Preseason Is A Way Of Life

Like most of you, I've managed to accept preseason football for what it is, an imperfect substitute that will hold me over until the real thing starts in two weeks. But lately, I feel like the concept of the whole exhibition thing has really rubbed off on other aspects of my life. I suppose I could give you some examples...

I was going through my Gmail contacts yesterday and noticed that I have exactly 70 email adresses stored there. I sent out a group email telling everyone that they had "better show me something" before the end of the week, because that's when I'm trimming the list down to 53. Aunt Tammi is in the hospital, so I haven't decided whether to put her on the injured list or cut her right away and hope she catches on with another relative.

Our local Shakespeare in the Park has been pretty lame over the past month. I hear they're saving all their good plays for September.

My best friend's wife suggested to him the other day that they try a threesome, just for some summer fun. He refused, but then she suggested a compromise: he would get to be inside her for the first 30 minutes, and then the other guy would get whatever was left over. I know he's concerned about "controversy," but she reiterated that he'd still be the No. 1 guy after Labor Day.

And me? Personally, I've been focusing on technique this summer...

Our office had a meeting not too long ago to celebrate our division's exceeding revenue expectations. At the end of the meeting, I stood up in the conference room and plainly said, "This don't mean shit. Let's see y'all do this when it matters." The veterans in senior management slowly nodded in approval.

The meeting was at noon, and then some kid just out of college finished my work for the rest of the day. Paul in accounting tripped over a open filing cabinet and dislocated his shoulder. Now he's out four-to-six. Never shoulda been there, man.

I caught the new kid in the neighborhood cutting through my yard the other day so I taped him to a flagpole and made him sing his school's fight song. It didn't have anything to do with football; I just did it because he's a dipshit.

Who Needs a Life When You Have Saturday Night Pre-Season Football?

TITANS!

VS.

REDSKINS!

Spero Dedes and Marshall Faulk are on the call and I'm moist in anticipation.

NFL Network is doing a great job of spotlighting all of the cute blonds in the pre-game crowd all of the.

It's cooled down to positively frigid 93 degree night in Tennessee.

Vince Young isn't playing because he was suspended for violating a team rule. The NFL Network's Adam Schefter has received no indication as to what Vince did to warrant such action.

Update: KSK has learned through a source* that he's been suspended for engaging in inappropriate sexual relations with an underage racehorse.
*It should be noted that our source is my talking bong and he only speaks German

Redskins win the toss, thus insuring a championship.

ARE and Santana Moss put me at half mast (don't tell anyone).

Corner blitz--->Jason Campbell get killed--->fumble...and we're in mid-season form!

The Maj has imbibed.

Dropped interception by London Fletcher...welcome to DC London, you're going to fit in nicely.

Marshall Faulk blames the dropped interception on Washington's inability to capitalize on opportunities instead of blaming the flight path of the deflected ball. Then he blames Kerry Collins' drive-killing fumbled snap on the humidity instead of Collins' delirium tremens. Marshall Faulk doesn't like black people.

Right tackle falls down--->Jason Campbell gets killed--->fumble... The Maj is burning religious relics.

LaRon "The Ron" Landry just finished off what Jim Beam started on Kerry's liver.

In a stunning display of accuracy kicker Sean Shawn Shaun "Swisher" Suisham just hit the upright from 47 yards away. It's 3-0 Titans if you're scoring at home--and if you are, your loneliness saddens me (4:50 mark).

The refs hat looks like it's covered with a fresh coat of Optic White from Liberty Paints. I find myself blinded by the light.

London Fletcher just made his 275th tackle of the first half.

NFL officials will be viewing challenges in high definition for the first time. This makes a lot more sense than the old policy of listening to the out-of-town radio broadcast on a loop.

If you try to break a return on a Redskins punter Derrick Frost he's liable to destroy you.

Ade Jimoh just made a tackle and Jason Campbell's night is just about over so I'm done with this crap. Who wants to go pick up some hookers with me and my boy Andray? We'll meet you at Thomas Circle in an hour.