Bears Fans Can Rhyme Quickly

We knew it was just a matter of time before the Remix of the Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle made its way through the womb and showered us with all its literary glory.

The wait is over.

KSK reader/Bears fan Sarah Spain (top, left) graces us with her lyrical genius with her rendition of the shuffle, including ten verses about her favorite players. Unfortunately for most of us, this work does not include references of gay innuendo, anal solicitation, felching, fellatio, space docking, over-developed embryos posing as a quarterback's cranium, studying of amateur pornographic videos for tendencies, insinuation of marijuana smuggling, pedophilia involving troop leaders of the Boy Scouts of America, allusion to group climax on someone's face, gambling advice, Christmas Ape's cat, flatulence, comparisons of a woman's breasts to pancakes, weekly awards in memoriam of dead zookeepers, homerism regarding the Steelers, Vikings, Bengals, Seahawks, Redskins, and/or Raiders.

Nor does it contain kvetches about the Blogger hamster, Katrina jokes, TO suicide jokes, soliloquies of league commissioners' college days, whoring for votes to win an online award, Glengarry Glen Ross references, player interviews inspiring awkwardness measured in units contrary to the metric system, comparisons of quarterbacks to finer wines, episodes of defecation in reusable kitchen storage containers, beer guts, man-dating advice, digs on Bill Simmons, Gregg Easterbrook, Mike Lupica, Peter King, Dr. Z, Joe Buck, Diddy, every head coach in the league except for Mike Tomlin, Jews, Asian-Americans, spaceheaded cheerleaders, African-American analysts who sound like Scooby Doo, Merrill Hoge, Cris Collinsworth, artichoke dip, baseball, the BCS, Jesus, thebigO, the NFL Network, the city of Baltimore, Will Leitch's shampoo, or Kate Mara.

And yet, I still enjoyed it. See for yourself, why don't you?