Sopranos Talk, Plus Bonus Shahi For Fondling Your Wok Charred Ahi

Here’s some more pictures of Sarah Shahi. Thanks God HER dad isn’t some prick lawyer.



I’m here to talk about “The Sopranos”. I’ve waded through five plus seasons and one long ass Memorial Day weekend (Hooray, DC humidity!) to get to these final two episodes. Along the way, there have been a few awesome killings and many more “Where the fuck is this going?” moments. But the previous two episodes have been balls-to-the-wall fucking sweet, and it’s been fun talking with people about what’s gonna happen next.

SPOILER ALERT FOR HERE AND THE COMMENTS

My theory: Tony now realizes that his life will always be miserable and shitty and could give two shits whether he lives or dies. That’s why he didn’t give a shit about killing Christopher. David Chase has always said he didn’t want Tony to come across as lovable or sympathetic. I think he views Tony as a common criminal and thug, which means he’ll die an inglorious and shitty death, probably at Phil “I gotta take a shit” Leotardo’s expense.

And that’s fine with me. But, since I’m a big fan of random, inexplicable violence, I suggest killing ALL of them. And here’s how I’d like to see it happen:

Carmela: Materialistic whore. Dies slipping in $80,000 marble bathtub.

Paulie: Selfish, insufferable prick. Gets his head shaved by Leotardo and then shot in the mouth.

AJ: Moron. I will have a son exactly like him. Dies riding a bike into a manhole.

Sylvio: Keep him. I like him.

Janice: Time fucking stops when this shrew is on the screen. I suggest a severe bat beating.

Phil: Asbestos poisoning

Weaselly shit who hangs out with Phil: Doused in kerosene, burned, electrocuted

Meadow: Dies in some sort of hardcore sex scene with Charmaine Bucco

Junior: Dies offscreen, since scenes with him are like being in a room with an actual old person

Coco: Second curb stomping

Chrissy’s Wife: Suicide by poisoning

Vito’s Son: Suicide by gunshot

Artie Bucco: Stabbed by the kid from Doogie Howser

Kid From Doogie Howser: Killed by Neil Patrick Harris in a cameo

Bobby: Heart attack

Melfi: Killed by Harvey Keitel in a ironic cameo

Melfi’s Shrink: Killed by Melfi before Harvey shows up

Furio: Killed by punch to enormous nose

Theories and hopes in the comments. Enjoy the weekend.