The NFL's finest have gathered in Honolulu for the annual showdown betwee --- Wait... should we prattle on about a game that no one gives a rats ass about anyway, or should we continue to revel in the misery of Pats fans?
Yeah, I thought so too. Let's hear from Fitzy....
This may end up being the best off season ever. Cheers!
I found this cathartic. The inclusion of Debussy's Clair de lune at the end was an inspired touch.
ReplyDelete/rips off scab, as recommended in video
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWMOTHERFUCKER
Moronic Boston-specific phrases. . . check
ReplyDeleteIdiotic acronyms . . . check
Tired similes . . . check
"Original" mom jokes . . . check
God I fucking hate Massholes
"... like a lube-free prostate exam while watching a Kate Hudson movie."
ReplyDeletePriceless.
Nice to see the FutureMrs isn't the only Pats fan with a sense of perspective and wicked hard sarcasm.
i have to give you props, futuremrs. if the giants had lost that game (and the pats perfect season had remained intact) i probably would still be alternately throwing up and rocking in the fetal position. as it was, having to create an alternate lead for a game story as if the pats HAD won for my sportswriting class was painful enough. my own personal hell, thanks, teach!
ReplyDeleteCrap, a pats fan actually made me laugh... Fitzy, you the man, go fuck yourself too.
ReplyDeleteThis stuff will never get old. Man, I'm really going to enjoy this off-season.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the guy that was on ESPN Dream Job?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I watched that show the first season.
/icepick to the dick
The offseason would get even sweeter if a pic of some Masshole with "19-0" tattooed on their head pops up.
ReplyDeleteI keep watching this, and it does not get old. I'm loving this off season!
ReplyDeleteThis is the funniest thing I've ever seen/heard from a Pats fan. Great job dickless.
ReplyDeleteAnd I bedlieve that FutureMrs is the only Pats fan to consistently come to this site since "The Greatest Night of 2008."
The fallout from the Super Bowl has been amazing. The only way this could get any better would be if Gisele left Tom Brady and started going out with Mercury Morris.
ReplyDeleteI've got to hand it to him though, his Asante Samuel impression was right on. He always does that thing where he crosses his arms and frowns, if its a good play or a bad play.
ReplyDelete@j4b: it's amazing how the Generic Cockwhore Masshole Commenters have vanished just as quickly as Pats fans disappeared at the stadium right after the game. I can't say it enough; being at the game and seeing my team beat the team I hate the most, with what that team was playing for, and the way that my team won, easily made Sunday the greatest night of my life. The fact that Cowboys, Eagles, and Redskins fans have all come up to me this week and congratulated me for the Giants winning and thanked them for stomping out the Pats 19-0 season makes it all the more remarkable.
ReplyDeleteAs for futuremrs, she'd be a queen in any fan base, but compared to the rest of the Masshole garbage that comprises the fan base of Boston-area teams, she comes out looking like a goddess...
/not trying to get laid by futuremrs
/so futuremrs you want to go to quizno's sometime? lemme know
that was oddly hypnotic and poetic.
ReplyDeleteHis self-deprication almost made me feel sorry for the Massholes...
ReplyDeleteThen I thought about the 18-1 chant in NY next season and my melancholy disappeared like a Boston Sportsfan from this comment area.
/Schadenfreude, thou art a Fickle Mistress
Pfft. We don't go to Quizno's in Baahhston. We go to D'Angelo.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have a website that can make me laugh through my tears. Wallowing isn't good for anyone.
/reads "Still Smiling, Still Perfect" issue of SI; eats pint of Ben and Jerry's; weeps softly
@futuremrs: everyone knows the best pizza and subs in the country are in Jersey. Let me show you!
ReplyDelete/prepares to be hit with restraining order
@miamidiesel: congrats on your team winning the Super Bowl. And congrats on stomping a mudhole in Tom Brady's already loose bowels.
ReplyDelete/Cowboys Fan
@j4b: thanks man. If it's Cowboys and Pats (or whatever teams emerges as being similarly hateable to this year's Pats) next year, rest assured I'll be wearing something with the big Texas star on it along with my LT jersey for the Super Bowl.
ReplyDeletethats Nick Stevens, yah he was on the first season of dream jobs and also was ona radio show i used to like.
ReplyDeleteThat petition is a gift that keeps on giving. A tip of the hat to you too, Fitzy. As a Raider fan, I feel your pain brother. I hope you didn't sign the petition. Well I guess it doesn't matter, someone from KSK will sign it for you. I would like to reassure you that the pain..............the pain.........the pain......... the pain, it never goes away. It will fester in you soul. It will lead to alcoholism, drug addiction and Fitz (ahem) of depression. What's this you say? You wanted to shut the 72 Dolphins up. Good point. Rest assured, they are old. They will die soon. I can hear their livers weeping from here. They've been drunk on champaign all week. Shuffling around Miami beach, shit eating grins on their phizzes. Pants down around their ankles from constantly masturbating like the showtime monkeys they are.
ReplyDeleteFitzy, keep a stiff upper lip. We like constant pressure on our cocks. Fawk you too.
You should have put some salt on that humble pie Dude.
ReplyDeleteFitzy is almost enough to make me rescind my "worst fans of all time" label for the Patriots supporters. This is good shit:
ReplyDelete"like a lube-free prostate exam while viewing a Kate Hudson movie"
"didn’t give an oven-baked shit"
"fuck that on a stick with sauce"
"makes me feel like I just got ice-picked in the dick"
I plan to use "don't give an oven-baked shit" in my daily conversation.
Ohhhh I miss D'Angelo's. Quizno can't hold D'Angelo's jock.
ReplyDeleteI like that we all love FutureMrs like she's our cool sister.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, we love her like our cool sister, and we're both from Alabama.
(Also, this guy is cool.)
I thought that was pretty funny, actually. 'Course, I am a Patriots fan.
ReplyDeleteD'Angelo's is pretty "fackin'" awesome.
Fitzy is the man....just hope that his comments which make sense, sink in to the douchebag Pat's fans that are sending in the petition to that nazi Goodell
ReplyDeleteFitzy you rock and the phrase "ice pick to the dick" is my new favorite phrase!!!