The second of our opening round contests pits the mascots of two beleaguered NFC franchises against one another. Only this time, the Lion is heavily favored to win for once.
Contestants
Lion______________Ram
Does their name describe their principal action?
Not really___________Most certainly
Setbacks
Not a fuck lion_________Having to listen to corny ewe jokes
Corporate sponsor
MGM______Dodge
Confused with
I don't know -- maybe some other regal animal you were thinking of___Random access memory
Bragging rights
King of rapidly depleting jungle_____Uncastrated, you bitch-ass sheep!
Down with the Jews?
Only the black ones________Only their horns (the ram's, not the Jew's)
Finishing move
Eating anyone who sings "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"__Killing anyone who says "Don't wanna butt heads over this."
Uncastrated, you bitch-ass sheep!
ReplyDeleteDon't talk shit, ram, you never know when you might run into Grey Ruegamer.
If this were Detroit vs. St. Louis they'd both gag to death on their own vomit. After they both shit the bed, of course.
ReplyDeletewhat do you mean their name doesn't describe their principal action? they're always lion around, ZING
ReplyDelete/shows self out
for some reason i still associate the rams with Kurt Warner. we are so close to a Kurt and Kitna here.
ReplyDeleteI gotsta agree with bambi, one of the cool things about lions is that they sleep something like 20 hours a day. The other 4 hours are for killin'.
ReplyDeleteYou can get past a dog, but no one fucks with a lion.
ReplyDeleteif you can dodge a lion, you can dodge a dog
ReplyDeleteI have to weigh in here with a serious comment. This one has some upset potential. Lions are used to being able to hide in the tall grass, then sneak up on prey from behind while rams run straight at you head first. In a closed pentagon, a ram would have the advantage.
ReplyDelete/still voting lion
If you can dodge a lion, you're probably an average quality NFL RB.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like that lion just gave oral to a menstruating female lion.
ReplyDelete@ quiet
ReplyDeletethe female lioness is used to hiding in the tall grass, they do all the hunting, but as the kill kill kill has shown, a lion will chase down whomever fucks with his kill and snap their fucking legs off...advantage lion
@ QuietStrength
ReplyDeleteYes, but don't forget, lions have the experience in the ring. In Roman times fighting in the coliseum, and more recently, decimating the Cambodian Midget Fighting League.
Gotta go Rams here. The NFL Lions have sucked so hard for so long, they have adversly effected the self esteem of all actual lions.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...this is a tough one. Is Matt Millen in the lion's corner?
ReplyDeleteIf so, I may have to vote Ram.
I'm taking Lion here because Scar in the Lion King was a real badass who got the short end of the stick...
ReplyDeleteMarques Slocum says "Man fuck dat spider!"
ReplyDelete@ yak - You need 20 hours of rest when the other 4 are for murder.
DigitalDan, I like your "matt millen has fucked the detroit lions so bad that all lions are now slightly weaker" logic. But even if we're talking about 75% effective lion vs. 100% ram....
/votes lion \m/
This is an unfortunate seeding for Ram, who might actually come off less helpless anywhere else. But come on, look at that picture of Lion.
ReplyDeleteI vote bloodthirsty animal.
Wow...Cambodia rocks.
ReplyDeleteAnyways I was just envisioning the possibility of a ram cornering the lion and pummeling it kamikaze style. That would be one badass upset. Still, the lion would probably win.
everything the light touches is our kingdom...lion wins
ReplyDeleteWait! I can't go to the lions! I CAN NOT go to the lions! Because I know for a FACT that lions only eat Christians! And I am a Jew! Jewish person!
ReplyDelete/Having a great corkscrew
@mbp
ReplyDelete"Boy, when you die at the palace, you really die at the palace."