Friday, March 21, 2008

Yapcunt Regional: No. 4 Steeler versus No. 5 Bill -- WHO DO YOU HAVE AS MORE MACHO?

Before Pittsburgh became an outpost of urban blight on the edge of Appalachia, it was a bustling steel town that made the name Steeler synonymous with the town's muscular, blue-collar work force (as opposed to today's overweight unemployed force). The steelworker faces up against Buffalo Bill Cody, the Civil War vet, Western frontiersman, and pseudo-circus ringleader who inspired the name for Buffalo's football team for no better reason than it was a decent play on words. It's up to you to determine the winner... WHO DO YOU HAVE AS MORE MACHO?




#4 STEELER

Strengths


- Burly
- Square jaw can withstand punching
- Able to consume massive amounts of shitty beer
- Has hot stuff; coming through
- Might have a pipe or wrench or something, I don't know

Weaknesses


- Evolving global economy
- Techno music
- MEN!


#5 Buffalo Bill

Strengths


- Handy with a six-shooter
- Killed 4,280 bison in six 18 months. Fuck you, PETA!
- Background as cavalry scout lends to stealth
- Full name of Wild West show was "Buffalo Bill's Wild West and Congress of Rough Riders of the World," which isn't a strength per se, but c'mon. That's pretty fucking sexy.
- Only NFL mascot to be awarded the Medal of Honor

Weaknesses


- Indian-killing reputation marred by employing Sitting Bull
- Played Custer during reenactment of Battle of Little Big Horn
- Facial hair ridiculous even by 19th century standards
- Totally sold out, man

Vote on the sidebar to the right. Poll closes at the end of the day.

(All Buffalo Bill facts from Wikipedia)

26 comments:

  1. Oh wait, was she a great big fat person?

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  2. rumor has it Wild Bill frequently wore a t-shirt that read "moustache and beard rides, 5 cents"

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  3. Bill:

    --Also has a vengeful Uma Thurman in pursuit of him.

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  4. @slideshow, are there any other kind?

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  5. Buffalo Bill is also my great-great grandfather. So I've been on KSK. I'm also still drunk.

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  6. If Steerel rose, Hines Wald no smirre.

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  7. CC, it was 4,280 beasts in eighteen months, not six.

    Still pretty damn impressive considering that 8 a day, every single day, for a year and a half.

    Kill, kill, kill

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  8. God rest the souls of that poor family... and pussy's half price for the next 15 minutes.

    God I miss that show.

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  9. Buffalo Bill . . . giving a demonstration of the tuck rule.

    (Worse than last week's disease photos)

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  10. It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!

    It does this whenever it's told.

    /Drake-WKU = amazing game

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  11. /Drake-WKU = amazing game

    Hells yes. Especially since I picked WKU as my upset making it to the Sweet Sixteen.

    Coupled with Davidson, this almost makes up for the gang-rape the SEC teams gave me yesterday. Almost.

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  12. even more amazing, just walking out of the office for an hour to go across the street, grab a couple beers, and watch the end to Davidson/gonzaga (holy shit adam morrison needs a shave and a haircut...2 bit) then Drake/WKU, God Bless March Madness

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  13. Oh wait, was she a great big fat person?

    All the excuse I need to post the Lotion video again.

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  14. Buffalo Bill loves Drake pastries.

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  15. I love a blog where both Princess Bride and Silence of the Lambs get quoted in the same day.

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  16. @ smurphette

    and it's considered par for the course

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  17. I love a blog where both Princess Bride and Silence of the Lambs get quoted in the same day.

    Andre the Giant Has a Pussy.

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  18. Buffalo Bill has a casino named after him on state line of NV/CA. Steelers may have shitty beer and lead pipes, but a bar full of liquor, an buffet, and all the money God doesn't have swings me on this one.

    Buffalo Bill>*

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  19. Barbecue, me and you! Stinky pinky, pew, pew! Or dilly, Jilly, Hilly or Bob! It was a french-fried Cajun named Delacroix!

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  20. "Facial hair ridiculous even by 19th century standards"

    --obvious cocksucker--not that there's anything wrong with that!

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  21. why else would that "taint tickler" be jutting out from his chin?

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  22. HEY WHO'S THAT HOT CHICK IN THE SECOND PICTURE???

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