This comes from reader Sharkey, who just made my weekend. This needs no embellishment.Life at the University of Minnesota, rooting for the shithole that is the Gopher football program, is tough. We need to latch on to any success we may have. Enter: Laurence Koolaid Maroney.
That’s his name on Facebook, at least; his entry on the site is golden. Some of my favorites (besides the name, which just makes me thirsty) are found in his Favorite Quotes, including:
-“wash u ass”
-“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
-“u begul shitting”
And, of couse,
-“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
Koolaid=American Hero. The pictures posted win the day, however. Attached are a few of the better ones; Gopher pride, muthafuckas!
The bar just been raised.
Koolaid is a loldawg.
ReplyDeleteWash yo ass!
ReplyDeleteThat will now become my signature on emails...
“Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
ReplyDeleteI have nothing to add.
I somebody could tell me what "construda" and "begul" mean, I'd really appreciate it.
ReplyDeletethe person in the cubicle next to me just asked if everything is ok. Koolaid has brought me to tears
ReplyDeleteFolks, we have another "Offseason Chronicles" series idea.
ReplyDelete“bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck does this mean? I can only assume it is part of an inner city mating ritual, in which both parties apparently have facial hair. Which is displayed in the picture of him kissing Shawn Wayans. I can't wait to open Gimp just to fuck with these.
how did i fucking know that the post titled "wash u ass" was going to be authored by the fucking towel spotter himself.
ReplyDeletePaging The Maj, Paging The Maj.....
ReplyDeleteWe need a translator at the front desk...
inner city mating ritual
ReplyDeleteThey don't have inner cities in Minnesota (no matter what Slug might have told you).
ok after reading these i realize i have no chance nad am not sending in my shit. sorry for taking away one of your don;ts. and agreeing with shan wtf does “bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka” mean.
ReplyDeletechecking urban dictionary (the home for jangsters 'jewish')
not defined.
Your beagle is shitting?
ReplyDeleteforget the urban dictionary, check the ebonics dictionary.
ReplyDeletekoolaid is a first round fantasy pick.
I bet "construda" is another word for Hennessey
ReplyDeleteexcuse me, stewardess, but I speak jive...
ReplyDeletePerhaps a playdo extruder that jumps to conclusions...mat?
ReplyDeleteEveryone caught the Koolaid man on his chain right? Just checkin.
I did not notice that. That is AWESOME.
ReplyDeletei'm not sure if i understand what we're supposed to be drafting here.
ReplyDeletewhy's he kissing daniel gibson? he should be chasing cheese! time is money, koolaid.
ReplyDeleteo.k., after doing a few searched all i can come up with is that construda was a washing machine brand from the 1950's.
ReplyDeleteconstruda was a washing machine brand from the 1950's
ReplyDeletei guess he loves him some clean clothes.
So that's what happened to Li'L John.
ReplyDelete"Hey, Kool-Aid!"
"Wwwwwwhat?!"
Construda and begul sound like pastries, but (surprise!) that doesn't make any sense. Anyone know the context?
ReplyDeleteThat 3rd picture looks like SURPRISE BUTTSECKS. Muthafuckas in the elevator must not have the shit.
"Why do you chase the cheese?"
ReplyDeleteKoolaid knows why.
A begul is an ethnic form of bagel, in that it is a piece of white bread with a hole poked in the middle by a finger.
ReplyDeleteThe construda is the area of a person's gums between his upper lip and his grill, as Mr. Maroney so politely shows us in the second picture from the bottom.
Viva el Sr. Castillo!!! Ricky Hatton is a bitch!
ReplyDeletejoaquin- I'm not sure why you chose this forum to express yourself but I could not agree more.
ReplyDeleteFuck Hatton, Jose's gonna kick his ass in Chico's memory.
Burnsy - Was that in Webster's? I thought construda was the excreted juices that exited the ass after a fucking. In my hood we frequently referred to it as 'taint juice' but that could just be regional.
ReplyDeleteYou may be confusing your regional dialects. However, "felching" is a universal term. Funny how words work.
ReplyDeleteDont be dolts. Construda is pot.
ReplyDeleteI checked with some area G's and none of them thought the gums made sense. They thought it was chronic.
ReplyDeleteWell then my dentist, Antawn "Azztronaut" Jenkins, is a fucking moron.
ReplyDeleteOh Yeah!!!! ::busts through a wall::
ReplyDeleteOh good lord, I did not notice the Koolaid chain. That is phenomenal.
ReplyDeleteBDD! WE NEED KSK KOOLAID CHAINS!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow...so that's where all of Minnesota's black people have been hiding.
ReplyDeleteHow did I not know that was his nickname? I am genuinely pissed off.
ReplyDeleteRoger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe.
ReplyDeleteDamn... Your crappy MS Paint looks downright shitty on Deadspin.
ReplyDeleteconstruda begul
"Roger Goodell just suspended Maroney for the season, just to be safe."
ReplyDeleteWhatever. He's so gonna appeal.
Wow. I think Randy Moss is going to fit in juuuuuuust fine in New England.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I motion that Maroney must scream "OOOOOOH YEAHHHHHH!!!" after every TD. Or at least burst through a wall during pregame introductions.
Just a damn minute... That's not Maroney... That's SERENA WILLIAMS!!!
ReplyDeleteI've never been more proud to be a Golden Gopher in all my life. I'm all misty-eyed and shit.
ReplyDeletewow the bar has indeed been raised. I can only hope and pray that someone can design a Koolaid Maroney T-shirt with "U Begul Shitting"
ReplyDeleteLeon Spinks can't even figure this one out.
ReplyDeleteIt's like the garbage words you type here to post...
Umfekha.
those are some nappy headed hos in those pics...
ReplyDeleteWow. Kool-Aid Maroney. I have no words...literally
ReplyDeleteJ4B: Gimme some a dat purple drank Kool-Aid.
KA: ZZZyeah.
Sine yo pinny on the runny kine!
ReplyDeleteMother of God…..
ReplyDeleteI may have a new hero now that Pacman Jones could wind up in the big house.
wv: ouwduos…. Makes as much sense as anything else Koolaid has to say.
As you might imagine, KoolAid didn't make it up Brainerd all that often during his Gopher career.
ReplyDeleteDon'tcha know?
this just in. gatorade will be replaced by kool-aid on new england's sideline.
ReplyDelete