I spend day looking at animerr in zoo to leerax. Foll some lesion, animerr not in smirre mood. Maybe because Tom Brady was made terr reave foll teasing monkeys.
What matter, Ryan? You all selious cat arr the time! I thought Ryan king of jungerr. Or numbel shree team in NFC North. You finish more high than Berrrs. You make smirre now! Prease!
What is with animerr today? Monkey is s'posed to be jubirrant and prayferr. You rook rike you contemprating gleat mystelies of rife. Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre.
Why rong face, Misser Errepants? Harr. I make fun for you! No rhett chain of opplession bling you down. At reast ivory deerer no interested in you.
Arr light! I rike you, Misser Birry Goat. You have the spilit to rift me out of dordlums. Rest of animerr need be rike you. We be friend before Kyerr Olton stearr youl neck beald.I give you smirre in leeturn!
Zookeeper: Hey! Help! Security! One of the billy goats has gotten loose!
Hines: No. I think you in mistake! Prease leemove hands flom me. Where you take me?
Herrrp!
"To riv is terr smirre."
ReplyDeletethat is the most profound thing anyone has said about anything ever
Damn zookeepers and their profiling ways.
ReplyDeleteGood thing they got Brady out of there before he made it to the billy goat pen...
ReplyDelete"I think he head is firred with wind and ghosts."
ReplyDeleteWow. Now if you can just animate Hines' thoughts in a way that resembles an acid trip, we'd have another Spirited Away on our hands.
/shrow crap
ReplyDeleteI hope he didn't dlive to zoo.
ReplyDeleteCan you only get into a half accident? Maybe a mixed one?
/apologizing for lack of ancestral worship
Rack of comments no make me smirre.
ReplyDeleteI showed this to my asian friend and he.... oh who am i kidding, i wouldn't befriend an asian, but i guess I would visit one at the zoo if the weather was nice and the exhibit looked interesting.
ReplyDeleteand yes by "zoo exhibit" i meant piano/violin/math recital
ReplyDeleteOff Season Adventures of Michael Vick...you've been put on notice.
ReplyDeleteRaffing hyenas tlying too hald.
ReplyDeleteApe, ya know...the goat looks a lot like Hines Ward/ Funny because true
ReplyDelete"Rife is no mystalee. To riv is terr smirre."
ReplyDeleteThis floored me. I had to drop what I was doing in order to reexamine my life. I too much flown, not enough smirre.
Rack of comments no make me smirre.
ReplyDeleteBeclaws takee me fo owls to undelstands.
But makee me smirre.
You have quite a gift, Ape. I make smirre follest of day!
ReplyDeleteSmirre, Ape, tuln that flown uhside down :)
ReplyDeletePost make me smirre. And clack up in crass. Shit!
ReplyDeleteApe, someday I wirr get filed from my job for leading this. But it's okay, I stirr smirre rots!
ReplyDeleteYou know what the funniest thing is about these posts, Ape? If an Asian person were to read it verbatim, it'd sound perfectly normal. Why don't they just do that with everything they read out loud?
ReplyDelete@ jl white
ReplyDeletefor the same reason Chieng ming wang is spelled "wang" but pronounced "wong", "Yi" is pronounced "E" and "Xiang" could be "shang," "zyang," "chang," or "good day," someone decided long ago that even though japan, china, and korea don't have an alphabet, we won't spell thing phonetically and instead just make up whatever sound we want for our own bloody letters, thus, it may say "smile" but after all the other crazy pronunciations, they get confused and instead give you a gleat big smirre
i no get it? hines no visit pandar berr?
ReplyDeleteHines no rike panda berr beclaws of Supel Bowr Commelciar. It make him Ang Lee
ReplyDeleteXmas Ape, I am your hugest fan, but Hines Ward isn't quite as good as your genius Marmalard or Pats-taunting posts.
ReplyDeletePlease tell us there will be Marmalard in the near future. I miss him already.
@john
ReplyDeleteCarr me clazy but I rike these posts even mole than Malmarald
Buh I do wan some Malmarald soon, Ape.
That pic of Hines smirring gets me evely time.
ReplyDeleteWhat about a book of "Hines say..." tidbits of wisdom?
ReplyDeleteFor example "Hines say...Man who frow intooshepshun bound to recieve tlash on rawn"
@Kyle321n:
ReplyDelete+1 Ang Lee
Hines Ward Wisdom:
Thror right side fierd OK
Thror reft side fierd OK
Thror dowr middr fierd get crush rike grape.
Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those monkeys are killing each other!
ReplyDeleteas much as i'd like to preserve my hard-to-get facade...
ReplyDeletei smirre.
it feels so good to smirre again.
The hines ward posts are by far my favorite out of everything....please, at least once a week.
ReplyDeleteme smire when i lead about hines wald
Shouldn't these be tagged: I'm sulle he's a wondelfurre leceivel?
ReplyDeleteThese are twice as funny if you say all the lines aloud in your best Kim Jong Il/City Wok voice.
ReplyDeleteKim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!
Someone has bid EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS on the Urtard's Moss jersey.
ReplyDeleteI don't care if the money goes to charity. That's just fucked up.
sweet god i love the quasi racist hines ward posts
ReplyDeleteWhen I go to Herr - and I rill - I loowd vellee much likee irf this be one of most top ten leasons they keep me so deep and so rong in Herr.
ReplyDelete- Ballnee
Smireesmiree, PA.
I nearly cried laughing at this, especially the smiring part at the end.
ReplyDeleteKudos, Chlistmas Ape
God damn that was funny.
ReplyDeleteTimes like this make me rue the day DHS blocked all *.blogspot sites from work.
Kudos X-mas Ape!
I get most of these, but what the heck is a "lomorovescock"?
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to figure out what "Plo Bewr" was, but now I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
ReplyDeleteI swear I can't read these. I need an English to Chinglish dictionary or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd it has nothing to do with me having a case of Jungle Fever for Hines. Or is it Yellow Fever?