Though the matchup this Monday night hardly seems in doubt, what with Rudi Johnson ruled out and the Bengals' defensive unit only showing up as a formality, if at all. That doesn't mean we can't comment on this special showdown of intransigent receivers. So, America, WHO YA GOT?
Contestants
Chad Johnson__________________Randy Moss
Stats
442 yds., three TDs_______________403 yds., five TDs
Catch phrase
HUGH!________________Straight cash, homie
Alienates fans by:
Importing Spanish, however incorrect, in his nickname, Ocho AMERICA ZERO!____________Slacking off
Sympathetic to Kevin Curtis' struggle?
No________________________Fuck nah
Inspires lyrics from:
Ryan Parker_______________________Outkast
Favorite hipster FroYo chain
Kiwiberri________________________Pinkberry
Daring feat
Leapt into Dawg Pound_______________Played for Raiders
Can outrun:
A horse_________________His demons
Finishing Move
Whatever it is, it'll be covered exhaustively by ESPN______Same amount of coverage, just with more scolding
Chad Johnson__________________Randy Moss
Stats
442 yds., three TDs_______________403 yds., five TDs
Catch phrase
HUGH!________________Straight cash, homie
Alienates fans by:
Importing Spanish, however incorrect, in his nickname, Ocho AMERICA ZERO!____________Slacking off
Sympathetic to Kevin Curtis' struggle?
No________________________Fuck nah
Inspires lyrics from:
Ryan Parker_______________________Outkast
Favorite hipster FroYo chain
Kiwiberri________________________Pinkberry
Daring feat
Leapt into Dawg Pound_______________Played for Raiders
Can outrun:
A horse_________________His demons
Finishing Move
Whatever it is, it'll be covered exhaustively by ESPN______Same amount of coverage, just with more scolding
Thanks for putting that Outkast song in my head for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteI have both guys on one fantasy team. Chad Johnson + Randy Moss = not paying attention to Larry Johnson blowing goats.
I had Pinkberry for the first time a month ago.
ReplyDeleteIt's dogshit.
Oh, and New England by 30.
ReplyDeleteI believe the Bengals should recruit Alabama Man to shore up their shoddy D.
ReplyDeletehttp://youtube.com/watch?v=1TAvLL77eHw
As much as it hurts me, Golden Boy 35 - Ocho Cinco 14
I'll take Moss.
ReplyDeleteI need help to see how many parking attendants I can runover in a day, then trying to break that record.
I had the opportunity to pair Ocho and SCH on the same team. I got Ocho... and Lee Evans.
ReplyDeleteYeah, fuck you Lee Evans.
Hey, I know everyone is all over the Bengals, but they could put up a few touchdowns this week.
ReplyDeleteFinal Score: 105-24, New England. Yeah I'm thinking the Patriots will have an off game.
Do you think this game can just end in a tie?
ReplyDeleteThe real bet is how many cheerleaders does Tom Brady impregnate before halftime. I'm putting my money on "all of them."
ReplyDeleteAlso, does anyone else besides me find it amusing his kid's initials spell out the team he kicks the shit out of twice a year?
@ Jedd:
ReplyDeleteThat ain't shit. Next kid he should name Meadowlands.
/Chipper Jones
I stopped paying attention when I scrolled down and saw the Texans cheerleader's camel toe. Now I'm playing with myself.
ReplyDeleteEither this is the wrong post, or Stephen was looking at Randy Moss's "camel toe".
ReplyDeleteSorry.
Wrong post. But Moss does have a nice camel toe, and a tight lil' bum, too.
ReplyDelete