Ads

Foll 42 Supel Bowr, I was no praying, so I sit at home to watch for commelciarr while frowing locks at pictules of Ben Rongrastname. You want tarr leceivel? Eat lock, sterrrpid!

This time ads just okay, not leery super fantastic. But some make smirre. I tell for you!

I rike this one okay. Encoulage peeperr to have creen crowes, patlonize my laundlee prace. You have ticket?

I give it shree smirre.

Commelciar numbel terr:

I leery confricted about this one. It make raff but giant piddin is scalee. Also fly around my prace and nevel reave. Prease reave, piddin.

I give onree terr smirre.

Commelciar numbel shree:

I can no bereave this. It so lacist! Because panda is Asian he have to have funny accent? I so Ang Lee! Panda in movie theatel who does kung fu and terr me to sirence cerr phone is voiced by Jack Brack! That super okay! But this one offenses me!

It suckasuckasuckasuckasuckasuckasucka.

This ad suck to me.

I give no smirre.

You Not So Tough, Jaglar

Me not so implessed by your rong sclamble, Sirky Gallald. I eat bigger cat than you.

Me has more heart than your whole team or any other store in town, and will sell for you, super exclusive price.

Jaglar grab facemask super fantastic hard on two-point conversion but official pletend he no see. He can no marry my daughter.

No feel rike smirre now.

Okay, maybe rittle smirre.