Yapcunt Regional: No. 2 Giant vs. No. 7 PackerTALE O' THE TAPE

This matchup might appear to be one-sided on paper: Brobdingnagian versus lowly abattoir wage slave. But before you jump to any rash conclusions, remember Andre was only slightly larger than your average steer. Plus, they know how to get rid of the bodies. Incidentally, this bracket is only more fucked up than my NCAA one (thanks, Temple and Georgia).

Poll is on the sidebar to the right. Voting is open until the end of today.

Contestant

Packer ______ Giant


Slogan

Beef: it's what's for dinner ___________ OBEY


Distinction that sounds less cool the more you think about it

Feeds nation that consumes 28 billion lbs of meat a year __France's best-known athlete


Unlikely ally

Upton Sinclair _____ The Million Dollar Man


Unintended legacy

Trite, yet enduring, “meat packing" double entendres __ Gheorge Muresan made a movie


Occupational hazard

Squalid working conditions amid tons of diseased carcasses ___ ditto


Finishing move and notable copier of said move

Captive bolt gun to skull (Anton Chigurh) __ Massive heart attack (Ken Lay)

Favre retires day seven: flogging the expired equine

With the retirement of Brett Favre, die-hard Packer fans are struggling to come to grips with the loss of the face of the franchise. Message boards are full of cheeseheads sharing their favorite Favre memories. And since we have absolutely nothing else ready, we thought we would share a few of favorites with you verbatim...

"Have you heard about this video Brett Favre 4 Ever? Believe me, this is the only thing than get a classroom full of third-graders to shut the hell up on a Monday morning when I have a raging fucking hangover. God bless you, Brett." -Sharon, Appleton, WI

"I finally got to see Pack play in person a few years back. Me & my boy Mikey called in sick so we could start tailgating on Friday. Freaking Lambeau man! We hooked up with Mikey's cousin DeWayne and his buddies. Brett threw this gorgeous spiral that seemed to hang in the air just long enough for Driver to snatch out of the air. It was amazing. Fourth quarter comeback. Up yours, Carolina. The best throw I've ever seen. I mean real poetry man. On the way home Mikey ran his van off the road and hit this homeless looking guy on the side of the road. We freaked out for a couple minutes and then decided to get the fuck out before the cops got there, but we were pretty sure he was dead. Man, was that a great freaking throw." -Phil, Rockford, IL

"One time Daddy put all of our stuff in the truck except for the tv. Daddy said if Brett Farv didn't win by more than 10 points we had to go away because some bad men wanted tocome get Daddy. I didn;t want to go away but Brett Farve winned and I didnt have to go away. I love Bret" - Kaden, Kenosha, WI

"C'mon Greg. Quit Doddlin'. Time to Run the Next Play."

Greg Jennings: Gat dammit Brett, put me down! I'm not hurt, I can walk fine, you woollyheaded man-child.

Brett Favre: I won't hear it! We're going downfield and I'm not leaving you behind.

There comes a time in every quarterback's career where he has to take his team on his back, Greg. Now's that time for me. The wind's to my back again. Me and Father Time done reached an understanding that I'm on borrowed time. I have the renewed purpose of a man who knows to value his days. To make it count, what little life I have left.

Greg Jennings: Man, you're not dying. You'll just have to retire someday.

Brett Favre: See, that's thing: the day I retire will be my last on this mortal coil. Madden and I already have the murder-suicide planned out. I couldn't do that, that life of the former QB, becoming some yammering old coot. My boyish heart of a champion couldn't live in a dried-up old vessel.

And I couldn't deal with Deanna. Damn, that bitch is annoying.

We're Gonna Take the Ball and We're Gonna Get Two or Three First Downs. Then We're Probably Going to Punt

If old age has granted me any wisdom, it's that I've learned to temper my expectations a touch. I'm a much more mature man than I was in those days.

No staying up past 11, no drives longer than six minutes. It wears me down. I'm just trying to keep it at an even keel these days.

Whew. Hey. Hold on, Aaron Kampman. Let's say we take a breather and head over to the Robeks for a boysenberry smoothie? My treat.

KSK 2007 Prekkake: Green Bay Packers (Revised)

Fast Facts About The Packers:

When he was 10 years old, AJ Hawk drew, colored, and nearly published his own comic book titled "Bill Smith."

Rookie wideout Brandon Jackson has been considered a "fantasy sleeper" in many season previews. Many people do not realize that he was given this label exactly 12 years ago, when he was delivered by a California adoption agency to nearby Neverland Ranch.

Safety Atari Bigby saw action in five games last year. The front office hopes that he continues to develop, despite being able to only run up, down, right, or left.

During his sophomore season at Tennessee, center Scott Wells tried to make a nifty anagram out of his own name and was out the next three weeks with a partially torn cerebellum.

This weekend, Brett Favre will be entering his 17th NFL season. John Madden paid tribute to Favre's longevity in MADDEN 08 with a special Madden card. The DEAD FATHER card applies a 30% ratings boost to your QB when used, or 50% if the game is on a Monday night.

Projected 2007 Record: 7-9, 2nd Place, NFC North.

Actual 2007 Record: 7-9, 1st Place, NFC North.

What The Scouts Are Saying About The Packers

With Ahmad Green gone to Houston, this is Morency's time to continue the running back tradition at Lambeau. He should really flourish under this system with his work ethic and indoor bowel control...Most people don't talk about Al Harris as a shutdown corner, but he's there. Not only that, he's got a dick like a 1-liter bottle of Pepsi...

Favre isn't the gunslinger he once was. McCarthy has managed to rein him in somewhat; he's not throwing any INTs in practice anymore. Those skeleton 7-on-4 drills have really helped...P Jon Ryan may have his work cut out for him this year, but he did buy a $2 million helicopter in Patriot Games. That movie was sweet...I wish I could tell you more about Nick Collins, but I flew in from Foxboro last night, I'm driving home from the airport and there's my wife throwing my shit all over the lawn. The goddamn neighborhood kids were going through it. So yeah, I didn't really get a chance to study up...What's up with the cheeseheads? Dude, I have no fucking clue.

UPDATE: I just got an email from flub. "Not for nothing, but it's 'Vernand' Morency, not Vernon and he's never played for Pittsburgh. You may be thinking of Verron Haynes. I'm not sure if Haynes is in the league any more." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I just re-read my post and the whole thing looks fine...

Thus far, the first annual KsK Kares Charity Drive for Fisher House has raised over $500 for disabled veterans and their families. You can donate directly to FH here.