And Now For a Word From Our Sponsors

[Tilling dirt] Yield could be better. [Looks at camera] Hi, I'm a tobacco farmer living near Raleigh, North Carolina.[Talks into phone] Yeah honey, I'll take an omelette.

[scene shifts to waterfront with several yachts]

My son is a plebe at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Keeping America free for you and me.

[scene shifts to field]

Sometimes, when I save up enough money, I go visit my brother, who is a wheat farmer in Wyoming. [Turns to brother] Does anyone else live here?

[scene twists to ESPN newsroom]

I love the Panthers, and I count on ESPN in Connecticut to ignore them completely. THROW IT TO SMITH!

[scene turns to small office]

The man at the farm bureau is from Mer Rouge, Louisiana and is a fan of the Saints. [Talks to man at desk] Way to start 0-2, buddy.

[scene shifts with Space Needle in the background]

My no-account son still listens to mopey music from some suicidal bums in Seattle.

[scene shifts to concert stage]

While I still prefer Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." They still tour, but without Ronnie Van Zant, they're total shit.

[scene shifts back to Raleigh]

So I need a network that works where I live. A place called Raleigh Annyoming CoMerSeaAl.

AT&T. Airing 60 ads per half, until you want to dunk your phone into your beer.