And suddenly, Kenny Irons of the Bengals is our favorite player. Reader Joel W. explains:
A few weeks ago I was working check-in at LAX airport for the rookie conference held in LA. JaMarcus Russell never said a word, Dwayne Jarrett dissed Keyshawn, and Bengals running back Kenny Irons brought more luggage than I've ever seen in my life. I asked him what was in the luggage, an innocent question, which prompted Kenny to hoist the luggage and proudly proclaim,
"I got a midget in here to suck my dick."
Long live the Bengals!
Yes, but did he pack his bags, or did someone pack them for him? You never know how a dwarf prostitute will get into your Samsonite. I know a similar problem plagues Pedro Martinez on road trips.
On a side note, the contest entries from you readers have been absolutely stellar of late (except for you, LadyAndrea). So much so that we will be creating a second nonkeeper league for the runners up. I need two leagues anyhow. So thank you for doing a complete 180 and giving us some fun tips during the summer doldrums. It’s user-generated content! Like Al Gore’s Current network, only with midgets sucking your dick!
"I got a midget in here to suck my dick." , i'll have to remember that one next time soemone asks me what i have in my bag.
ReplyDeleteMIDGET NIPPLE!
ReplyDeleteThey confiscated my midget at Hartsfield last time I tried to get on a plane with it. Fucking preferential treatment.
ReplyDelete"Does Aquafina make a dog-sized bottle?"
ReplyDelete- Michael Vick
Runaway Midget on DVD? Really?
ReplyDeleteHow in the hell did they turn that book into a movie?
Runaway Midget:
ReplyDeleteThe Story of Eric Mangini after a sub-.500 07-08 season
@the kid, Mangini isnt a midgit, he's a fucking penguin, get it right! Damnit, show some respek.
ReplyDeletebridget the midget has been on the howard stern show many times. she is a legend in midget porn, the jenna jameson of midget porn stars if you will. back to porn we go.
ReplyDeleteJordan wins.
ReplyDeleteHow come this shit always ends up in porn. I could start talking about Jesus and we'd end up talking about some porn star that Johnny Damion layed.
ReplyDeleteI like that about this site.
Hopefully he learned at the rookie conference that you should never check your midget luggage... always keep them in your carry-on.
ReplyDeleteover a half hour without a comment. don't tell me people are actually getting work done.
ReplyDeleteAlright, since we're desperate -- the midget angle got this movie line stuck in my head.
ReplyDeleteWhat's it say in the Bible? "Let he without sin toss the first dwarf"? Right?
ReplyDeleteImage search. Right. Like that's not from your personal collection.
ReplyDeleteif even a third of these stories are true, then im completely satisfied. if the roethlisberger story is true, then my life is complete
ReplyDeleteYou know - I could use a handy midget, what with my traveling every week.
ReplyDeleteLike this week in lovely Cincinnati. I've stayed in my hotel room to avoid being shot, stabbed, and/or mugged by a Bengal. I could use a good midget to help pass the time.
And by the way, Skyline Cincinnati chili sucks my balls. I tried it after all these years of listening to people talk so highly of it, and it completely sucks balls. It's some of the worst tasting shit I have ever had in my life. It's so bad, I had to try it again tonight, and a completely different place.
Different joint; same runny, watered down, bland, unimaginative slop. This stuff is so bad that I've run out of adjectives to describe it.
Skyline Chili was created for people who think normal chili is too tangy, too delicious, and too devoid of crappy macaroni. It has all the charm of Spaghetti-Os and all the taste of haggis.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I wouldn't be surprised if the Bengals players are getting into so much trouble lately just to make people start associating the city of Cincinnati with wanton crime instead of that crappy chili. It'd be a trade-up.
Midgets huh? I fucked em'.
ReplyDeleteYou can have all the midget booty.
ReplyDeleteIt a little known fact that midgets can't wipe their own ass because they have those stubby stubby arms. So what's that ass like? Think, man, think.