We Tried...

Your cheerleader is whats-her-face from some team. She has no face, or a head, even, but all the essential parts are there.

Before we close out the week, it's only fair to show you a behind-the-scenes glimpse of this humble blog's inner dealings.

A couple nights ago, our blog's fantasy football contest winner and resident shiksa Sarah Schorno sent us this humble and (seemingly) simple request:

Hey guys,

I've been offered a sports column for [redacted] and I need to come up with a name for it. It has to be provocative and slightly naughty yet still sports related. My editor wants to call it Sarah Schorno's Got Balls (which is awful).

A little about the column: it'll be a mix of profiles and commentaries on different sports, sports figures and issues. The commentaries will be similar to my Huffington Post pieces but much less buttoned up and more provocative.

I figured that you guys would have some insight and amidst the ridiculous suggestions you're all about to send me I might get something I can use.

- Sarah

Needless to say; this was a wonderful idea on her part. I mean, we're creative! Flubby even quipped, "If only there was a ribald word that rhymed with 'Schorno...'" Unfortunately, as the list below would indicate, that was as clever as the naming session would get, as we proceed to make the people that tried to name their kid "4real" look like a couple of Rhodes scholars.

You know, sometimes we hit gold when we throw something up here. Sometimes we don't. But keep in mind for every crappy Packers preview that you (can't) read in this space, there are scores of passages, fake interviews, and gimmickry that even we couldn't stomach seeing here.

Anyway, the list of suggested column names. Enjoy your weekend and the games.

Thanks For the Mammaries

Teacher Takes A Two-Pronged Dildo Up Her Oily Ass

Grass on the Field

The Poon Cut Crew

Sarah Schorno's Got Balls On Her Chin

Schornography (okay, I was impressed with this one)

Former Dorm Ho with Sarah Schorno

A is for Athletics...and My Cup Size

Will Fondle Jews For Sports Insight

Dirty Freddy Sanchez

Sarah's Position

Sports on Sarah

In The Tunnel With Sarah

Remember the Fallopians

We Are...Menstral !

Huffing On Post

Pole Position

Winning Streaker

The Penetrator

I Don't Mind Anal As Long As It Follows A Nice Meal

Monday Morning Cum Dumpster (Boo)

Medial Collateral Labbia

Head To Head with Sarah

Bumping Uglies with Sarah

Let Me Talk About Sports As I Hunt For My Child's Legitimate Father

Establishing the Pass with Sarah

Hoggin' Balls In Jersey

I Am Dickless But Still Kinda Know Stuff

Fluffin' Sports Weekly

The Last Girl Scout

Camel Turf Toe

I Wear Makeup Because Daddy Hates Me

Grand Theft Schorno

The Fifth Period, Which Is About Ten Days Late

The Slumpbuster

A Mouthful Of Comeuppance

Always Be Covering Up When The Lights Are On

Leading Off At Centerfold

Life's a Bitch and So Am I

Sarah Plain and LOL