Always Bet On the Snow Cock
Welcome to another Championship edition of Always Be Covering. After last year's spectacularly perfect wrongness the key word this week is redemption. I was 7-1 picking games in the playoffs up until this point a year ago when I took the points in both games. Of course my memories of the weekend are a bit blunted, but I bet it was like getting punched in the balls from the inside.
Well no more of that shit. This time I'm guaranteeing a Sunday sweep, or my name isn't [REDACTED]. Seriously, you can totally hold me to it. If I lose feel free to call me at 202-555-FAKE for a full refund on your wager.
On to the picks!
Risking 50 to win 45.
Posing for pictures in Peter King's yard is an annual tradition in Montclair.Green Bay -1.5 vs. New York
Green Bay and New York OVER 34.5
The only thing that gets Brett's cock harder than playing ball in single degree weather is a cocktail of Cialis and Vicodin followed up with a Mississippi Bear Claw. In contrast, the weather will be just cold enough to cause Elisha's testicles to retreat back into his abdomen.
Risking 50 to win 45.
You can't let those fans out-douche me, I'm motherfucking the Marmalard!New England -14 vs. San Diego
Marmalard and the biggest fairweather Massholes in New England in the same building? If you're watching in HD you should be able to see a miasma of toxic douchery hovering over Gillette Stadium. It will start small with an early Chargers touchdown (no thanks to Pip) but we all know how it will end. The Pats are going to win going away, so you may as well make some money while you're drinking yourself into a coma. With any luck you'll wake up after the bye week. If they win without covering you might as well forget about the other side of darkness.
May your Sunday be profitable and crapulous. Go forth and wager, my children.
