Guy: Hey. You gonna VOTE today?
Man: But I'm a registered independent.
Guy: And I'm a resident of a politically insignificant state.
Felon: And I'm a felon!
Man: Think Obama will win?
Guy: He's gonna get shot if he does.
Felon: I'm going to shoot him!
Guy: It kinda bugs me that the media covers sports with more depth than it does politics.
Man: I miss sports.
Guy: Wanna go to a Super Tuesday party?
Man: Wanna get punched in the dick?
Guy: What if it comes down to Clinton and Romney? Then it's Massachusetts versus New York all over again. Every late season Red Sox and Yankees game will be filled with an even more bloated sense of false import.
Man: 9/11 versus Aqua Teen Hunger Force Bombing.
Guy: Gays vs. better dressed gays.
Man: Billary vs. Mittens.
Guy: It'll probably be McCain.
Man: The Marty Schottenheimer of presidential candidates.
Guy: If Marty were a POW.
Man: He was too busy serving in the SS.
Man: Do we have to do this again in November?
Felon: I'll be dead by then.
Guy: Lucky you.
don't blame me, I voted for Kodos
ReplyDeleteAnd do we even have a primary in DC? I think I saw "polling place" but it might have just been a Potbelly sign. In my defense I'm really hungry.
ReplyDeleteGive a fuck.
ReplyDeleteVote for Huck!
Fuckin' be
with Huckabee!
Wouldnt it be 9/11 vs. the airport that allowed 9/11. Just sayin...
ReplyDeleteESPN SportsNation says 55% for Obama!
ReplyDeleteHe's a lock!
I'm still debating between the giant douche and turd sandwich.
ReplyDeleteBREAKING NEWS!
ReplyDeleteWest Virginians have just chosen Mike Huckabee! This is in keeping with their general pro-musket and anti-book-learnin' sensibilities, so no real surprises I guess.
Plus, the power of Christ commanded it. That's hard to argue against.
mitt romney is made of plastic and alluminum
ReplyDelete@upstate underdog
ReplyDeleteme too! vote or die motherfucker....
I heard Richard Simmons and Elton John are voting for Romney:
ReplyDeleteCatchers 4 Mitt
/don't get up...I'm leaving
Leon is president of hitting that ass !
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi_c6D8SPcE
romney and mccain should just arm wrestle for the nomination.
ReplyDeleteromney is more of a really boring vampire than a robot.
ReplyDeleteromney and mccain should just arm wrestle for the nomination.
ReplyDeleteNah, they'd each spend most of their time changing their minds about which arm to use.
One word: Thunderdome.
Tommy from Quincy just announced his endorsement of Obama:
ReplyDelete[dick in mouth silence]
Supermike whispers: BUT Taaahmey.....
Tommy: DAAAHHRKEEEY?! Mikey you ignant ghey! Fist offs, he tawks good wich we alls knows daaahhhkeeeys can't do. Seconds, he's gotta be like half irish, he's a diplahmats kid and I'm pretty sure yoowed be lookin likaa Callafornya Raison too if you mick ass was draggin cross no Gobi desert too. And he ain't anymore daaahhhrkeey than yer dego motha who I fucked with a sawwderin iron last night Mikey.
Thass it Obama Pabpelbawm oh and eight!
When I think elections, I think "Dan vs. Dave"
ReplyDeleteHines Ward roves elections!
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that be "roves erections"?
ReplyDeleteMDT
ReplyDeleteDC primary is the 12th. Got my flier reminding me this morning on the Metro.
Oh wait. I get it.
ReplyDelete/last horse crosses the finish line
Shouldn't that be "roves erections"?
ReplyDeleteFox News approves this message.
The Emo Eagles wanted to know if you were going to that Ron Paul thing tonight? Yeah them neither.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that every picture I see of Hillary Clinton she looks like she's orgasming over some baby seals being clubbed?
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that every picture I see of Hillary Clinton she looks like she's orgasming over some baby seals being clubbed?
ReplyDeleteOccam's Razor.
No, I mean that's what she uses to kill the seals.
See, I can usually block out most of the d-bags that surround me working on the Hill, but then Ape has to post that WaPo article to remind me. Guhhhh.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris + Mike Huckabee = CHUCKABEE
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris Fact: vote for Huckabee or get a roundhouse in the nads.
Smurphette, as a former Hill rat myself, I can say they really are everywhere. It's not even like they're the ambitious, frightening, Tracy Flick-types - they're those kids who weren't even worth beating up in Middle School, cause they'd curl up into a fetal position and wail. And now they run the country.
ReplyDeleteI'll vote (reluctantly) for McCain this year, mostly because I think it's about damn time we had a president who was open about the fact that he's batshit fucking crazy.
That arm-wrestling idea is really cruel, considering McCain can't raise his arms above his shoulder thanks to the torture those Commies were inflicting on him while all you damn hippies were back home doing acid and fornicating.
That's not to say there aren't plenty of the scary Tracy Flick-types, or mini-Tucker Carlsons running around. I wasn't born until the end of 1981, so I can't really share in your hippie-rage. The fornicating part sounds good, though.
ReplyDeleteNeeds more fornicating.
ReplyDelete@romo
ReplyDeletemitt romney is made of plastic and alluminum
That means he's recyclable. A strong plank in any political platform on Planet Unicorn.
Heh, smurphette - I was born the same time as you. I just had the pleasure of growing up in communities that most closely resemble a Bible-thumping version of the hippies Cartman wars against in South Park. Think Woodstock but with more praying and Kumbaya-singing.
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Hippie,_Die
I find the Tracy Flick-types less scary, because they're so predictable, and they've been around for hundreds of years. Plus none of them can hold their liquor, so they're cheap dates.
Otto Man is on FIRE!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, dick jokes, Brady Quinn hand party.
Is Mary Carey running???
Isn't it "abortions for some, miniature American flags for all"?
ReplyDeleteno, it's others. and that is also the best tag i've read in quite a while.
ReplyDeleteThat arm-wrestling idea is really cruel...
ReplyDeletealways fun when the only person who gets your joke is too uptight to see the humor in it.
@lieutenant winslow: I laughed. I should have said "really, deliciously cruel" because I still think that Johnny Mac would rip Mitten's Ken Doll-like arm out of its socket. And I would pay to see that.
ReplyDelete